What's your motivation?

[CatchTheFever]

I'll start off by saying my daughter is 12years old (03' - 2021) with 1 year of eligibility in 12u remaining. She's been playing 14's for the past 6 months. We've recently gone through the experience of searching for the "right" team for my DD and feel lucky to have landed with her current team. Through this process, after speaking with many individuals in the softball world including other parents, DD, many Coaches, etc, One thing stood out to me above all others. This one thing for us, was about the 4th or 5th top priority considering our situation but it was the focus point of just about every person we spoke to. This made me wonder if our perspective on this is different than most others?

The single most talked about thing during our experience which even included some "recruitment" was what they or their team could do for obtaining a College Scholarship. I'll say that my DD has goals to play in college and a scholarship would/will be an awesome accomplishment, but at this stage of the game, it's definitely not what's driving us.

It seems to me that more and more people are getting lost by focusing on the "prize" at the end of the road, rather than enjoying the experiences of getting there. At 12 years old, we still have plenty of time to focus on preparing for college. Things like a fun atmosphere, player development, strong practices, playing a challenging schedule, & Competition are all things that were more important to us than getting my DD a college scholarship.

For me, our family is not in this for the scholarship. (I'd just have her play rec ball and point all the travelling money into a college fund if that was the case). I do this because I love seeing my daughter compete and have fun. I do it because it creates many life lessons and experiences that many children miss out on. I do it, because I did not have the same opportunities that my DD has when I was growing up. As long as she is having fun and competing at a high level, I will do whatever it takes to provide the avenue for her to do so. Sure, a scholarship at the end of the road will be icing on the cake. While she's still young enough to not stress it though, I'm going to sit back and enjoy the cake without the icing. it's sweet enough as it is!

 

[riseball]

I'll start off by saying my daughter is 12years old (03' - 2021) with 1 year of eligibility in 12u remaining. She's been playing 14's for the past 6 months. We've recently gone through the experience of searching for the "right" team for my DD and feel lucky to have landed with her current team. Through this process, after speaking with many individuals in the softball world including other parents, DD, many Coaches, etc, One thing stood out to me above all others. This one thing for us, was about the 4th or 5th top priority considering our situation but it was the focus point of just about every person we spoke to. This made me wonder if our perspective on this is different than most others?

The single most talked about thing during our experience which even included some "recruitment" was what they or their team could do for obtaining a College Scholarship. I'll say that my DD has goals to play in college and a scholarship would/will be an awesome accomplishment, but at this stage of the game, it's definitely not what's driving us.

It seems to me that more and more people are getting lost by focusing on the "prize" at the end of the road, rather than enjoying the experiences of getting there. At 12 years old, we still have plenty of time to focus on preparing for college. Things like a fun atmosphere, player development, strong practices, playing a challenging schedule, & Competition are all things that were more important to us than getting my DD a college scholarship.

For me, our family is not in this for the scholarship. (I'd just have her play rec ball and point all the travelling money into a college fund if that was the case). I do this because I love seeing my daughter compete and have fun. I do it because it creates many life lessons and experiences that many children miss out on. I do it, because I did not have the same opportunities that my DD has when I was growing up. As long as she is having fun and competing at a high level, I will do whatever it takes to provide the avenue for her to do so. Sure, a scholarship at the end of the road will be icing on the cake. While she's still young enough to not stress it though, I'm going to sit back and enjoy the cake without the icing. it's sweet enough as it is!

To your point if you focus on the process the end result, whatever that may be will take care of itself. The ability to play college ball is much less about skills and more about mindset which is why so "great TB players" wash out in the first year.

 

[CoogansBluff]

For me, our family is not in this for the scholarship. (I'd just have her play rec ball and point all the travelling money into a college fund if that was the case). I do this because I love seeing my daughter compete and have fun. I do it because it creates many life lessons and experiences that many children miss out on. I do it, because I did not have the same opportunities that my DD has when I was growing up. As long as she is having fun and competing at a high level, I will do whatever it takes to provide the avenue for her to do so. Sure, a scholarship at the end of the road will be icing on the cake. While she's still young enough to not stress it though, I'm going to sit back and enjoy the cake without the icing. it's sweet enough as it is!

I don't doubt this for a moment, but isn't this what all parents say? I've never heard a parent say that it won't be worth it unless DD gets a scholarship.

What are you seeing specifically in other parents that makes you believe (and perhaps rightly so) that they view things differently than you do? Is that that they are no enjoying it as much as they could? They worry to much?

I don't disagree w/ your assessment of parents necessarily, but curious how we can tell the difference between parents who are seeing things as you do and those that don't.

 

[grcsftbll]

I'm with you! My motivation is that I absolutely love watching my daughter play. She's 9 so we're not really thinking about college, beyond daydreaming about how nice it would be if she played for a school near us. I figure if she's still loving it when she's 14/15 we can start thinking about that. She is very competitive, loves a challenge, and more than anything loves to play softball. For me personally, I love all of it. Well, summer tournaments in GA are pretty rough but it's worth it. I love those moments when she makes some amazing play, especially if I get it on video and can watch it later. I love watching her pitch. I love her whole team and how they work together - we have an entire team of girls like her who are really competitive and talented and it's pure joy just to watch them in action.

The very last thing I want is for it to become a job. Kids this age don't need jobs, they need to ENJOY LIFE.

 

[CatchTheFever]

CoogansBluff, I'm hearing it more so from coaches (some which are parents as well). In the past couple of months I've had coaches say "let's all be honest, we're all her to get a college scholarship for our daughters" in a team/parent meeting. My immediate response is "no, that's not why we are here"

If that ultimately happens, then great. When she's 14/15, that may be a driving force. I just think too much emphasis is put on it at younger ages. Imo.

 

[Ken Krause]

CatchTheFever, it's unfortunate that for many people that is what youth sports have become - a means to a scholarship instead of an experience in and of itself. That said, I believe you have the right attitude, and a much healthier attitude as well. There is so much to be gained from playing fastpitch softball regardless of whether you find that scholarship pot of gold at the end of the travel ball rainbow.

To me, the biggest thing your daughter can learn is how to become the best version of herself. What she learns in trying to become that in softball will absolutely carry over into other aspects of her life. I know and have coached a lot of girls who had no interest in playing college ball, yet they highly value the experience they had in learning to compete and be part of a team.

Riseball was right on the money. If you focus on the process of becoming a great softball player the rest will take care of itself. College coaches want more than skills. They want a winning attitude. If your daughter plays for the love of the game, instead of because she's trying to get money for school, that enthusiasm will show.

There is plenty of time later to worry about showcases and scholarships and all that. For now, focus on enjoying the ride. It's a short one.

 

[CoogansBluff]

CoogansBluff, I'm hearing it more so from coaches (some which are parents as well). In the past couple of months I've had coaches say "let's all be honest, we're all her to get a college scholarship for our daughters" in a team/parent meeting. My immediate response is "no, that's not why we are here"

If that ultimately happens, then great. When she's 14/15, that may be a driving force. I just think too much emphasis is put on it at younger ages. Imo.

Well, that's certainly a mistaken assumption by a coach with players that young, unless the team was built for that explicit purpose. There are 14U showcase teams nowadays.

My DD is 16. She's played travel ball since she was 9. It wasn't until she was 14 that she wanted to play in college. My motivation didn't change much with that transition. It was just another goal to help her with. But the overriding motivation for me has been the enjoyment of helping someone try to be good at something. I've always had to have something like that in my life, so I guess I encouraged my DD to be that way.

I've been guilty of not enjoying the ride as much as I'd like, but it's not because the one and only prize is college softball. She's almost definitely going to play in college at this point, but it wouldn't kill me if she didn't because her years in college have great potential whether she plays or doesn't. There's a part of me that thinks she might be better doing something else. College softball can be a great experience, but also entails sacrifice. As far as my own enjoyment, I'm just a little too up and down based on her performances. Wish I could relax more and enjoy the fact that she's just on a ballfield playing a game that won't be there forever. I say all the right things, but can't always practice what I preach. (Fortunately, I don't show her those ups and downs, realizing that it's my issue, not hers.)

The most enjoyable times that I have with softball are practicing one-on-one w/ DD, throwing her front toss, watching her hit off the tee, hitting her fly balls, and the talks that we have about softball, many of which transcend the game and delve into those corny life's lessons that you mentioned. I can't say that my motivation for becoming a softball nut was the desire to have a close relationship w/ DD, but that is absolutely the most significant and best result of it, by far. That won't change when she plays in college, assuming she will.

 

[BobInMadison]

My motivation has been for my kids to find something that will be fun for them as well as give them some exercise.

DS loves rowing. He tried track in MS and as a freshman in HS, and once every year or two will walk on to an open track meet. He liked sprinting, but he loves rowing. He found a college not far from home which has a rowing team that fits his abilities, and also has a great mechanical engineering program. So, he is on his college rowing team. I honestly hope he finds a way to row after college. He also likes to ride his bike by Lake Michigan on weekends (not around the entire lake), so if he doesn't row, I hope he rides his bike a lot instead or in addition.

DD #1 likes to run. She has no interest in track. She entered some track meets in MS, and did quite well. She was also a good hitter, so she was quite entertaining to watch on the base paths. It got to where the only part of softball she really enjoyed was stealing bases. Not enough of a motivation, so she quit the game. She would rather put on running clothes and just head off somewhere by herself. The college she will attend (Wisconsin) has a great running path right by a pretty lake. I will encourage her to take advantage of that.

DD #2 is my least athletic kid, and doesn't really have any sports she likes. Maybe I can talk her into trying non-competitive co-ed slow-pitch in college. Or maybe not. I hope she finds some way to keep in shape.

DD #3 tried a lot of sports. Some of them she doesn't like at all. She isn't very good at others. However, she can pitch, she can hit, she can field and she is a fast runner. So, she plays softball on a TB team. I am sure she will play softball in HS, and possibly in college. I hope after her "official" Sb career is over, be it after HS or college, that she will find some way to continue to play, perhaps in some clubs.

I also have to realize it's not about me, it's about what they want. It didn't make me feel great when DD #1 quit softball, since she was good at it. I was mad at her when I realized that when she quit softball she wasn't going to try out for track, because she is good at it. However, what SHE likes is to just put on the gear and the headphones and take off running.

Sometimes I think DD #3 could be a better player if she worked harder. DD #1 says DD #3 wants to be a great player, but doesn't want to put the work into it. So, she is on a very good B team now. If she worked harder, she could probably play A ball. But so what? She has a lot of friends on her B team, the coaches are great, and the practices are nearby. Would it be better to burn her out pushing her to play A ball if she didn't really enjoy it?

The point is, my motivation is for my kids to find something they like, and for them to own the process, no matter how frustrating that gets for their parents.

 

[02Crush]

There are too many who are "lost" on this path you mention. All too often I see big names laying claim to the players who made it to play in college only to look and see the actual schools these kids are going to. Many of these schools would pick a talented player regardless of all the money spent on the big names or money spent by parents to go to "nationals" in 10U, 12U and 14U. Most times it is about playing where you don't get walked, having to defend a hit ball with runners on base and how to make adjustments to overcome losses (personally and as a team). Merely playing "A" ball is not always the answer anymore as playing A ball has become so much about qualifying for a national event rather than player development. 12-13 is still a long way from college and there is a ton of time to continue to develop as a player. It is the rare few who are verbally committed at age 13-14. The rest of the players must continue to work hard into age 16-18 and that requires playing on a team where practices are solid, she is one of the best 9-10 for playing defense, she hits in the order consistently, she learns how to have a tough skin and how compete no matter the situation.

 

[Westwind]

To your point if you focus on the process the end result, whatever that may be will take care of itself. The ability to play college ball is much less about skills and more about mindset which is why so "great TB players" wash out in the first year.

Nailed it. To me the process is the fun part. The rest will take care of itself.

To me it doesn't make sense to make the scholarship the goal. Most of the sports money I have heard about for non-pitchers is a third or two thirds at best. And those are rare.

I have also heard parents/kids being interested only in the schools that offer the most money but seem to have no idea what programs the school offers or what degree the child might be interested in. Is softball the end game? What happens after college?

Then you see good players that can't go to the school they want because they don't have the grades. I understand not everyone has the good fortune of testing well but the grades gotta happen.

One of best things that ever happened in dd#1's softball career was a decent ACT score. I hear parents talk about sports scholarships but to me it looks like the real money is in academics. Her test score and grades opened as many doors as her bat and speed did.

And to tag on to Crush '02's thoughts, all is not lost if you aren't recruited by Alabama in 14u. Dd#1 loves softball, always has. She played rec until first year 14's. Her first year of 14's was on a rec team that transitioned to a few tournaments. Her second year of 14's was a team registered B with good coaches who developed players. She aged out of that team and was the last kid another good coach picked for an A registered team and he developed her further. She has yet to be the best player on any team she has ever been on. It seems like every coach that ever picked her up was taking a chance on her, and she was thankful to have the chance. This fall she will wear a uniform at the D1 she has wanted to attend since middle school. That coach is taking a chance on her too. She will be studying in the program she loves. None of that happened because she was on a 14u exposure team, it happened because she worked hard to get better because she wasn't the best player on the team. It also happened because she took care of business at school, sometimes until it hurt. It's been a heck of a ride. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I hope it lasts four more years!