To speak or not to speak?

[tdosal]

I would really love some objective opinions

My daughter is an '02 practicing with a new 10U team and they will be playing in a couple tournaments prior to official tryouts. She has been playing travel sb for about 2 years total now and I am worried that maybe I am setting her up for disappointment. I will try to keep this as short as possible.

About a year ago she had to try out for the 10u team that she had already been playing on for 6 months as they were "restructuring" the team. She was cut from the 10u team and the coach explained it was because he wanted to have her to start a new 8u team and she was still young enough to play 8u. Still not sure if that was just an excuse or not. The coach tried but the 8u team never took off, so because my daughter said she still wanted to play I took her to tryout for a different 10u team. She did not make that team as it was primarily '01 with some 00's. The coach said he was impressed with her and wanted to see us again in January tryouts when the 00's would be moving up. It was a positive experience for both me and my daughter.

At this point she was going to start rec so there was no urgency to find another team. Then we found out that a local team close to home was forming with primarily '02's, so we contacted them and they invited us to come out to the "workouts". That is where we are now. When it started they asked what position my daughter played and I told her primarily 2nd but she was taking pitching lessons and she played right field with the older travel team she was on prior. I explained that my daughter would play wherever she was told without any complaints. Now it seems like she is not getting any infield time at practices and at the last scrimmage she sat out two innings, played right field two innings and played 2nd once. Now that we are practicing for the second scrimmage she didn't get any infield practice. What do I tell my daughter when she asks me why she was one of the only ones who didn't get any infield time? My fear is that the coach doesn't think she is good enough even though "I" think she measures up to the other girls. I am starting to think that maybe i am one of "those" parents that thinks their kids is better than they really are. She has got a great glove, a good bat, but maybe not as quick on her feet as some would like---100% heart and work ethic is what I hear all the time. I got paranoid last night that maybe i was setting her up for disappointment when it comes to trying out for this team. I don't want to keep putting her out there to get rejected everytime. I am not saying that I force her to be there because it is completely her choice in the end and she loves the game.

I keep questioning whether I should reach out to the coach. I don't want to step on her toes and I don't want to put my daugther at a disadvantage because I am the parent that bothers the coach about playing time and stuff. From a coaches perspective how should a parent act in this type of situation? Should i ask the coach how she thinks my daughter is doing? What would you so if this was your daughter? Would you just leave it all alone? Am I thinking about it too much? I think at this point i am just trying to protect her somewhat.

Sorry for the lengthy post but i really wanted to put it all out there so you could see where i was coming from.

 

[jinjet95]

There is nothing wrong with asking a coach how your daughter is doing and what you can work on with her to help her improve. If the conversation moves well, you could mention that you've noticed she plays a lot of outfield and ask if that's where the coach sees her fit in. Hopefully, the coach will tell you why. Children develop at different paces. The kids that appeared to be stud players at 9-12 because they're bigger and stronger than others are frequently average players at 14 plus. My DD is not playing the same position at 15 that she did at 9, I doubt yours will either. As long as you do it respectfully and aren't constantly in the coach's face it's a worthwhile conversation. If the coach gives you suggestions, make sure you work on them with your DD. At this age, all kids should get both infield and outfield time as long as it's not a safety issue. Some kids don't pay attention at younger ages, so risk injury in the infield.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Teach her to hit. She will play every inning.

 

[Momo'sDad]

How many players will be on the new team? If she makes the team and there are only 10 players, then she'll probably get a lot of playing time and at-bats. If she makes the team and there 11 players and she's an outfielder, then she's going to be part of the outfield rotation where the better hitters will get the most playing time. If she makes the team and there are 12 or more players, then unless she's a starter, she's likely to see a lot of bench time. Those are the facts of life in 10u TB.

You should speak with the coach and find out what the intentions are for the roster, because in 10u, playing time is everything. A player can certainly earn her way into a starting position during the course of a season, but if you watch enough 10u and 12u softball, one of the trends you'll see is that coaches will pick their favorites early on and will keep them in the starting lineup.

Make sure it's a 2002 team, not a 2002 team with a few 2001s thrown in. A stud 2003 playing with this group would be ok for your situation, but if there are 2001s on the team, you can almost bet they'll be playing ahead of the 2002s.

Based on what you're saying, it sounds like your DD would really benefit from another couple seasons of rec play. My DD is also a 2002 and played on the all-star team, which was mainly 2000s, a few 2001s, and then DD. She started only 1 game and played only 8 total innings all summer. She's the best player in her year group, but when going up against 2000s or 2001s who are the best of THEIR year groups, she moves down in the pecking order. She plays competitive rec in fall, but will not be doing full-time TB until she's finished her time in 10u.

Listen to Amy. The best hitters on any team are the ones who are going to play the most and that's true at practically every level of softball.

CrazyDad makes a good point about leaving her on a team that she likes, but good coaching and playing time are critical things to consider as well. If there isn't enough playing time, YOU are not going to like the team, so find out now how many players coach is keeping.

 

[undergroundga]

No opinions her but a few observations.
My dd is an '02. She is playing on a 10u made up mostly of 01s and to add to that she the youngest on the team. This is her nd year tb with several seasons of rec. She has always played the infield. Mostly ss but also a lot of 3rd and 1st. This year she has played predominately in left field. At first she was disappointed a lil(she gets kinda bored), but after a few games and practices she(we) noticed that she plays 100% of the time, while others switch in and out. We do our best not to make comments about where dd should play. We leave that to her. (She really wants to pitch, but is relegated to letting the older girls go first).
After a few mos coach has made a few comments that some infeilders aren't working out, and how well dd plays. So I think it won't be long and she will be back in the infield. Which still won't please her till she gets a shot on the mound. She keeps asking me to coach a team so she can have a chance. she thinks only coaches kids get to pitch.(Idid not tell her that)
Now to my observation. Right field is a warm spot at 10u around here. Righ field and right center seems to be where most of the hits go. I think it's because of bat drag and girls swinging late(guess that's an opinion). At least that's the way it is in our area(So. IL not So. Cal).
I always thought left would be the hot spot and that weaker fielders played right. Maybe so when they get older, but my dd has had very few balls hit to her while right and center have been getting eaten up. Last tourney we played 12u and my dd had a bomb hit over her head for the first time, and I do mean it was a bomb. She said she was terrified, we all laughed. Other than that the only balls hit to left were ones the infield missed. So maybe right field isn't so bad.
Unless there is a major discrepency I don't think parents should talk to coaches about where their girls play. Let them and their play speak for them.

 

[sluggers]

I am starting to think that maybe i am one of "those" parents that thinks their kids is better than they really are.

Every parent is one of "those" parents. If you don't believe in your child, no one else will.

I don't want to keep putting her out there to get rejected everytime.

I understand where you are coming from, but what you are saying is that because *YOU* feel bad when your DD fails, you don't want her to put her into situations where she might fail. Is this about your fear or her fear?

Athletes fail all the time. The successful ones take the failure, learn from it, and try again. Learning how to deal with failure may be the single most important lesson taught by sports.

What do I tell my daughter when she asks me why she was one of the only ones who didn't get any infield time?

How about, "The coach doesn't think you are better than the other girls. How about practicing some more tonight?"

From a coaches perspective how should a parent act in this type of situation?

It is absolutely acceptable for you to ask the coach for an evaluation of your DD's ability. And, ask him how he sees your DD contributing to the team in the next year.

Am I thinking about it too much?

No...but you are thinking about the wrong things too much. What you ought to be thinking about is how to make her a better player. Study the game. Understand hitting, throwing and fielding, and then teach her *THE RIGHT WAY* to do all of those things.

There is a right way to field a ground ball, catch a fly, throw the ball, etc. If she does those things right, she will look very, very sharp.

You want her to play? *YOU* take it out of the coach's hands by making her so much better than every other kid on the team that the coach has to play her.

Simple.

 

[quincy]

This fall DD never left the IF for the first 5 or 6 games as the HC became more comfortable with the other players she started to see more and more OF time. This might be your case in reverse as the HC becomes more comfortable with your DD she will play in the IF more. Sounds like it is pretty early in the season.

You become “one of those parents” when you ask the HC every game or practice what your DD is doing or complaining all the time, either to the HC or other parents. I strongly encourage every parent to ask the HC occasional how their DD is doing and what she should be working on outside of practice. Nicely asking what she needs to work on to play 2nd more is a fair question to ask, just do not compare DD to other players in the conversation.

 

[3'sDad]

As the players get older, outfield becomes a very important position. The older stronger players hit very good pitching very hard, with many more fly balls and lines drives out onto the grass.

DD is a pitcher who plays outfield when not in the circle. After lots of practice with dad and her coaches, she tracks and runs don fly balls hit into the gaps and over her head. If a balls is hit to the fence, she will run it down and relat the ball to the cutoff with a strong throw. These skills have been refined over the past 3 years.

PS: Amy is spot on....if she hits, she plays.....this is at any and all levels.

Best of luck.

 

[Momo'sDad]

I understand the points but are we missing that the lack of infield time is happening in practice, if I have that correctly?

No youngster should have to prove themselves to participate in practice (or game/scrimmage warm ups for infield and outfield) at that age....

Welcome to competitive 10u.

Over the course of a full season, that time will be there, but right now, it sounds like they're trying to get game ready as quickly as possible, so players are getting work where they'll actually be playing in games.

Undergroundga, in 10u, the RF is my strongest outfielder, because it essentially gives us an additional infielder. A solid 10u team will record several 9-3 putouts. Parents really need to get over the mindset that the outfield isn't important, because it is in 10u and above.

 

[tdosal]

I areally appreciate all of the varying opinions and comments. It is so helpful to hear from people who can relate.

I do think that the outfield positions are just as important as the infields ones. I never let my dd think otherwise. She just happened to notice that as others would get a chance at the infield she did not. I did explain to her that she was going to have to show up and give 150% at practice to both make the team and play the infield if she really wanted to. That was when we had the discussion about the actual tryouts that were going to take place. She was under the impression that she had already made the team. When I heard the ping of disappointment in her voice that's when i started to get worried.

I think I may go the route of having my husband and I talk to the coach together just to get an idea as to how she thinks dd is doing and like someone suggested where she may fit in on the team. My husband is a littler calmer in these situations and I think it may be less aggressive coming from him Again I don't want to give my daughter a "black mark" just because I said or did something wrong.

And yes of course practicing with her outside of team practice is a given. She and i would both love it if the coach noticed her based on her skill and she earned the spot.
Wish me luck everyone!!!