- Feb 3, 2011
- 1,880
- 48
Years ago, my Mojo said she wanted to play at UCLA. She said it half-jokingly, expressing how "awesome" it would be to play there.
In the years since, there were no more mentions of playing ball in college at all, at least none that I could recall. But she's always said that her top school choices were UCLA, Carolina, and Cal, so I've stayed on her about grades and the need to prepare for the gatekeepers' admission testing system. I've always been adamant about her choosing her own path, but until yesterday, I had no idea she intended to play ball in college. While acknowledging that every kid's personalities, talents, and goals are different, I have learned a tremendous amount over the years from those of you who have older daughters, but have no clue what to do at this point. I have a ridiculous amount of questions, in large part because I don't want *my* future plan to be hers, unless it was hers to begin with.
She will turn 13 this summer and enter 8th grade in the fall. She's a good student with a high aptitude for math, but isn't really being challenged in our school system. When she was younger, she did not qualify for the gifted program, so she missed out on that track altogether. That may have been a small blessing in disguise, however, as participation in the program would've required changing schools. I try to supplement her classroom instruction when I can, but I'm not always diligent about it. When I was her age, everyone in my group had already taken the PSAT by now. She doesn't know anyone who has. That's just a small example, but overall, I'm not of the impression that where we have her in school is going to prepare her to be able to compete well for a slot at the most competitive universities and the 3 schools at the top of her list are among the most competitive in the country. I would love to be proven wrong, of course. Personally, I would like to see her pursue her goal of attending 1 of those schools because of the network of future opportunities she'd potentially gain access to, but my reluctance to push her in that direction goes to my earlier point about not wanting to select her path for her.
Softball-wise, she's a solid, all-around player and great teammate. She's average height and weight at about 5-4, 120 lbs and has average speed, although she seems to sprout wings between 1st and 3rd. She can play all 9 positions. A coach is not going to build a team around her, but she can fill in wherever a program needs her. She could probably find a job on most any team in our area. The organization she's with now has a great support system with respect to getting players exposure and recruitment opportunities. I've never said "you can't play at UCLA or Cal because you're not tall or fast or whatever", but I have said "you won't get into UCLA or Cal without the grades".
So, I guess my question is, what now? I have always prioritized life after softball as the primary reason for selecting a school and I am happy she would like to attend a school with a good academic reputation. I haven't ever talked to her about graduate school, but she believes the best opportunities for undergraduate internships in broadcasting would be in SoCal or in the northeast. If her plan is to continue playing ball, do I need to help her identify the list of schools with her prospective major and then find out which ones have softball? Or should there be a greater focus on finding scholarship money so that she can play somewhere and get help paying for it with the recognition that undergraduate major may have nothing to do at all with where she lands or what she's doing 20 years from now?
There have never been any scholarship athletes in either her mom's family or mine, so we've got no close relations with anyone who can provide firsthand information about the process. I think my main question for the moment - and it's a biggie - is: what is the parent's role in all of this? And how much of the decision-making is to be made or even guided by the parents? Thanks for any guidance you can provide.
In the years since, there were no more mentions of playing ball in college at all, at least none that I could recall. But she's always said that her top school choices were UCLA, Carolina, and Cal, so I've stayed on her about grades and the need to prepare for the gatekeepers' admission testing system. I've always been adamant about her choosing her own path, but until yesterday, I had no idea she intended to play ball in college. While acknowledging that every kid's personalities, talents, and goals are different, I have learned a tremendous amount over the years from those of you who have older daughters, but have no clue what to do at this point. I have a ridiculous amount of questions, in large part because I don't want *my* future plan to be hers, unless it was hers to begin with.
She will turn 13 this summer and enter 8th grade in the fall. She's a good student with a high aptitude for math, but isn't really being challenged in our school system. When she was younger, she did not qualify for the gifted program, so she missed out on that track altogether. That may have been a small blessing in disguise, however, as participation in the program would've required changing schools. I try to supplement her classroom instruction when I can, but I'm not always diligent about it. When I was her age, everyone in my group had already taken the PSAT by now. She doesn't know anyone who has. That's just a small example, but overall, I'm not of the impression that where we have her in school is going to prepare her to be able to compete well for a slot at the most competitive universities and the 3 schools at the top of her list are among the most competitive in the country. I would love to be proven wrong, of course. Personally, I would like to see her pursue her goal of attending 1 of those schools because of the network of future opportunities she'd potentially gain access to, but my reluctance to push her in that direction goes to my earlier point about not wanting to select her path for her.
Softball-wise, she's a solid, all-around player and great teammate. She's average height and weight at about 5-4, 120 lbs and has average speed, although she seems to sprout wings between 1st and 3rd. She can play all 9 positions. A coach is not going to build a team around her, but she can fill in wherever a program needs her. She could probably find a job on most any team in our area. The organization she's with now has a great support system with respect to getting players exposure and recruitment opportunities. I've never said "you can't play at UCLA or Cal because you're not tall or fast or whatever", but I have said "you won't get into UCLA or Cal without the grades".
So, I guess my question is, what now? I have always prioritized life after softball as the primary reason for selecting a school and I am happy she would like to attend a school with a good academic reputation. I haven't ever talked to her about graduate school, but she believes the best opportunities for undergraduate internships in broadcasting would be in SoCal or in the northeast. If her plan is to continue playing ball, do I need to help her identify the list of schools with her prospective major and then find out which ones have softball? Or should there be a greater focus on finding scholarship money so that she can play somewhere and get help paying for it with the recognition that undergraduate major may have nothing to do at all with where she lands or what she's doing 20 years from now?
There have never been any scholarship athletes in either her mom's family or mine, so we've got no close relations with anyone who can provide firsthand information about the process. I think my main question for the moment - and it's a biggie - is: what is the parent's role in all of this? And how much of the decision-making is to be made or even guided by the parents? Thanks for any guidance you can provide.