Share Some Conversations:

[Cannonball]

I wanted to share some of the conversations my DD and I have been having. As I have pointed out, she has been eaten up by softball most of her life. I've posted several times before that we constantly had to tell her that softball was what she did and not who she is. With the college conference tournaments starting this week, she has been over at our house most of the week watching the games. She is pregnant and having twins so that situation is weighing on her because she wants to make it through the HS season before having the twins. (Ping and Pong) We have talked a lot about how she was raised etc. and why she wants to be a coach. I wanted to share a couple of those conversations:

We were talking about a player who has a lot of potential and she truly is excited to coach. At one point, she mentioned that she tried to give this player a sense of what she did to be successful and how hard she worked. I stopped her and mentioned to her that she needed to be careful doing that. In reality, most players don't care about how successful a coach was. Instead, they want to know what the coach can do to help them. What we agreed on is that sharing those types of things is good if a player is doing well. However, if a player is not doing well, forget the resume and just coach. It was a great conversation and I think that many new coaches could learn from that.

We were watching the Georgia/Auburn game and when it went into extra innings, she said that she had to leave to go breakdown stats, former practice plans, ... that they had to prepare for a game that would determine their conference championship. I told her that she is putting too much effort into this. She spends hours doing this stuff. I mentioned that players change but that coaches often do not. Know the coach and you'll have a great idea about how to approach the team. For example, we have a coach in our area who will bunt with a runner on 1st and no out regardless of who is up to bat. This coach is as consistent at this as water being wet. So, we discussed that for a long time.

One night we were talking about defensive positioning. DD asked me how I always knew where a player was going to hit the ball. Players often say that it is scary how I move an outfielder and then, the ball gets hit to them where I positioned them. I told her that I kind of know the players BUT I absolutely know my pitcher. I go from there. I will give you all one more key to what I do as a coach that she and I talked about. I often yelled stuff from the dugout. Many parents, fans and opposing teams didn't like it. Those were really key phrases for how we were going to pitch someone. Each year, I asked players to keep those phrases a secret. I didn't/don't care if parents, fans, ... like me. I do want my teams to be ready for changes in how we are pitching someone.

Finally, and this is getting too long. DD sent me a text last night. It made me really proud. In short, they won. To paraphrase, she said she loves coaching so much. She mentioned that she loved playing so much and needed to keep softball in her life. Then, she mentioned that she now understands why I have done it for so long. The feeling of winning as a player and coach are different and yet so great.

I apologize for the rambling. I hope this all makes sense.

 

[YoungBuck]

I appreciate a coach that puts in the time. My experience is they are the exception... I currently help a team that just 'rolls the ball out' - definitely discouraging.

 

[CoachCeetar]

My conversations are way on down at the other end of the spectrum. These are like, kid kids, most of them still believe in Santa kids. But it's interesting to see how/who responds, is actually listening and who might be listening but isn't really able to translate what you're saying into what to actually _do_.

My daughter puts up all sorts of blockades to communication, and it's real hard (both as a parent and a coach) not to react poorly, angrily, because a lot of it comes off as sort of uncaring and not trying, but I'm teasing out it's a lot more of scared to fail and indecision.

We had a disaster of a game in the rain on turf early on, and she pitched two innings and told the other coach she didn't want to go back out there. So because it was pouring on and off and we're trying to get as much of this in as possible, he puts someone in and just puts her at her position (first base). A ball gets past her, rolls away, and she needs to be yelled at to go actually pick it up and throw it back in.

I got on her a little bit about that later, about "hey, literally no one else was there and the runners were running.." and she got all angry and grunt-y at me, but later I did tease out a "I don't trust myself at first base" which was enlightening to me. i know she's not ready to play there, she still panics when the balls thrown at her, catches in an extremely awkward manner, but the _trust myself_ part of that really helped me understand that somewhere buried in that 9 year old brain is some desire to actually improve and get better.

Vocally, she'll insist she just likes pitching, and doesn't care about the results and batting and if they win the game or not, but there are signs that that's not true, and signs that "I don't like batting" is actually self-defeatist "I'll never be able to do it"

 

[Orange Socks]

As a kid, I don't remember details of the majority of the games I played or whether or not we won or lost. As a coach and as a parent, I remember so many details such as Player names, situations, teams faced, outcomes, etc. As a coach, I also took wins and loses so personal to a fault. My DD thinks I am a weirdo because I remember details that she has no recollection of.

Coaching and Playing are two different animals.
I sat on a bucket for so many years learning the game alongside my DD. Our kids for the most part are being told to Play and Do on the field. As coaches we don't do a great job of sharing the details of the why's of strategy during a game. By the time they become coaches there are facets of the game that they don't know what to do. It only comes to them by time, experiences and losing. That's when they say, aha! I remember this situation and I know what to do this time. I have seen many newly college graduated coaches getting outcoached and we parents expect they should know what to do, since they played the game at the higher levels.

Coaches spend many hours developing practice plans, lineups, strategies, tourneys, communications, etc, that parents have no clue about usually at the detriment of their day jobs. Hats off to you current coaches.

 

[Cannonball]

As an FYI, this thread is open for all to share conversations with their DDs. We can all learn from those conversations. They might be some simple or difficult situations and we have all gone through them in varying degrees.

 

[Rolling Hard]

Coach's resume? I told my DD when I played I was so happy to look at coach and get the bunt sign. Really. I knew I could bunt (that about all I could do) and I would be getting a "that a boy" back in the dugout. I was very consistent at stepped in the bucket and hit weak ground balls to the 2nd baseman.

 

[chinamigarden]

At about 14 we had a discussion. After butting heads over some pitching issue or another. I agreed that she had more practical knowledge and experience in pitching. And she agreed that I had studied more and understood pitching theory better. So when I made a suggestion she knew it was coming from an application of theory and not a criticism of her ability. Honestly I don’t know if it helped her pitching but it helped in our relationship.

As for sports and life in general. My wife and I had been looking for opportunities to show her that being competitive is OK but you can’t beat yourself up over every mistake. So second grade she is explaining to me how she had a 50 question math test coming up and how each question was worth 2 points and to get a perfect 100 she needed to get all 50 right. So I jumped in with.
“So if someone got 3 wrong what’s their score!”
“94 Daddy”
“94 is an A that’s still a very good score”
She sighs and says “ you don’t understand Daddy the goal is to get 100”

At 8 she was upset her soccer team tied a rival 0-0. Only game all year she didn’t score.
So I say “that’s a tie against a good team. You didn’t lose”
Sigh “a tie is like both teams lost because neither team won”

That strong competitive nature still lives in her. But by her sophomore year she learned how to channel it and not beat herself up so much.

 

[CoachJD]

I will give you all one more key to what I do as a coach that she and I talked about. I often yelled stuff from the dugout. Many parents, fans and opposing teams didn't like it. Those were really key phrases for how we were going to pitch someone. Each year, I asked players to keep those phrases a secret.

Mind sharing an example? I've been trying to figure out a way to call out certain coverages/plays/approaches without just announcing to the other team what I want. I've tried wristbands for defensive positioning, and it just didn't work for me.

 

[Cannonball]

Mind sharing an example? I've been trying to figure out a way to call out certain coverages/plays/approaches without just announcing to the other team what I want. I've tried wristbands for defensive positioning, and it just didn't work for me.

Sure, sometimes I would yell, "Everyone on your toes." That meant that a changeup was going to be thrown. Typically, everyone would shift as I yelled this as I walked out of the dugout. The goal was to have people look at me while they shifted. The third baseman and shortstop both adjusted. We were most likely going to double up on those changeups when I did this if the first was effective. Second example, "Hey we need to get going." The hitter was not going to see an inside pitch. For baseball, and this is one that made parents angry, "Hey throw strikes." The pitcher would step off, the SS and 2B would look at each other and one would give a signal to the pitcher that they had the pickoff move at second base. The pitcher would tuck their thumb into the waist of their pants signaling that they had the key to who would cover and then, we would run the pickoff. One last one. I would walk out and yell, "Lets get going." and then I would knee down or squat down. What that meant is that I wanted the pitcher to signal what they wanted to throw. We had a set of pitcher signs to the catcher.

 

[CoachJD]

Sure, sometimes I would yell, "Everyone on your toes." That meant that a changeup was going to be thrown. Typically, everyone would shift as I yelled this as I walked out of the dugout. The goal was to have people look at me while they shifted. The third baseman and shortstop both adjusted. We were most likely going to double up on those changeups when I did this if the first was effective. Second example, "Hey we need to get going." The hitter was not going to see an inside pitch. For baseball, and this is one that made parents angry, "Hey throw strikes." The pitcher would step off, the SS and 2B would look at each other and one would give a signal to the pitcher that they had the pickoff move at second base. The pitcher would tuck their thumb into the waist of their pants signaling that they had the key to who would cover and then, we would run the pickoff. One last one. I would walk out and yell, "Lets get going." and then I would knee down or squat down. What that meant is that I wanted the pitcher to signal what they wanted to throw. We had a set of pitcher signs to the catcher.

Ok, this is what I figured in terms of the phrases. I love it.

How long did it take to teach to the players?