Winning versus Having Fun

[howellhandmade]

And the losers lose because the thought of losing isn't hateful enough? Mark Grace said, "If you're not cheating, you're not trying." Some people take that as gospel, too.

What do you want to teach? I want to teach responsibility, aspiration, perseverance, alertness, accomplishment, positive thinking. I don't want to teach shame, and fear of failure. Nor do I want to teach empty bravado. The Patton quote is a bit ironic, now that the Olympics are on. We see the joy of winners, and the pain of the losers. Who among us cannot feel sympathy for the athlete who has given his or her best, and simply been beaten? We see that while the best Americans do win quite a bit, winning is not uniquely American. Yes, a gold medal is worth much more than a silver, but are we really not going to tolerate any of our splendid, dedicated, young countrymen/women because they lost? Is that really American? I certainly hope not. How about Michael Jordan's take:

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

 

[inde53546]

Coached 10u rec this year 2 main focuses for the girls, llearn the game and have fun. Different girls find joy happiness and have fun in different ways. Winning can make the game fun for some, but maybe not if you struck out 3 times and had an error? At this young age as the cliche goes you learn more from a loss than win...in a team sport you need to balance winning vs. personal performance.

 

[howellhandmade]

Coached 10u rec this year 2 main focuses for the girls, llearn the game and have fun. Different girls find joy happiness and have fun in different ways. Winning can make the game fun for some, but maybe not if you struck out 3 times and had an error? At this young age as the cliche goes you learn more from a loss than win...in a team sport you need to balance winning vs. personal performance.

You know, you're right. Most girls in a 10U or 12U are not going to wind up on the national team. You can't go all philosophical on them and I don't. They want to win, too. But there's a difference between building a winning team, and making everybody miserable if you don't win whether your team is capable of it or not.

 

[Ken Krause]

Here's some information on a survey of kids 8-14 on why they wanted to quit sports: Study: Most kids wanted to quit sports team

For 47%, it's because they weren't any fun. That's low compared to some other surveys I've read. Usually "not being fun" is the #1 reason listed for why kids quit.

There's being competitive, and there's going overboard with it. When coaches base their own self-esteem or self-image on whether the young kids in their charge win a stupid game there's something very wrong.

 

[softballphreak]

You gotta have a positive mental attitude like the father whose son brought home one D and four F's. The father told him it was obvious that he was spending too much time on one subject.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

Here's some information on a survey of kids 8-14 on why they wanted to quit sports: Study: Most kids wanted to quit sports team

For 47%, it's because they weren't any fun. That's low compared to some other surveys I've read. Usually "not being fun" is the #1 reason listed for why kids quit.

There's being competitive, and there's going overboard with it. When coaches base their own self-esteem or self-image on whether the young kids in their charge win a stupid game there's something very wrong.

I don't know Ken, I kinda look at it different. 47% say it's not fun anymore and then 42% would rather play video games. Sounds like to me they would rather sit on their butts in the air condition than get out and WORK hard for something. Too bad one of the questions wasn't " did you quit because you're a lazy a$$ ".

 

[GOINGDEEP]

Sports Dropout Rate for Girls Six Times Rate For Boys | MomsTeam

 

[Cannonball]

DD's 14U coach is one of the best people and coaches I have ever known. He didn't play to win and yet, that team went 64-20. He played to have fun. However, he told the girls that because they will have more fun, they will win. They did. His practices were very good and he sometimes was very intense. In fact, a couple of games, we had to have him sit down because he became overheated. There were times he'd run over to the stands and ask where the parents were and wanted them to get loud. He heaped praise on his players even when they didn't do well. He would show up in weird sunglasses or ... you just never knew. For each game, parents were assigned what to bring for snacks or team meals. Healthy snacks. We played in 5 states and took a team with my daughter from one school district and then the varsity team from another and we beat teams everywhere. Our girls laughed and had the best time. My daughter has a whole wall dedicated to that team in her room and they are still best friends. Last night, many members of that team went out together to dance. That team has not played together in 4 years. I can guarantee you that they will be in each other's weddings. That coach is back to taking on a new group of young kids like my daughter. More young ladies are going to have the summer that many dream about. Wanting to have fun and wanting to win is not impossible.

Edited to add:

I still call him Coach and even at the time, he wanted to be called Wayne. I told him that in my opinion there was no one that I had met that had earned the title of "Coach" more than he had.

 

[jdp29]

DD's 14U coach is one of the best people and coaches I have ever known. He didn't play to win and yet, that team went 64-20. He played to have fun. However, he told the girls that because they will have more fun, they will win. They did. His practices were very good and he sometimes was very intense. In fact, a couple of games, we had to have him sit down because he became overheated. There were times he'd run over to the stands and ask where the parents were and wanted them to get loud. He heaped praise on his players even when they didn't do well. He would show up in weird sunglasses or ... you just never knew. For each game, parents were assigned what to bring for snacks or team meals. Healthy snacks. We played in 5 states and took a team with my daughter from one school district and then the varsity team from another and we beat teams everywhere. Our girls laughed and had the best time. My daughter has a whole wall dedicated to that team in her room and they are still best friends. Last night, many members of that team went out together to dance. That team has not played together in 4 years. I can guarantee you that they will be in each other's weddings. That coach is back to taking on a new group of young kids like my daughter. More young ladies are going to have the summer that many dream about. Wanting to have fun and wanting to win is not impossible.

Edited to add:

I still call him Coach and even at the time, he wanted to be called Wayne. I told him that in my opinion there was no one that I had met that had earned the title of "Coach" more than he had.

I'd say he was a very good coach who cared about his kids but inside was "
playing to win"

 

[howellhandmade]

SNIP He heaped praise on his players even when they didn't do well. SNIP

Nothing wrong with playing to win. In fact, it's a good thing. But I've seen coaches heap criticism on their players even when they didn't do all that badly, and pick on mistakes even when they won. My favorite coach locally is super positive and cheerful, has a huge smile and always tells the girls something positive. He never expresses anger or disappointment; if a girl lets a ball lets a grounder go between her legs he praises her for being in the right spot. He's a rec ball coach, but his team wins the league every year. He's had both my younger daughters on his team, and he's a big reason why they both love the sport.