I coach kids. If they want me to parent them too, the team fee will rise exponentially.
Coaching Boundaries
- Thread starter Easton33
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- Nov 29, 2009
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I think everyone would agree on the definition of what a mentor is to one degree or another. The rub comes in with WHO should be a mentor? And in what form.
As a coach with no kids on the team I feel it's my job to teach them the game as well as I can. I can address how their actions on the field at practice and tournaments effect themselves and their team. I can push the need for hard work and never being satisfied, always feeling they can be better. Hopefully being proactive with positive enforcement will help them become better players and people in our society. Teaching the value of hard work and dedication whether your winning or losing. That's how I define my role as a mentor to the kids I coach.
As a non-parent of the players, anything off-field should be handled by someone who knows them in that situation better than I do. Be it a parent, relative, neighbor, school personnel or church leader. They know as much about their softball situation as I do about their non-softball lives.
On one of my first teams I had a girl whose parents were going through a very ugly divorce where they tried to use the kids against each other. One day the girl shows up to practice visibly upset. I asked her if her parents were fighting and she nodded her head. I told her that when she comes to softball with me she can forget all of that. I will treat her like all of the other girls on the team so she can feel like herself when she was there, and if she needed someone to listen I be glad to do so. Her whole demeanor brightened and she was like every other girl on the team for the time she was there. She never did ask to talk with me, and I was fine with that. After the season was over I never heard from her or the parents again. I only hoped I was able to help her through a tough time in her life by treating her like the rest of her teammates.
To me, the "mentoring" part of coaching is largely about explaining how what happens on the field applies to life off the field, but in concrete terms. For example, on the importance of effort and attitude, I tell my players that on a job application they can't write that their team was undefeated last season, but they most definitely can use their coach as a reference, and I will be happy to give them one if their effort and attitude have been where I needed them to be.
I am a softball coach and I am here to do more than teach softball. That's my personal belief. There are laws that require coaches to report any suspected cases of abuse. So you can't just blame the coach for being an adult. Based on the coaches job they might be bound by law to report any suspicious or illegal activity.
The issue here is not whether or not it should be addressed because it absolutely should be. The issue here is how and with whom it should be addressed. Under the age of 18 it should be addressed with the parent and player privately with 2 or more coaches present. Also it should be inquisitive as to what happened and if the parent was aware. Remember what looks like a kissing mark might be from a slap and vice versa. Tact should be used when dealing with sensitive issues, but a coach that turns a blind eye to obvious items/issues shouldn't really be a coach. It is the responsibility of the trusted authority figure to assist in handling these issues.
If everyone turns a blind eye to a problem or pretends like it doesn't exist it only gets worse.
The issue here is not whether or not it should be addressed because it absolutely should be. The issue here is how and with whom it should be addressed. Under the age of 18 it should be addressed with the parent and player privately with 2 or more coaches present. Also it should be inquisitive as to what happened and if the parent was aware. Remember what looks like a kissing mark might be from a slap and vice versa. Tact should be used when dealing with sensitive issues, but a coach that turns a blind eye to obvious items/issues shouldn't really be a coach. It is the responsibility of the trusted authority figure to assist in handling these issues.
If everyone turns a blind eye to a problem or pretends like it doesn't exist it only gets worse.
IMO ,,, the neck thing is a parenting issue and should not even be addressed by the coach unless the player comes TO the coach needing or wanting to discuss the situation. I would think this may be more common with the female coaches, but regardless for me it's a parent issue. Now if it were an issue with illegal substances illegal behavior ie- underage drinking or issues that I felt were putting that player in danger,,,I would have a discussion. However last time I checked, 100 years ago a hickey is not dangerous, contagious or illegal just really tacky !!! Without other contributing factors, I'm staying away and coaching softball.
ArkFastpitch
Dont' I know you?
- Sep 20, 2013
- 351
- 18
Although I don't coach anymore, I'll still weigh in. Hickey, cover it up. My job is to minimize distracions on the field not play parent. Bruise from abuse, now I get involved. I believe I have a moral obligation to stand up for any child being abused or neglected whether they are my own or not.
Assuming it is a distraction. I don't know how other players would respond to it. A coach making a decision to ask a player to put a bandage over a hickey might be more distracting and have more people talking than the hickey itself.
Agreed, although that's not the role of the coach, per se. It's the role of anyone with knowledge or reasonable suspicion of it.
- Jan 9, 2015
- 276
- 0
When I hand any of my children over to any authoritarian figure I expect them to be responsible for my child. Whether it is an aunt, uncle, grandparent, teacher/administrator or coach I expect them to look out for the best interest of my child. If there is any situation that needs handling I expect them to do so. I also expect that person to come to me and discuss their actions of how they handled any disciplines needed. I then will talk to my child one on one and determine if there is additional disciplines needed. If I don't trust(not blindly, but monitoring their relationship and actions) an individual to be responsible for my child, then I should not be placing my child in their care.
I mean they will soon be in the big bad world where what they see as something being inconsequential, someone else may have a totally different view of it. The kid and the parents may not have a problem with a hickey but if the coach of a 12u or 14u team does they need to respect it and not let it happen again. Whether you agree with the coaches view or not respect his decision for his team image. Here again you may not agree it affects team image but that doesn't matter, the guy that runs the team does.
To specifically answer your question with a scenario.
Girl gets job at a Mom and Pop store. Comes into work with hickies all over neck. Her parents don't have a problem with it and she apparently doesn't either, but she is working the front desk at this store and the owners don't like it. This same debate can be had and many of the views here will apply but now that dd is in the real world she will conform or she will be fired. They probably won't fire her the first time but (like the coach) will address it with her. At that point, will she decide to leave her job like she left her team in TB for the same thing or will it not be an issue because she learned her lesson in TB and never came to work with one in the first place?
