Thinking about having my quit for a while...

[bpeck]

So here is the situation. . My daughter 10u says she loves to "play" softball, but I think she likes having the cool bag, uniform, etc, but she seems to not to put forth the effort.. we want to make sure she really likes to play, and we compliment her when doing good, but we shouldn't have to make her try hard every time.. she can be really good when she tries.. but effort is not there until we bring it out in her. So when we ask her maybe it's time to quit she cries and gets upset. We just want her to find something she likes to do.. she says softball is it, but without effort on her own, it just seems like maybe it's not for her. I know she is still very young. .. just wanted to hear some thoughts on the subject..

Thanks guys

 

[inde53546]

I feel your pain. My dd thinks because she is as good or better than the girls in her league she doesn't have to work. I told her two weeks ago I was done scheduling for her, when she wants to do something she can let me know. Haven't heard anything since . She is 11. It wouldn't upset me if she were devoting her time to something else, but that's not the case. I'm about ready to tee up her I pad to remind her what the tee is used for.

 

[Rocketech1]

Having read your earlier thread about how to light the fire, maybe she isn't ready to play travel ball and should play rec ball in the spring? I know it's hard to watch a talented kid not give 100% but its really up to the them how much effort they want to commit to the game. We parents can only do so much for them...the rest is in their hands.

 

[CoogansBluff]

I see it this way --

Our daughters' hobbies belong to them, not us. They get to decide what they want to make of their sports. There are certain parameters they must stay within in regard to sportsmanship and attitude, but one of them is not a mandate that they be driven to be the best at their hobby. When they decide they want to be really good at something, they'll give more effort. And if they don't, that's fine too. Especially if they're 10-years-old.

 

[MK37]

DD turned 13 in October and I've been dealing with much the same for two years. She says she wants to pitch and enjoys pitching, but unless I schedule it she won't bring it up. I've tried encouraging her to do little things on her own for 10-15 minutes, but nothing. I forget that in her world she has a lot going on, so I'm told.

I've come to the conclusion that I can't instill that burning desire to get better in either of my DD's. All I can do is remind them and show them that to be good at anything you have to work at it. And the success they experience on the softball field is because of all the time spent in practice. I do this by continuing to schedule practice for both pitching and hitting where we go to the park for 30-60 minutes. I don't coach either of them, just a bucket dad.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

If they are not playing ball or doing some activity - make certain that there is plenty of housework to do. There is no reason for you and your wife to do all the work, if DD is just chatting with friends. The new year is coming, so it is time to set some parameters. Throw in vacuum out the car and do her own laundry, too.

See if she would rather be playing softball, then.

 

[redhotcoach]

If she says she wants to play, let her play. Don't worry yourself too much if she is good or not, or if she is working hard or not. Sometimes girls are slow to blossom. Sometimes they get into a slump. Sometimes they aren't superstars. That dosen't mean they have to quit.

 

[redhotcoach]

DD turned 13 in October and I've been dealing with much the same for two years. She says she wants to pitch and enjoys pitching, but unless I schedule it she won't bring it up. I've tried encouraging her to do little things on her own for 10-15 minutes, but nothing. I forget that in her world she has a lot going on, so I'm told.

I've come to the conclusion that I can't instill that burning desire to get better in either of my DD's. All I can do is remind them and show them that to be good at anything you have to work at it. And the success they experience on the softball field is because of all the time spent in practice. I do this by continuing to schedule practice for both pitching and hitting where we go to the park for 30-60 minutes. I don't coach either of them, just a bucket dad.

My oldest is the same (almost 14). She loves hitting. Loves throwing. Loves conditioning. BUT she wouldn't do any of them if they were not scheduled. Her trainer is out of town and she had been working super hard with him, so I thought I would give her a break hitting (and to see if she does anything on her own). Yesterday she laid in bed watching netflix all day...and I think she is hoping to do the same today. Maybe it's the age, or a first born thing.

Now my 11 year old (the soccer girl) will go work out with a trainer, then come home and do an insanity dvd...everyday.

 

[FP26]

My story is very similar. DD just turned 14. She goes through cycles. Sometimes she wants to hit or pitch virtually every day. Sometimes she wants nothing to do with it. I spent way too much time trying to convince her to practice and finally realized that the decision is hers, not mine. I feel she has some potential and know that she will never reach that potential if she doesn't work at it. However, I also know she won't reach that potential if her heart is not in it and she is being forced. There are three things I do now that seem to help the situation.

1) I have her do other activities that may also help her softball skills. For example, she will go out in the driveway, throw a tennis ball on our roof, and wait for it to come down. I have seen her do this for an hour. She stands under the roof so she cannot see the ball until the last second. I have also offered her an idea for hitting. I give her a short broomstick and a racquetball. I tell her to drop the ball, have it bounce once, and see how far she can hit it.
2) She absolutely loves several girls on the TB team. She considers a few of them her best friends. We will arrange hitting and pitching practices in my garage so that the girls can spend time together. When there are several of them together, I have absolutely no problem convincing them to hit or pitch.
3) I let her dictate what we practice. I may say let's go to the field, what do you want to work on? She may say pitching, hitting, or just "hit fly balls to me". Whatever the case may be, if she is willing to do it, I am more than willing to spend the time with her.

 

[JAD]

Every kid is different, so how hard you "push" should be tailored to the player. I would also be careful about pushing too hard, especially at a young age. At 10 she needs to have fun and try a lot of different sports and activities to find the one that she enjoys.

My DD has been the #1 pitcher on her TB team since she was 10. I am not telling you this to brag, because we were BAD more years than we were good, but I could always use the "your team is counting on you" line to motivate my DD to practice and work hard to improve. When that didn't work, I went with, "your mother and I are not going to spend all this money on travel softball if you are going to half rear it"! LOL