DD Calls It Quits

[KCPRK]

Are you sure theres not something about the team shes on that turns her off of softball? I know that theres a few coaching styles and players attitudes that if my daughter played for shed rather not play than deal with that stress daily.

IMHO at that age your going to work. Whether it be Dairy Queen or Softball or volunteer-as long as you put your time towards something productive.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I always made the kids do a HS activity and it sounds like she is going to do that. So, it is time to be applying for a summer job, I think.(Preferably something that starts at 8AM.) If she has no way to pay you back the current fees, maybe she could take over her own phone bill.

 

[coach james]

Coach James, are you helping to coach this new team? If so, ask if it would help if you didn't coach. Sometimes, young adults pick up signals that aren't there like disappointment during drill work.

My wife and I told my dd that softball and academics were her job. If she failed at either, then she would need to get a job. Getting a job is a great lesson in life as well. I agree with another poster in this thread that what is at stake is your father/daughter relationship. Noting is more important than that. Coach James, a lot of us see our child in terms of lazy or ... at times. Often we see the "crash" coming and there is nothing we can do about it. I see one coming soon for mine. As a parent, your child has to know that you will be dad first when that crash happens.

Good luck.

I was basically an asst. I did most of the hitting instruction and would help out as needed with the pc. DD has this misconception of playing for me (Dad) means that her spot is guaranteed. Which is rediculous because I'm harder on her than the others and never hesitated benching her if she was subpar.... The worst part about her was last year while playing A/B tournaments as well as a few showcases with gold teams she had a BA of damn near 700, then got to HS and flipped a switch and barley hit 250... she looked like a beast with my team and an injured mouse with the HS team??? With me she's a leader. Vocal and confident with a very strong presence. Then it's as if shes an entirely different kid at HS with different coaches.

 

[PA SB Dad]

I think when a kid starts getting "lazy", it's really about resisting an activity because they are not loving what they are doing anymore. IMO it sounds like she was giving you signals that she was no longer enjoying softball, but did not come out and tell you until it was obvious she was going to keep playing when her friends had quit. I would not give her a hard time. Kids will quit sooner or later, and what I've found was that as a parent-coach it was harder to give up being involved because I enjoyed it so much. You can continue to enjoy it even if your DD is no longer playing, as teams are always looking for good coaches. I would not walk away from coaching if that is what you enjoy, but you will now need to find another way to connect with your DD. Good Luck!

 

[vdubya]

Coach,

If anyone asks, I would say "Right now she just wants to play HS ball" and leave it at that. Taking a break by playing HS softball and simply having fun might lead to other things...maybe. I wouldn't be proclaiming that it is over or that she quit playing, on the internet or otherwise. The more people you tell, the more she hears it and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Leave it at "she is a good player and is wanting to play in HS" for now and see how her feelings/interest evolves.

She may have a blast in HS and want to play with some summer team because her HS coach recommends it. That is several months from now and entirely plausible. I would certainly leave the door open by letting her turn down the intensity for now, without proclaiming to the world that she is finished. (Even if those were the words of a teenage girl, your eldest daughter I presume lol)

VW

PS: It is ok to just 'contribute' to your HS team without being a superstar. Support her whether she wants a letter, headlines, or just to play for her school with her friends. Support means to zip it, Dad, and I mean that in the friendliest way. G' luck!

 

[Elk Grove Hurricane]

Everyone who has ever played baseball or softball reaches this point, Coach. When it becomes work as opposed to fun its hard to keep going, she just hit the wall sooner than anyone would like to see. Maybe you can get her interested in coaching with you, maybe seeing someone else playing hard rekindles the flame that made her want to excel. When I hit the same point in HS baseball (realized I had no shot at any real PT Senior year) it took me playing on the dad's team against my younger brother in a father son game (divorced parents, stepfather was and is an ahole with no interest in anything we liked) to remind me that I still loved the game.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

My DD came to me at the end of her sophomore TB season just before becoming a Junior in HS and said basically the same thing. I told her basically "Hey kid it's your life. This TB-SB thing you have got to love it and you have got to have a vision for wanting the next level to justify our family extending the kind of sacrifice that TB-A demands." I told her that I was sure she had the talent to make it at least low D1 and it was all up to her head. I also told her that of course mom n dad will love DD with whatever she chooses.

DD appeared to take a long hard think about it but then proceeded to tell me "ya I think I want to quit". I was shell-shocked but I threw myself into the ole saying of "If ya love it - let it go - and if it was meant to be it will come back".

Well after a fall of thinking it was all over and DD spending time with non-SB friends and her boyfriend at that time she one night came to me as I was drifting off into oblivion in front of the TV and said "Dad I don't know what the heck I was thinking. I am a competitor. I am going crazy living this non-competitive life (for only 3 months). I want that big college education dream (versus local community college where my boys started). Can we look to get everything back going again with SB?"

This floored me and back in action I went looking to secure a TB-A team slot that we had missed all the tryouts for.

Fast forward - DD is now living her big college education dream and coming up on her first year of regular season there. She may be a starter but she is glowing ear-to-ear on the pre-med program she is getting.

I am not suggesting this is the path that your DD will take but I want to have you know this path can happen. "Done" does not always mean "done", and it might just mean they need a break to see if the grass is greener.

 

[coach james]

Thank you to all who offered advise.

 

[Jojo]

I always made the kids do a HS activity and it sounds like she is going to do that. So, it is time to be applying for a summer job, I think.(Preferably something that starts at 8AM.) If she has no way to pay you back the current fees, maybe she could take over her own phone bill.

This was a big dilemma I had with my DD when she asked me if she could get a job. I absolutely did not want her to get a job.
I repeatedly told her, "Going out in the yard every day and practicing is your job."

I heard stories of most of her friends getting jobs then boyfriends and then quitting all their goals over their jobs and boyfriends and I did not want that to happen to my DD.

I finally did allow a summer job with a lot of restrictions, --like the first time you say you can't practice because....job---being #1.
She agreed.

In the end is was a good decision because she got a job as a waitress at a local restaurant and realized that she really wanted a college education and didn't ever want to do a job like that the rest of her life.

 

[redhotcoach]

It seems like society is really trying to rush kids through their childhood. I was just at my dd's sophmore class pre registration, they were really pushing for the kids to load up on avanced and ap classes to get college credits. "You could get your BA in 3 years"...sure I am for saving on some college tuition, but load yourself silly in high school, so you can get through college fast as possible, so you can go out and get a career earlier sounds like missing out on the best part of life.

I was telling my young son's counselor about it, she said "you tell your daughter that the most important thing she can learn at 15, 16, 17 years old is that this is a great life, enjoy it, worry about college when that time comes."