High School Coaches and Summer Team -- DD's Dilemma

[JAD]

If college ball were her goal, she would NOT be on the high school coach's summer ball team, but rather would be on a more elite team 60-90 minutes away like the main varsity pitcher for next year does (i.e., she plays on a much more talented team during the summer).

If she does not has aspirations of playing college ball let her play on your team and enjoy the season!

 

[Sparky Guy]

If college ball were her goal, she would NOT be on the high school coach's summer ball team, but rather would be on a more elite team 60-90 minutes away like the main varsity pitcher for next year does (i.e., she plays on a much more talented team during the summer).

And there is the HS coach's controlling angle. I'm guessing he knows she does not have college aspirations so HS softball is very important to her. The HS Coach's teams sound like more of an ego trip for school for him than anything else. How successful is the HS program?

Seeing the coaches side. The player did commit to the team and I'm sure he planned his season around the players who told him they'd be there for the season. She has made it more difficult for him to run the team.

This is a great life lesson opportunity for your DD. She had made a commitment and now wants to recant on her agreement. She is allowed to do that. But with each decision there are consequences. She wants to take charge of her life as most young adults do. But she doesn't want to do the hard part. I would advise making her talk to the coach face-to-face as a condition if she wants to leave the team. Then support her decision.

 

[Doug Romrell]

And there is the HS coach's controlling angle. I'm guessing he knows she does not have college aspirations so HS softball is very important to her. The HS Coach's teams sound like more of an ego trip for school for him than anything else. How successful is the HS program?

Seeing the coaches side. The player did commit to the team and I'm sure he planned his season around the players who told him they'd be there for the season. She has made it more difficult for him to run the team.

This is a great life lesson opportunity for your DD. She had made a commitment and now wants to recant on her agreement. She is allowed to do that. But with each decision there are consequences. She wants to take charge of her life as most young adults do. But she doesn't want to do the hard part. I would advise making her talk to the coach face-to-face as a condition if she wants to leave the team. Then support her decision.

Oh, I think this coach has been pretty good for softball in a very weak softball valley of three high schools. However, it's always tough, given the other schools in the region are stacked with elite TB players, not generally associated with high school summer teams. I do respect the man for what he has done in building a good summer-ball feeder program.

There is not doubt but what she has really disrupted his plans for the summer, as she was clearly a main core player of one of the two 16U teams. I do sympathize, and would not want to be in his shoes. On the other hand, she's dead serious about wanting out. I think some of the problem is that he has the two 14U and the two 16U teams together in the hot afternoon. He does have help, but I think it's quite whirlwind and tensions are always high. She feels she gets more individual-oriented instruction from my practices, due to there being only 9-10 players at most.

Let me stress again, I think this guy is a great game coach. I may not agree with a lot of the mechanics he teaches, but he's a better game coach than I am. I believe I've got the upper hand on the one-to-one instruction.

 

[Doug Romrell]

Doug, I'm sure you have thought about this but you had better be prepared with a plan when/if he cuts your dd next spring. Document, document, document.

While I'm not certain, I really doubt he would cut her next HS season over this. Of course, I could be wrong.

 

[Doug Romrell]

A HS coach that has 2 teams (with not one being a showcase team for college exposure) is probably a bit militant. She does not have to play on them at all. However, she has to handle it, either by emailing a request for a meeting and doing it in person or writing an email that she is quitting but will talk to the coach if he wants to talk. I don't think many of the kids today would telephone to do this, although I had one player call me because she wanted to trade HS ball for travel volleyball. I thought the call was very adult thing and was proud of how this player handled it. She then brought me her uniform and gave me a hug (I would say shake hands if a male coach....).

OILF, I'm very impressed with your insight in this regard. ;-)

 

[daddiox2]

Why not offer to have a meeting with your DD, yourself, the coach and the athletic director. That way it can be clear that she likes playing HS, but needs to make a different decision for summer, and that it would have no implications on her tryouts next year for HS.

 

[pizza-boy01]

I think some of the problem is that he has the two 14U and the two 16U teams together in the hot afternoon. He does have help, but I think it's quite whirlwind and tensions are always high. She feels she gets more individual-oriented instruction from my practices, due to there being only 9-10 players at most.

Four teams practicing together? That's 40-50 girls; that's not practice, that's a zoo. Those numbers sound more like a camp. I'd guess that you definitely have the upper hand in one-to-one instruction; because in his practice scenario, I'm assuming there is little to none.

 

[Doug Romrell]

Four teams practicing together? That's 40-50 girls; that's not practice, that's a zoo. Those numbers sound more like a camp. I'd guess that you definitely have the upper hand in one-to-one instruction; because in his practice scenario, I'm assuming there is little to none.

Yeah, it would me more like a softball camp, which is one way to do practice.......one way she really does not care for. The issue is more than that, though. She would like a bit more laid back (not lazy) less in-your-face approach. What I believe the coach doesn't realize, and I see this as part of his risk management problem generally, is that his approach has the increased potential to drive good players away. My DD (and I) don't like his ownership attitude (i.e., I own you...or you belong to me).

Let me be clear, however, I do think he's a good coach in spite of MY differences in coaching philosophy. I have not pulled my DD from him. She wants a break from what he does--his approach. He needs her due to her ability to play any position, including pitching. Could it hurt her chances to make the HS team next year and again play varsity? Yes, but I think that would be shameful for him to punish her in that way, especially given he really needs her.

But let me be clear..... This is not meant to be a personal attack on the coach, but rather a reaching out for help in this HUGE decision.

This is NOT a situation I like being in--parent, coach, etc. While I would like to say, "You've committed to play for THEM, so that's what you are doing..." However, that is too much of a push and could well alienate her more to softball. She wants to play, but wants a less militant approach this summer and fall. I'm concerned for that team, but I'm more concerned about DD and what she now wants.

 

[Doug Romrell]

Why not offer to have a meeting with your DD, yourself, the coach and the athletic director. That way it can be clear that she likes playing HS, but needs to make a different decision for summer, and that it would have no implications on her tryouts next year for HS.

I think the coach and I have somewhat a rapport with each other. I do believe that he doesn't like other coaches being able to meddle with "his" HS players.....possible exception is pitching. We have been able to communicate somewhat.

I don't think the athletic director need be involved.

What I would like from the coach is A LOT MORE UNDERSTANDING of what is at risk here. While it might seem like the end of the world to him in losing her for summer and fall ball, IT ISN'T the end of the world. She could well come back in the spring as good or better than he had hoped she'd be staying with him. This is not something he sees as being possible.

I don't want this to be a battle of coaches pulling on DD. I'm not pulling. If anything, I'm pushing DD his direction. My DD needs to be the one to decide. Heck, she's 16, which is plenty old enough to make this decision.

Turmoil, turmoil, turmoil!!!

 

[sluggers]

What I would like from the coach is A LOT MORE UNDERSTANDING of what is at risk here. While it might seem like the end of the world to him in losing her for summer and fall ball, IT ISN'T the end of the world. She could well come back in the spring as good or better than he had hoped she'd be staying with him. This is not something he sees as being possible.

Doug, I understand where you are coming from. But, you want the HS coach to react in a certain way. You can't control how he will react.

Your DD has to make a decision, and then tell the HS coach of her decision.

I understand she is unhappy, but a large part of this is her own doing...i.e., she failed to tell the coach when the coach first asked her. She has to go talk to him.

IMHO, it is a bad idea to go with your DD. If you do, it will look like *you*, not her, are doing this.