The flute player

[The Man In Blue]

@Chris8 hit the nail on the head. In my rec days I (think I) saw it all, including a kid who we arranged transportation for because dad was a registered sex offender who literally could not bring his kid to the park. More often it was due to a single parent who couldn’t get the kid there because they were trying to make ends meet by working two jobs. Or it may just be you were the two-hour babysitter while they went to the bar ... and didn’t come back. Or they got a DUI while leaving the bar and can’t drive the kid to practice. (Yes, I have seen ALL of that and more.)

It isn’t the kid’s fault, and REC ball is RECREATIONAL. For many kids, this is the only few hours they get to escape a crappy home life. It may be the only few hours that they get to spend outdoors and socializing with kids their own age. It may be some of the only positive reinforcement they have with an adult or authority figure.

I know it is tough because you feel as if giving The Flute Player playing time is penalizing the kids who do show up, day in and day out. Technically, it may be. However, you are missing the point of rec if that is your philosophy.

Try reaching out to the parent again. Have a frank conversation: “I know you paid good money for her to play, is there an issue with getting her here? Not only does her team count on her, but so do the teams we play against. Without enough girls, we can’t play. Is there something we can do to help get her here? Kathy Karpo lives a few blocks over; maybe we can talk to her about giving The Flute Player rides?”

 

[CloudofDust]

LOL, thanks for the all the posts. I haven't seen the girl even once yet, but I will take my time to evaluate her properly (as I probably would have anyway). At the same time, it's not exactly fair to the other girls that have shown up to practices. And, as someone has already said, those other girls will definitely let her know how much practice she's already missed.

This is a rec team but it's a very competitive group of girls. We practice more like a select team than a rec team and plan to move to TB in spring 2021.

Oh, and RF? I could have just as easily said LF or catcher. It's not easy to hide your weak players but, in 8U rec, those positions usually get the least action and the OF positions can be compensated by having speed in LC and RC.

 

[CloudofDust]

@Chris8 hit the nail on the head. In my rec days I (think I) saw it all, including a kid who we arranged transportation for because dad was a registered send offender who literally could not bring his kid to the park. More often it was due to a single parent who couldn’t get the kid there because they were trying to make ends meet by working two jobs. Or it may just be you were the two-hour babysitter while they went to the bar ... and didn’t come back. Or they got a DUI while leaving the bar and can’t drive the kid to practice. (Yes, I have seen ALL of that and more.)

It isn’t the kid’s fault, and REC ball is RECREATIONAL. For many kids, this is the only few hours they get to escape a crappy home life. It may be the only few hours that they get to spend outdoors and socializing with kids their own age. It may be some of the only positive reinforcement they have with an adult or authority figure.

I know it is tough because you feel as if giving The Flute Player playing time is penalizing the kids who do show up, day in and day out. Technically, it may be. However, you are missing the point of rec if that is your philosophy.

Try reaching out to the parent again. Have a frank conversation: “I know you paid good money for her to play, is there an issue with getting her here? Not only does her team count on her, but so do the teams we play against. Without enough girls, we can’t play. Is there something we can do to help get her here? Kathy Karpo lives a few blocks over; maybe we can talk to her about giving The Flute Player rides?”

I won't go into a ton of details but I'm 99% certain that's not the case in this situation. It's just a parent that doesn't want to abide by the rules that everyone else does, according to some of the feedback I've received.

 

[The Man In Blue]

FLIP SIDE ... (not saying this is you) ...

I also had coaches who would deliberately NOT contact players they didn’t want.

I had coaches want to bench/cut players for attendance (I understand your frustration, but this is REC).

I had coaches who I had to badger into making actual phone calls. “I sent out an e-mail and posted it in the Twitter-book” does NOT cut it. Spam folders happen and not everybody is on social media. Heck, not everybody even checks their e-mail regularly.

As a coach, I would always spend the two days after getting my roster making phone calls. A few times I even went on knocked on doors when the phone number was bad.

 

[_MIA_]

@Chris8 hit the nail on the head. In my rec days I (think I) saw it all, including a kid who we arranged transportation for because dad was a registered send offender who literally could not bring his kid to the park. More often it was due to a single parent who couldn’t get the kid there because they were trying to make ends meet by working two jobs. Or it may just be you were the two-hour babysitter while they went to the bar ... and didn’t come back. Or they got a DUI while leaving the bar and can’t drive the kid to practice. (Yes, I have seen ALL of that and more.)

It isn’t the kid’s fault, and REC ball is RECREATIONAL. For many kids, this is the only few hours they get to escape a crappy home life. It may be the only few hours that they get to spend outdoors and socializing with kids their own age. It may be some of the only positive reinforcement they have with an adult or authority figure.

I know it is tough because you feel as if giving The Flute Player playing time is penalizing the kids who do show up, day in and day out. Technically, it may be. However, you are missing the point of rec if that is your philosophy.

Try reaching out to the parent again. Have a frank conversation: “I know you paid good money for her to play, is there an issue with getting her here? Not only does her team count on her, but so do the teams we play against. Without enough girls, we can’t play. Is there something we can do to help get her here? Kathy Karpo lives a few blocks over; maybe we can talk to her about giving The Flute Player rides?”

Your 1st paragraph makes me sad... I wish more people would remember that kids don't get to choose their parents.

 

[BradyC87]

Ok, that headline's a reference to the girl in the movie "All Stars" who finally showed up to a game after missing all of the preseason practices.

I have one of those on my 8U rec team. Parent ignored multiple emails and hundreds of groupme texts. In fact, the only confirmation I had that this person was real was when I sent a text to him to confirm jersey size and number choice weeks ago - then silence. I noticed, several days later, the phone number I texted was replaced with "unknown sender."

So, I had assumed they had changed their mind about playing. We've had 5 or 6 practices, ordered fan wear and committed to two tournaments outside of the rec season. Again, this parent never responded to anything. Yesterday, I got a text asking if I'd sent any "practice emails" because the parent hadn't received any emails or otherwise heard from me. I quickly replied that we'd already had 6 practices and asked the parent to confirm I had the correct contact info. The parent confirmed and said the emails had gone to his junk folder. I then asked about the groupme messages (again, there were literally hundreds of messages) and he confirmed he had received them.

Here's my dilemma - this parent seems completely disinterested and wants to participate only when it's convenient to him. He clearly lied about not knowing anything about practices. His DD is going to be batting last and playing all time RF when she's not sitting on the bench. I don't care if she's the best player on the team.

If you've been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear how you handled it. Remember, this is a rec team so, unfortunately, kicking them off the team isn't an option. Our league also has a "fair play" rule that requires me to bat the lineup and not sit any player out two consecutive innings or 3 innings in a game.

Even though it is a rec league there should be some sort of attendance policy. Signing up for a team sport is a commitment to the team no matter what age or competition level.

Even with playing time requirements the organization is only setting up its coaches for failure with no sort of attendance requirements.

 

[radness]

Well...unfortunetly these scenario's happen. That said,
If planning on having any structure to your team while you are the coach. Everyone will have to work through there individual issue's to fit in the structure.
Its tough, not trying to be a mean goat here, but the fall out from leniency will take its own toll.

Imo structure applys to everyone and will reflect back on the coach
Either positively or negatively.

*all the hypothetical thinking about not kids fault....well....that can go many different ways!
The end result could be
spoiled & entitlement, are a couple.

 

[_MIA_]

*all the hypothetical thinking about not kids fault....well....that can go many different ways!
The end result could be
spoiled & entitlement, are a couple.

Not blaming/faulting a kid when they screw up and not blaming/faulting a kid when the parents screw up are two entirely different things.

 

[flogzilla]

This ^^^^^^is spot on.

It may not be what you want to hear. It is REC. Little Susie is a member of the team, she didn't chose her parents. You may not know what "life" situation Susie is living either. There's a lot of "crazy" out there and out of a child's control. Her time, all be it limited attendance, could be the highlight of her week. I've had those kids and families...fortunately I knew enough of the back story to "Understand" what was happening. Fast Forward and one of those low attendance REC kids has managed through life and is playing in HS now. A huge accomplishment for her.

Little Susie is probably more than aware she's missing practices...and her teammates will for sure let her know. Some in a nice way, some in a not nice way...but Susie will know.

You may never know the POSITIVE impact you could have in a childs life.....

This.

I have helped my brother coach rec basketball the last 2 years. We don't claim to be good coaches but we know we have some kids with issues and those couple hours we spend with them each week may be the most positive thing they have going on. Praise the effort and ignore the mistakes. Try to give them a positive experience and hope they get something out of it.

 

[wheresmycar]

LIP SIDE ... (not saying this is you) ...

I also had coaches who would deliberately NOT contact players they didn’t want.

There is truth here... back in 8u coach pitch rec, one of the teams played every game with 7 players... but it was the "right" 7 every game. And they dominated. Sure they had disadvantage fielding, but the 7 that showed up could hit the ball hard, so they scored the limit every inning. Every other team with 11 or 12 playing had at least 4+ automatic outs in their line up.