How should DD handle Parents suffering from the Dunning-Kruger effect

[Cobb_of_Fury]

Here's the situation;

My DD is almost 13 and has been playing Softball since she was five and allstars at seven Travel since she was Nine.

She decided this fall she would like to help out a local rec ball coach with his 8U team -

It was a great success, Girls loved her and she helped them and along the way she gained a lot of confidence and the joy of volunteering and helping others.

This spring this same coach invited her back to help him coach his 10 year old daughter’s team.
She preferred the younger girls but rely liked the coach – So she went to help him.

The first day helping she was asked by the head coach to work with the pitchers – mind you she was not trying to break the ‘Hello Elbow’ or espousing internal rotation just showing them where they need to stand on the rubber, reminding them they can’t step back to pitch general review of the rules etc.
all of a sudden this dad came out of nowhere and told her im an 'unkind voice' his daughter did not need help.
my dd understood shrugged and left her alone.

From that point on no matter what she tried to show the girls he would butt in and show them a different mor diffacult or less affective way to do it.
My daughter became frustrated with this Dunning Kruger addled fool and just walked away.

When I talked to her on the ride home she was nearly in tears (not a typical state for her) and she was upset that this guy wouldn’t let her help.

From the look of this fellow his skill set had topped out at t-ball.

I don’t begrudge any dad from helping out and I had even asked the Head coach before we agreed to be sure he actually needed the help and to be sure my DD was not taking any of the dad’s opportunity to help. He had insisted he had no volunteers and welcomed my daughters help and knowledge.

She has gone back a couple times but the same thing keeps happening, whatever she was working on he would butt in and "correct" her.

After this she no longer wants to go and help anymore and does not want me to talk to the head coach about it.

What should I do?

Dunning Kruger Effect:Dunning

 

[marriard]

She is 13 so she is entering the age where she should be the one talking to the head coach on her own behalf.

You don't do anything except encourage to find a way to sort if out for herself and that you will support the decision she makes.

If she decides it is not worth it and stops, then that is her decision and she lives with it. If she decides to talk to the head coach - the same. If she chooses another way - well as long as it is not out of line or has no chance of success (after all you are still her parent) then you should support that as well.

 

[29dad]

No offense to marriard or anyone else, but I've seen a lot of posts lately indicating that the parent should back off and the kid should be the one to bring up the issue with the coach. Something about building character. I just don't agree. I mean on some level, i get it. If the kid is concerned about playing time or playing positions, by all means, the kid should be the one to talk to the coach. But when it comes to things like bullying and how to handle aggressive adults, i just don't subscribe to the theory that hands off is the best approach. This is a 12 year old girl (not quite 13) who is being intimidated by an obnoxious adult. Time for her parents to show some leadership and be good role models. She should not have to cope with this on her own. Mom and/or Dad should either confront the parent or talk to the head coach. I think that is a far beter life lesson for the young lady than simply telling her "good luck with that." So marriard we simply agree to disagree. It would be a pretty dull message board if we always agreed with each other.

And for the life of me I cannot imagine how a head coach allows this to happen. Last year my DD was 14 and she also helped coach a younger team, and if this would have happned to her the coach would have banned the parent for the season. No question in my mind. But it never would have happened because no parent would have dared to walk on the field during practice.

 

[marriard]

No offense to marriard or anyone else, but I've seen a lot of posts lately indicating that the parent should back off and the kid should be the one to bring up the issue with the coach. Something about building character. I just don't agree. I mean on some level, i get it. If the kid is concerned about playing time or playing positions, by all means, the kid should be the one to talk to the coach. But when it comes to things like bullying and how to handle aggressive adults, i just don't subscribe to the theory that hands off is the best approach.

Not suggesting the parent back off or not provide support or discussion or coaching/advise on what the right course of action is- just that the first action should come from the kid first when approaching a coach to get an answer they want to know.

If she was approaching the obnoxious parent involved that is different - but if she is approaching the coach who asked her to come out and help - well that feels like a safe enough environment for them to stretch their wings.

 

[cuzmail]

No offense to marriard or anyone else, but I've seen a lot of posts lately indicating that the parent should back off and the kid should be the one to bring up the issue with the coach. Something about building character. I just don't agree. I mean on some level, i get it.

I agree and I always question the "why". Most of the times it comes from a coach which makes me wonder what the actual motive is. Is the kid easier to dismiss and push around without an adult?

I understand that a kid has to grow up and make decisions for themselves at some point, but we as parents are here to help them with that when they are a minor. Why is softball any different?

 

[JerseyBall]

Is it possible the HC believes this dad knows what he's teaching? Pitching parents can be a tough bunch. They pay a lot of money for lessons and really don't want their DD to be given bad advice. I understand that and as a coach, I'm sensitive to that and will usually work with the pitcher and the parent when I see something off, such as staying open.
At the same time, if I'm sensitive to that situation, I sure as heck will not allow another parent work with my other pitchers because they think they know a lot from hours of watching their dd's lessons.
You should talk to the HC and find out what's up and ask him what are his boundaries so your DD knows what she should be allowed to teach and why this other dad is interfering.

 

[PA SB Dad]

I've always said the craziest sports parents in general are the ones with kids 8 to 10 years old, and this one seem to be no different. If this happened to my DD, I would let the HC (with DD there) know in no uncertain terms that I expect him to address the behavior of the obnoxious parent. DD is there as a favor and volunteering to help out. I'm sure the obnoxious parent would never do that to an adult helping to coach the team, and 12/13 yo DD should be treated the same.

 

[MsDinosaur]

The first day helping she was asked by the head coach to work with the pitchers – mind you she was not trying to break the ‘Hello Elbow’ or espousing internal rotation just showing them where they need to stand on the rubber, reminding them they can’t step back to pitch general review of the rules etc.
all of a sudden this dad came out of nowhere and told her im an 'unkind voice' his daughter did not need help.
my dd understood shrugged and left her alone.

From that point on no matter what she tried to show the girls he would butt in and show them a different mor diffacult or less affective way to do it.
My daughter became frustrated with this Dunning Kruger addled fool and just walked away.

When I talked to her on the ride home she was nearly in tears (not a typical state for her) and she was upset that this guy wouldn’t let her help.

My DD is 14 and helping out with a t-ball team. I sit by the side and just watch. However, if some guy came up to DD and started bullying her, I'd be out of my chair PDQ. I may be smaller than DD, but she's my baby.

If your DD is leaving his DD alone, he needs to leave her alone. JMHO.

 

[Elk Grove Hurricane]

that's wrong on so many levels. FOr my little 8u team I have two older sisters who pitch 12u travel ball, and I actually let them coach my pitching and try to absorb as much as I can. None of the 3 that pitch are from families wealthy enough for lessons, so whatever they absorb is good for us. I try to stay out of the way, or watch in the background to pick up what I can. The girls know more than me, and I'm more than happy letting someone smarter coach them. Most of the parents appreciate it as well.

 

[SandyM]

Asking the HC to implement a 'no parents on the field' rule, along with a reminder that all coaching issues be directed to the HC, would be appropriate. Since this young coach has worked with the HC for some time, they should have a good enough relationship that this request will not be awkward.

Pitchers, and parents of pitchers, are especially sensitive to outside coaching. When a style conflict surfaces with a player receiving professional skills training (pitching, batting, catching), it is best handled in a discussion between the HC and the professional coach. Criticizing at a 12 y/o assistant coach who is providing basic pitching fundamentals is out of line.