Don't be that parent

JJS · Aug 3, 2015

cuzmail said:
This is missing some insight as to how the between inning conversations began. Pitcher induced? Did the coach ask her to go to her pitching coach? Did Mom/Dad flag her over to talk? If was anything but obsessive parental behavior I say what a shame.

Passing on a potential good pitcher simply because she was seeking to improve her performance between innings? Aren't pitchers told to told to go out the dug out and work on something between innings if they need to? If she was talking to anyone but Mom or Dad would it have been ok then?

If anyone knows DD's tendencies, it would be me. No one has caught her for as long as I have through all the stages of her pitching career. Would I go run to the dugout between innings and helicopter, of course not. Would I help DD if she came to me between innings and asked for help, you bet.

Personally, I'm getting tired of hearing that the parents shouldn't do anything but give a ride to the ball park and cheer. I realize that like any person, some people can make life miserable, but this could be a coach just as easily as a parent. The negative mojo towards parents is ridiculous. Sometimes coaches need to ask themselves if they are the problem instead of immediately labeling someone as "that parent".

Again, parents are missing the point here. Let the control go. I know it is hard. I have been there. You want to help your DD. You've seen her throw that drop ball 10,000 times and hit your glove. You know how to fix it. Your DD would be better served with you taking notes that you can discuss about her pitching performance once you were at home(or videotaping her for later). It is okay for her to have an off day in the circle. It is just one game. So what if they lose because you didn't give her an adjustment to make.

This is your DD journey, not yours. Let her play the game. Let her coaches coach. Let her make mistakes. Be a loving parent on the car ride home, and talk corrections later in the evening or the next day.

What would you do if your DD was in debate and she was struggling? Would you stand up in the middle of the debate and walk up front to give her pointers while the other person was talking?

JJS · Aug 3, 2015

riseball said:
With respect to pitching many bucket parents do in fact know much more than the coaches. Unless the coaches DD is a pitcher or catcher most coaches have zero interest in the development of skill positions. Failing the coach developing players in these positions it is up to the parent to step in and make sure at a minimum the coaches do not make things worse.

I understand and agree to a point, but when is the right time to do this? How many times a year, a game or an inning is appropriate?

As bucket dads, we need to be able to trust what we have worked on thousands of times with the girls. At some point making corrections in between every inning becomes more about the bucket dad, and less about the pitcher.

riseball · Aug 3, 2015

JJS said:
Again, parents are missing the point here. Let the control go. I know it is hard. I have been there. You want to help your DD. You've seen her throw that drop ball 10,000 times and hit your glove. You know how to fix it. Your DD would be better served with you taking notes that you can discuss about her pitching performance once you were at home(or videotaping her for later). It is okay for her to have an off day in the circle. It is just one game. So what if they lose because you didn't give her an adjustment to make...

I have also been there. And my DD will be the first to tell you that had I followed the advice to step back, turn her over to someone else, be a dad in the stands and other well thought out advice she would never have made it to the SEC.

riseball · Aug 3, 2015

JJS said:
I understand and agree to a point, but when is the right time to do this? How many times a year, a game or an inning is appropriate?

As bucket dads, we need to be able to trust what we have worked on thousands of times with the girls. At some point making corrections in between every inning becomes more about the bucket dad, and less about the pitcher.

You only have one opportunity to get it right. She will not get a chance to start her softball journey over. You do whatever it takes to make it happen. If the coach has the skills then by all means back off. Unfortunately all too often that is not the case. Remember one such attempt at turning her over to someone else. She could never get a decent pregame warm up because the HC insisted on giving catching lessons while my DD warmed up. Wanted her to throw some of her warm up pitches in the dirt so the catcher could practice blocking. I will let you guess what position his DD played.

quincy · Aug 3, 2015

Where I am struggling with this is there is always another game or tournament. If DD struggles so be it, she needs to figure it out. Between games she is fair game, otherwise DD is on her own. She has occasionally come over to ask advice during a game which in fine but I will not let it become a habit.

Last year she was really struggling so I mentioned something to the HC who relayed it to DD while she was in the circle. It looked like he put in a new pitcher. Problem is that is now the “fix” or talk for anytime she is struggling so I do not do that anymore. I am not sure it was a good idea to begin with.

IMO, some of the examples in this thread are extreme. If DD was pitching in front of the college coach, I am warming her up. That is really an exception, not the rule.

riseball · Aug 3, 2015

quincy said:
....If DD struggles so be it, she needs to figure it out...

Why? Are you preparing her to pitch in a coaching vacuum where she zero resources? If she was pitching at UGA and struggling would you tell Rick Pauly stay silent so she can "figure it out" on her own. Or would you prefer she have a trusted resource to give her a few hints to help her on her way? What would your reaction be if she went to one of her teachers asking for help and they sent her away and told her she needs to figure it out on her own? It seems that the only time this issue ever sees the light of day is when the trusted resource happens to share a good amount of DNA.

klamath632 · Aug 3, 2015

Gronknation said:
I know you have all heard to stay away but it still happens. Quick story.
DD ,who recently finished her college career, is now going to grad school and helping her old team as an asst. coach. This weekend she was recruiting nearby so I took a ride with her to a few games. I wandered around while she did her thing. On the way home I asked her if she saw a certain pitcher that I thought was pretty good. She said that she thought she was very good but wouldn't be interested. When I asked why, she said that the girl was out of the dugout talking to her parents in between innings.

No other way to put it. Your daughter jumps to conclusions. I'm not going to say she's a terrible coach, because then I'd be the one jumping to conclusions, but this anecdote of yours isn't giving me warm fuzzies about her.

JJS · Aug 3, 2015

riseball said:
Why? Are you preparing her to pitch in a coaching vacuum where she zero resources? If she was pitching at UGA and struggling would you tell Rick Pauly stay silent so she can "figure it out" on her own. Or would you prefer she have a trusted resource to give her a few hints to help her on her way? What would your reaction be if she went to one of her teachers asking for help and they sent her away and told her she needs to figure it out on her own? It seems that the only time this issue ever sees the light of day is when the trusted resource happens to share a good amount of DNA.

I understand exactly what you are saying, but not everyone is Riseball. Not everyone is Rick Pauly. For every parent out there that understands and can see the adjustments needed there are 50-100 more that a overbearing "know it alls" that just want to live through their DD's success. I guess my experiences around the ball parks have shown that more often than not mom & dad are being meddlesome not because they are knowledgeable, but because they "played some ball back in the day". I think that you would also be surprised at how many people on this forum either don't understand pitching mechanics, or have studied them but don't have the eye to see the flaws.

I guess what I am saying(and take this as a compliment) is that you are probably the exception, and not the rule...

klamath632 · Aug 3, 2015

JJS said:
I understand exactly what you are saying, but not everyone is Riseball. Not everyone is Rick Pauly. For every parent out there that understands and can see the adjustments needed there are 50-100 more that a overbearing "know it alls" that just want to live through their DD's success. I guess my experiences around the ball parks have shown that more often than not mom & dad are being meddlesome not because they are knowledgeable, but because they "played some ball back in the day". I think that you would also be surprised at how many people on this forum either don't understand pitching mechanics, or have studied them but don't have the eye to see the flaws.

I guess what I am saying(and take this as a compliment) is that you are probably the exception, and not the rule...

What I find funny is that you condone this behavior of exclusion by a young new coach. For all this young new coach knows, it could have been Margie Wright sitting there outside the dugout, and the coach would probably have no idea who she is. Making the decision to exclude a girl completely from your consideration simply because she left the dugout to consult with her parents (or pitching coach, who knows?) is ludicrous. And it's ludicrous that you are applauding this action.

Doug Romrell · Aug 3, 2015

We could also have threads...
Don't be THAT coach!
Don't be THAT player!
Etc.

Don't be that parent

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