Me_and_my_big_mouth
witty softball quote
So my 15 yo DD is an introvert. Tough to get to know. Told for the last several years that she has RBF. She kinda does. They say she has a face that says, "I will cut you." When you ask her what she's thinking? She says, "Oh, probably what we're gonna eat later. I was really hungry." When she was first offered a position on a 12u team, the coach looked at her expectantly and she was frozen. He finally broke the silence by saying, "Would you like to smoke a cigarette and think about it?"
DD keeps her mouth shut. Works very hard, and is known for being intense and direct. Sure she smiles and will have a good time - but it's fleeting, especially when there's work to be done. She genuinely hates "team bonding" events that involve games and crafts, and she isn't a joiner.
The last team bonding event, I asked her how it went. "Good, I guess, if by good it means that the same 4 socially awkward girls hung out together being quiet and watching everyone else be fake. Honestly, I'm over it. I know how much smack-talk goes on behind everyone's backs and it's so stupid." I really didn't know how to answer. Finally, she said, "Why do we have to be besties? I mean, throw the ball. Catch the ball. Hit the ball. Do your job. Then you're my bestie. This stuff always makes me feel so awkward."
She's a genuinely nice person in reality. She is extraordinarily loyal to people who have her back - and she does enjoy laughing and cutting up as much as the next teenage girl. She just doesn't do well in groups, and she absolutely shuns attention. So when a girl like that is competing with girls who like the spotlight, are well-spoken, and unafraid to ask for what they want, it is tough to watch. I think coaches believe she has an attitude - which couldn't be further from the truth. She wants to please her coaches more than anything, and she's terrified of letting them or the team down. That's why she freezes when she's put on the spot. She doesn't want to give the wrong answer.
My question, during this fantastic tryout season, is: How often does personality affect a girl's chances on a team, when skillset is equal? Will the girl with the big, "leadership" personality always be chosen over the quiet one?
We've encouraged her to talk, and she's trying. But you can't force someone to be who they aren't, and we want her to be with a team who understands her and appreciates her quiet intensity. Is that unrealistic?
We're thinking she needs one of these:
DD keeps her mouth shut. Works very hard, and is known for being intense and direct. Sure she smiles and will have a good time - but it's fleeting, especially when there's work to be done. She genuinely hates "team bonding" events that involve games and crafts, and she isn't a joiner.
The last team bonding event, I asked her how it went. "Good, I guess, if by good it means that the same 4 socially awkward girls hung out together being quiet and watching everyone else be fake. Honestly, I'm over it. I know how much smack-talk goes on behind everyone's backs and it's so stupid." I really didn't know how to answer. Finally, she said, "Why do we have to be besties? I mean, throw the ball. Catch the ball. Hit the ball. Do your job. Then you're my bestie. This stuff always makes me feel so awkward."
She's a genuinely nice person in reality. She is extraordinarily loyal to people who have her back - and she does enjoy laughing and cutting up as much as the next teenage girl. She just doesn't do well in groups, and she absolutely shuns attention. So when a girl like that is competing with girls who like the spotlight, are well-spoken, and unafraid to ask for what they want, it is tough to watch. I think coaches believe she has an attitude - which couldn't be further from the truth. She wants to please her coaches more than anything, and she's terrified of letting them or the team down. That's why she freezes when she's put on the spot. She doesn't want to give the wrong answer.
My question, during this fantastic tryout season, is: How often does personality affect a girl's chances on a team, when skillset is equal? Will the girl with the big, "leadership" personality always be chosen over the quiet one?
We've encouraged her to talk, and she's trying. But you can't force someone to be who they aren't, and we want her to be with a team who understands her and appreciates her quiet intensity. Is that unrealistic?
We're thinking she needs one of these: