Youth sports--if your child doesn't love it, let her leave it.

CoogansBluff said:

Don't disagree w/ your post, but would like clarification on ''something''.

What qualifies as ''something''?

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You are right, this needs clarification. Something productive. For their health (mental and/or physical), we wouldn't allow our kids to sit on the couch texting or playing videos all day long, every day. My middle kid is into puzzles. While not much physical activity, it does require the use of her brain. This is "something" in my book.

So far, all my kids like sports. Not pushed on them, but once the oldest started playing softball, the younger ones just gravitated to it. So, I haven't crossed the road of "making" them do something at this point. My middle DD is wanting to take up archery, as the school just introduced that as a sport last year. This will force her to choose between the two in 2 more years, as they are played at the same time. It will be her choice. I've actually shot competitive before, so I'm good either way.

NorthMS said:

YMy middle kid is into puzzles. While not much physical activity, it does require the use of her brain. This is "something" in my book.

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I agree. I think sometimes those of us w/ 'year-round' sports kids start thinking every kid should have an activity that is 'serious.' You don't need a passion, IMO. Not at age 13. A lot of my DD's friends have no passion, but they stay active, they dabble, they read, go to church, have lots of interests. I don't even mind texting and video games - in moderation. I mean, isn't posting on this forum a kind of texting? I'm guilty.

CoogansBluff said:

I agree. I think sometimes those of us w/ 'year-round' sports kids start thinking every kid should have an activity that is 'serious.' You don't need a passion, IMO. Not at age 13. A lot of my DD's friends have no passion, but they stay active, they dabble, they read, go to church, have lots of interests. I don't even mind texting and video games - in moderation. I mean, isn't posting on this forum a kind of texting? I'm guilty.

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I agree. I've tried to get my oldest to try some other sports/activities, just to see if softball is what she really likes. She hasn't, but I haven't pushed. They don't need "passion" at this young of an age. Not saying it's bad, I just don't see it as a requirement at 12yo.

I'll admit I'm old school when it comes to texting. I've given in a lot. Mine does plenty but it's moderated. I still don't understand why they just don't pick up the phone and call their friend.

I've never pressured my children to do anything, sports or otherwise. Sure I would have liked to but I promised myself I would never do that. My only rule was that once they committed to something they had to finish it out. No quitting on something they signed up for. Three of my four kids are now 1 sport athletes after trying several different sports. I would like them to play several but they found the ones they like and that's what they want to do. Those 3 play at a competitive level at their sport and they all work hard at it because they love it. So it seems to have worked out so far. We'll see what happens if one of them wants to quit something they have invested so much of themselves in.

I think it's about finding a balance between supporting them in their decisions and encouraging them to not give up the minute something starts to get tough. Everyone knows there own child and has to make their decisions based on that, and also be aware of their own motives.
I've had issues with mine when it comes to music practice and we've had to deal with that and now one DD still plays an instrument after I said she could stop at the end of the year and by the time we got there she'd changed her mind. BUt I gave up the violin when I was 13 and still wish I'd carried on so I was coming at it with that knowledge.

NorthMS said:

I still don't understand why they just don't pick up the phone and call their friend.

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Apparently it is easier to talk to multiple people at once through text. At least that is what I am told anyway.

My youngest DD doesn't want to play softball. She is a good pitcher. I make her go but she wants to try other things such as golf and taking guitar lessons. I'm going to let her pursue those other avenues but I disagree with her when she says she doesn't like softball. She is a bit lazy but she also doesn't like the stress of having all of the pressure on her when she pitches. Her MS school team has some ok players (either they play TB or nothing) so they rely on pitching to win the games for them. Now that she has a solid defense behind her in TB, I think she will come around. I could be wrong but I hope not. She says she doesn't want to play for school (going into 8th grade) and definitely doesn't want to play for HS but I hope she does. Her sister will be a senior her freshman year and it will be the last chance to see them together on the field.

She is also very good at volleyball. Again, she doesn't want to play for the MS. There is a pattern I see in her so I don't let her off the hook. I am forcing her to do something she likes? Sounds weird but I know deep down she enjoys it or she wouldn't work as hard as she does when she is actually doing it.

As far as living vicariously through them, they do it for themselves. I have my own accomplishments and accolades, I don't need theirs. I enjoy the time I get to spend with them doing things that I enjoy(ed) when I was a their age. I'll do that as long as they want me to.

Okay, so what if my youngest DS doesn't want to do anything physical except play video games? Or play with building software? DS (almost 10 years old) is in karate, and he really hasn't shown a keen interest in it after a year. He is supposed to start back up when school starts, and he is dreading it. DH says keep him in, it's good for him and we have already invested a bit in equipment (hahahaha...nothing compared to what *I* invested in softball *blush*). I say let him leave it, and maybe turn him more to something like FIRST or STEM. Something that I am sure he will enjoy. It's hard having two older ones being much more physically adept and then the baby being, well, just a geek. LOL! I am happy with that totally...just need to get DH to understand it.

With all that said, I personally would like for him to do something active in order to develop healthy habits. Not necessarily competitive sport, but something to keep him happy and healthy AND wanting to do it.

Didn't mean to go off on this...obviously it is something we are struggling with now for the youngest kid.

Slappers said:

There is a pattern I see in her so I don't let her off the hook. I am forcing her to do something she likes? Sounds weird but I know deep down she enjoys it or she wouldn't work as hard as she does when she is actually doing it.

As far as living vicariously through them, they do it for themselves. I have my own accomplishments and accolades, I don't need theirs. I enjoy the time I get to spend with them doing things that I enjoy(ed) when I was a their age. I'll do that as long as they want me to.

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I could have written this about my DD a couple of years ago. She struggled with having to make sacrifices for softball. We pushed her to push her own limits and resistance. Resistance because she wanted more sleepovers and wanted to be free to go to whatever. Now, going into 10th grade, the resistance is almost gone, and she pushes herself because the drive/focus is higher than ever. In hindsight, I believe that we did the right thing but also in hindsight, we also learned to balance everything so that she still got the sleepovers and other activities. We just knew that deep down, she loved softball. It was just a matter of her coming to terms with how much dedication SHE wanted to put into it. With age/maturity, the dedication/focus/drive increases...especially if the love of game is there.

riseball said:

When it is a lateral move with equitable benefits it is much more palatable. However, how would you have handled things if he said that he wanted to quit baseball to play video games and hang out with his friends at the skate park?

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So I intentionally avoided this thread by title until appartently it got to the third page here specifically as it causes me some pretty severe emotion.

Mr Riseball here eloquently addresses it as I feel too.

I let one of my children quit the "hard" activity (and not swap) after freshmen year to just do whatever the wind carried. HUGE mistake.

I wish I could turn back the hands of time......

I emplore you folks to not make my same mistake. (yes I know this is one data point - but I can see more examples now having approached what should be the "empty nest" phase of life....)

But not all kids enjoy sport, some of those kids playing video games go on to become computer programmers and will just take up swimming in their spare time. Those kids hanging out at the skate park are still doing exercise and are socialising, which is a huge deal. I think how we judge our kids' success is based on our own expectations and sometimes these have to be adjusted to fit the kid.