struggling with DD's motivation and love of the game…advice?

[sluggers]

If the child wanted to play, then she should be given the opportunity to play. If she doesn't want to play, then she shouldn't be forced into it because a parent thinks the child will be great.

So you think at 11 this girl has really tried and given her best effort?

I don't know. I haven't seen the girl. I haven't talked to her.

I think 11YOA girls are old enough to know how they want to spend their time.

I have 3 DDs. DD#1 and DD#3 were good athletes. DD#2 didn't have the eye-hand coordination of a fish (fish have no hands). She struggled until she was 14YOA...she played 1/2 the game in a rec league, batted 9th, and played RF. We didn't make her...she insisted. She loved playing softball. She loved the uniform and hanging out with her friends.

Quitting because of competition is not trying at all

Pro athletes quit all the time because they can no longer compete.

 

[chinamigarden]

When I see a thread that goes "dealing with dds motivation and love of the game" I usually wonder if the problem is that the parents motivation and love of the game is different then The kid's. Why does the parents feelings or desires have to be the right ones?

I know this is a strange concept for some but... Not every person is competitive. And that's OK. Not every kid has to be in a sport. And that's OK too. Not every kid has to like the sport their parent likes. And that's really ok.

Find out what she likes and encourage that. It might take a few tries but that's ok.

 

[Easton33]

If the child wanted to play, then she should be given the opportunity to play. If she doesn't want to play, then she shouldn't be forced into it because a parent thinks the child will be great.

The child did want to play until the competition was better. That is what I got out of it, I could be wrong. I do not think the child being "great" is this parents motivation. As she herself was never an athlete.


I don't know. I haven't seen the girl. I haven't talked to her.

I think 11YOA girls are old enough to know how they want to spend their time.

I have 3 DDs. DD#1 and DD#3 were good athletes. DD#2 didn't have the eye-hand coordination of a fish (fish have no hands). She struggled until she was 14YOA...she played 1/2 the game in a rec league, batted 9th, and played RF. We didn't make her...she insisted. She loved playing softball. She loved the uniform and hanging out with her friends.

14 vs 11. I lot will change with this young lady in the next 3 years. Again, if she doesn't want to play softball I agree not to make her. However if she quitting because she has to compete for a spot then I think she should keep going.

Pro athletes quit all the time because they can no longer compete.

Never said this didn't happen. The difference between our views is you are saying she CAN'T compete and I am saying she may be quitting because she will have to compete. Quitting without competing.

OP, just have a mother daughter talk with her and find out. Does she not like it or does she not like the competition of tournament ball? Maybe she would like to stay down in rec for a season or 2.

 

[Easton33]

Oops, not sure what happened there but part of post is in ur quotation.

 

[Indiana]

A friend of mine has a daughter who is a gymnast. She is at the gym for 6-8 hours every Saturday and Sunday in addition to several hours each weekday. When I asked about the skill level of today's gymnast, my friend told to me to watch any recent youtube videos of gold medal floor exercises at the olympic level. Then to watch Nadia Comaneci's perfect 10 floor exercise from the 1976 olympics. The difference is astounding. I believe softball has followed a similar growth model.
Our expectations have been raised, but the reality is that very few athletes will reach the new gold standard. Perhaps this is where a fear of failure comes in. To reach the gold standard today, an athlete must be willing to commit year round to incredibly intense training and have talent coming out of their eyeballs. But there are lots of ways that kids can find a passion and be the best that they can be, at any level.

 

[dbronstein]

I know this is a strange concept for some but... Not every person is competitive. And that's OK.

Well said. My DD loves softball but she has absolutely no desire to play competitive or TB, she is very happy playing rec ball. She loves going to practice and playing the games, and she initiates pitching with me on the off days. But she has zero interest in playing at a higher level. She likes being on a team where everyone gets pretty equal playing time, they get to move positions, the coaches aren't focused on winning, etc.

I do wish that she was more competitive and wanted to play at a higher level, but that's not who she is. She's happy where she's at - we're both having fun and that's what counts.

 

[CoogansBluff]

A friend of mine has a daughter who is a gymnast. She is at the gym for 6-8 hours every Saturday and Sunday in addition to several hours each weekday. When I asked about the skill level of today's gymnast, my friend told to me to watch any recent youtube videos of gold medal floor exercises at the olympic level. Then to watch Nadia Comaneci's perfect 10 floor exercise from the 1976 olympics. The difference is astounding. I believe softball has followed a similar growth model.
Our expectations have been raised, but the reality is that very few athletes will reach the new gold standard. Perhaps this is where a fear of failure comes in. To reach the gold standard today, an athlete must be willing to commit year round to incredibly intense training and have talent coming out of their eyeballs. But there are lots of ways that kids can find a passion and be the best that they can be, at any level.

Good points, although I don't think you need more talent than before. Just more training and effort.

This is what I've experienced with my daughter, and it might be worth it's own thread because I'm curious if others would agree with this, and I don't mean to hijak. When DD began rec ball and early travel, she was average in athleticism, maybe a little above in rec, but certainly average at entry-level travel. My expectation was that as she worked harder and reached higher levels of the sport that she then would become below average athletically compared to those really good players.

But what I've found is that she's still average athletically (maybe a little above average now because she grew into a tall body) even while playing a much higher level.

Why is that?

1. Some of those early great athletes didn't like the game enough to play year-round.
2. Some of those early great athletes didn't have the parental or even financial support to play year-round.
3. Some of those early great athletes began to specialize and left softball.

As a result, I don't see the athleticism at the better levels of 18U/16U that I expected when I was at 10U/12U.

Not saying there isn't athleticism, so please don't mistake that. Just saying i'm not overwhelmed by it. Short of those girls that can play in the SEC, Pac 10, Big 12, etc., the game is largely dominated by average to better-than-average players who enjoy the game enough to out-work and out-play everybody.

 

[KneeHighSocks]

wow! I go away for a couple of days and look what happens LOL

Just to reiterate a few points:


!. We aren't doing private coaching to make her "perfect". She asked to work on infield skills over the winter because she played outfield before and never really learned the "proper" way to play 3rd base. She is the kind of person that likes to be well prepared as it eases her nerves. There is no strive for perfection, just learning the right skills. Basics, repetition to get comfortable etc.

2. she is her own worst critic and I really think she may just be saying she may quit after this year because if she doesn't play to her own standards she'd rather not play. Again I am totally fine with that. I'm fine with whatever she decides to do.But I'd like to do something to help her get to playing "at her own standards" vs nothing and allowing her to fizzle out. I came here looking for advice and stories of if anyone else had similar experiences at the age because I have just noticed and uptick in the level of play at this age and wondered if it discouraged other girls and how parents dealt with that. Obviously we have a lot invested at this point. As a family and her as a player. I'd hate for her to just give that up if this is just a bump in the road but if that's what she wants in the end so be it. So, thats just why I asked the question. She is probably not ever going to try to play in college and that has never even been discussed with her. Quite the opposite actually. I've told her she will go to college no matter what so don't worry about that part. She stated playing because she loved it. She has become quite good. I hope that she always enjoys it but if she really doesn't then so be it.I guess we will see over the next few months.

she says she DOES want to play softball…she is having mixed feelings, hence the title of my post.

I've gotten some great advice and also I think some people missed the points I was making, but that's fine I appreciate all of it, lots of good perspectives. Happy Holidays everyone!

 

[vdubya]

I wish kids today had a chance to play more whiffle ball, stick ball, pickle, work up etc. These are the games that allowed us as kids to learn the game and create a passion and love for the game!

THIS!...along with post #42 should be a thread of it's own. Not that it doesn't belong in this one per se'.