Confront a coach or not to confront?

[GOINGDEEP]

Way too early right now

The transition from TB to HS ball is hard for some kids, even harder for some parents. Give it some time.

Lots of times good freshman players get lucky by position needed. ( empty slot by graduated senior, etc ) Where does your DD play? Is the position open? How much better/worse is the current player in that position? Has the current player "proven" herself over her HS career?

 

[knightsb]

IMO, I would tell my DD how proud I was that she made varsity as a freshman. I'd advise her that if she wants more playing time to show how bad she wants it during practice by out hustling everyone, cheering on her teammates, volunteering whenever any help is needed, and above all maintaining a superior attitude.

If she is talking about running track because she is frustrated about her playing time as a freshman, and softball is her main sport, I wonder about how that frustration is being played out in front of the coaches. She may be giving off body language she doesn't even realize that is holding her back from more playing time.

 

[CoogansBluff]

Simple question to the coach, "What does my daughter have to do to get some playing time?"

As a parent, I wouldn't ask a coach that. I would let my DD know that this is an option for her, and she can decide if she wants to pursue it.

The answer to your question is generally always the same, whether the coach puts it this way or not, and that answer is: ''You have to convince me that playing you more will give us a better chance of winning than what we're doing now.''

Which begs the question, "How can I convince you if I don't play more?"

Here are some other suggestions: You say your DD is considering running track. You mean this season? If so, I think she needs to make that decision now. Either she's in, or she's out, IMHO. If she expects the coach to shoot straight with her, then she can't keep secrets from the coach (ie, "If I don't play more, I'm out.'')

If she's in, then I think it's easier to have an open discussion w/ the coach, which starts with the premise that ''you're the coach, I will respect your decisions and give 100 percent to the role that you assign me.''

Another suggestion - If DD talks w/ coach about playing time, approach it from the perspective of the team and coach, not the player. In other words, it's not ''I want to play more,'' but rather ''I think I can help this team if I play more. Is there anything that I can do ... '' Also, I wouldn't merely coach her to frame it that way. I would coach her to think that way.

Best of luck. My DD is in the 8th grade, and I know the ability levels of most of the girls she'll be up against in high school next year. It will be hard leaving those decisions in the hands of a coach who hasn't seen many of those players perform year-round as I have. But that's what high school is. For newcomers, it's not about what you've done, but what you can do in those two weeks of tryouts and beyond.

 

[Comp]

As others have said, WAY to early to bring up playing time. Also your daughter is the one who needs to have that discussion with the coach, not you. My daughter made varsity as a freshman, and like yours barely saw the field through the first 3 games and never did get an at bat. The coach promised her a start in the 4th game of the season against a good opponent. She took the opportunity and proved she deserved to play, went 3-4 at bat as I recall and was tough on defense. She earned a starting position that night and ended up carrying the 2nd highest batting average on the team.

 

[James Smith]

Your DD is 13/14, she should be old enough to talk to the coach on how to get more playing time. I would not let her quit the Team.

Unfortunately I have had these conversations in the past and have a 0% success rate.

 

[CoachCalvin]

Lots of times good freshman players get lucky by position needed. ( empty slot by graduated senior, etc ) Where does your DD play? Is the position open? How much better/worse is the current player in that position? Has the current player "proven" herself over her HS career?

The need is in the outfield. There is one returning player, who plays a very good center field. Left and right were left vacant. Three freshman are vowing for two positions. The one is left I am ok with because she is the better overall athlete. Like I said prior, the girl in right is the same. I coached her during the summer, so I saw first hand. I just want fair playing time... That is all I am asking. There is a very good possibility there are politics involved I am not aware of. Sad that HS sports have come to this.

 

[fastpitch]

At this age your DD should be the one to talk to the coach about playing time. Not you.

I repeat.

At this age your DD should be the one to talk to the coach about playing time. Not you.

It's also only freshman year. If she keeps working and improving she will have her time. It sounds like there must be at least some older talent on that HS team for her not to be able to get into the games. If her attitude as a freshman is that she'd rather run track than possibly keep playing for school next year because she isn't playing in the first tournament of the season then maybe softball isn't her thing. Softball is a team sport, it's not only about one player and their parents.

I was speaking to a D1 college head coach a few weeks ago. She was saying how she plays to win and how her job depends on winning. There are only 10 spots in the lineup (& 9 players on the field - her pitcher doesnt hit) so on a roster of 18-20 there will be people on the bench. She said players who aren't in her starting lineup needed to tell her who needs to come out and why in order for her to consider that player to get in. It sounds cut throat but that's how it is. She said it's a hard pill to swallow for some of these kids who have typically been the best player on their teams and hardly sat all their lives but that's how she handles it.

All that being said, I would talk to my daughter and help her work harder than everyone else on the team to make sure she left no doubt about her having to be in that lineup. Unless you are a true stud defensively (or a pitcher), it's the hitting that gets you somewhere on the field or in the lineup. If her defense is adequate focus on the hitting. Our girls athletic career is too short. Practice with her. Enjoy the time spent with her and all the playing time stuff will work itself out. Good luck!

 

[CoachCalvin]

I appreciate everyone letting me vent here in this forum, instead of looking like a dumb@$$ in front of the coach. I just want what every father wants, his dd to be treated fairly. This is the first time I have seen the playing field through a parent's eye instead of the coach. This may be harder on me than on my dd.

 

[KCPRK]

If you do not want to teach DD to speak for herself and you want to take a great risk of ruining her career go ahead and interfere with the process.

It is DD responsibility to speak for herself in HS and beyond. You gotta let go man and enjoy the ride or you both will be miserable.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

It is difficult. I went through it with my son. And yes, it wasn't Jeremy that cared a bit.

Could she politely asked to be moved to JV? My DD loved it as a freshman and the team loved her, for helping them.