So hard fitting in

[99&beyond]

My DD is on her 1st ever official TB team (2nd year 14U). We had never done the route of try outs, so all of this was new to us.

We found a really good team. Not good as in 1st place finish in all tourneys, but good in the sense that all of the girls have the passion and desire to play. It is sooooo nice to be on a team that the outfield can actually catch a ball and throw it back in.

DD has been struggling to fit in. She likes the girls, but 75% of the team all go to school together. None of them have been mean or rude, but she just doesn't share in the history. And I have the same thing in the stands, but we are getting there.

She hasn't been getting much playing time, especially not as catcher, which is what we tried out for. There are 2 other catchers and I would say all 3 of them are pretty equal. 1 has a good arm, 1 can move good and block, 1 is more aggressive, etc. (My DD USED to be all 3, but we are having confidence issues currently). But she has gotten quite a bit of play at 2nd. Her hitting is her downfall, and I just found her a new HC this week so hopefully we can turn that around.

We had a 5GG (single elim) tourney this weekend. She didn't play any of game 1 , got in to bat (struck out) and played 2nd at the very end of the 2nd game, was used to warm up the pitchers in the 3rd game. 4th game she gets in to catch but not bat. She's nervous, but gains her confidence as the game progresses. We had lost all the games so far, but we are doing good in this one and have a decent lead. After the warm up throws, preparing for the throwdown, pitcher throws one in the dirt and outside, DD moves and blocks, comes up for the throw but had overcompensated her turn. Pitcher had turned her back to the plate (but she was off to the side). DD pegs the pitcher in the back of the head with the ball. She drops. DD is now upset and blaming herself for another screw up. Team in kneeling. The coaches from the other team and the umps are coming up to DD and telling her it was an accident, it will be ok. After the pitcher walks off the field, and DD is returning to the plate, I call her over because I can see she is crying. I tell her she has got to pull herself together and finish the game. She gives me a small smile, wipes her tears, and puts her mask back on. Game finished as a tie. After the game, DD gave the pitcher a hug and told her sorry and we went home.
Back out for game 5 early morning, DD sits the whole game. We lost
After that last game, the HC (plus assts) have a talk with DD about the events from the night before. HC tells her he understands that it is hard to make friends and wants to make sure she addressed the issue directly with the pitcher and didn't run from it. One of the AC had told him the night before that she had seen DD over at the backstop laughing and joking with me while the rest of their teammates were kneeling. So he had asked her about that too and had told her that he asked his wife about it and she said, like DD did, that I was just trying to calm her down like any mother would. DD left the field in tears. She was really upset that anyone would think that she was that heartless.

After our game on Tuesday, DD gave the pitcher cupcakes, as a token of her apology. And explained that she didn't have time to do anything Saturday/Sunday since one game was late and the next was early.

Good grief this is hard stuff!! I haven't talked to the mom, should I apolgize to her? This isn't a case of bad manners or kids being mean to each other, it was an accident. But I still feel guilty that my child inflicted pain on hers.

 

[CoachKevin]

Wait, was the pitcher standing during the throwdown? If so that's problem #1. To be honest, we teach our catchers to throw, if our pitchers don't get out of the way... sorry

 

[Bugoozi]

Amen to that. Pitchers should know to duck or get out of the way of a throw down. Tell your dd that pitchers do have more of a job than just throwing the ball down the pipe. I am a pitchers dad. Sounds like it would have been a good throw. Don't let her get rattled.

 

[quincy]

Sorry but I am picturing the P being dropped by the C on the throw to 2nd. No one got hurt so I find it funny; I know it did not work out that way.

I would not have called DD over to settle her down, she knows where you are at if she needs you, let her decide if she needs you. There are a lot of dynamics going on age this age that I do not think we remember or understand. DD would not have given the P a cupcake, just apologized. That is DD’s personality, your DD needs to find her own. Neither is right or wrong.

It is hard to become part of an established group, it takes some time. Be patient and see how it works out.

Now the tricking part, you need to trust the HC. If your DD does not feel part of the Team mention it to the Manager. If he is smart he will ask an established player to get her more involved, downside is she might be more isolated than ever.

Good luck!

 

[iMlearning]

IMO it's best to stay away from the field as a parent unless they need you in a situation that involves a physical injury. A lot of times when you think it's helping, it makes it worse. I like some of the products at Peak Performance, that help with being a sports parent and with kids dealing with certain situations that come up in sports. ( I have no affiliation with them, I just like the info
When we joined our first travel team, we had a get-together at the house to help our DD bond with the girls. She is now on a different team, but remains very close to most of the girls on her old team.

 

[redhotcoach]

#1 don't appoligize! That almost sounds like you are embarrassed.
#2 Dd did plenty of appoligizing. My dd got drilled by a team mates practice swing last year, a week later she had forgotten all about it.
#3 Give it a little more time, don't try to hard to fit in. We have to restructure teams every year. They always start clicky, but after a few weeks of hours and hours together, they all grow pretty tight.

 

[softballphreak]

She'll be fine. It takes time; just as it does on a new job for adults.

She shouldn't be talking with the fans during the game. Parents are fans.

 

[Momo'sDad]

Yeah, unless your child is seriously injured, you belong in the stands where you can work on building relationships with the other parents...and cheer on the team.

If you're spending ANY time at the fence talking to your kid during games, that could be a reason she's getting so much bench time. Just a thought.

 

[Jr10234]

Shame on the coaches for one of them not checking the catcher and instead leaving her there feeling terrible, then getting on her without Hearing the facts. If his wife had already said you were trying to get her focused and calm, that was enough. I do exchange words with my DD during a game, but I provide zero coaching or strategy talk. The cupcake was a nice gesture, your DD has done her share and it wasn't her fault! O one should even give the incident more thought.

Rule 1-never turn your back on the ball.

 

[99&beyond]

I was sitting behind the plate at this game. I did this all the time when she first started to catch and I was only there this game because I was using a pole to block the sun from my eyes. I only called her over as she was heading back to the plate, which was in my direction. Other than that, I didn't talk to her. (This is the first real team that she has been on that I wasn't friends with the coaches.

I think the cupcakes went over well. The 2 girls were chatting in the dugout at tonight's game. DD thinks it might have helped to break the ice.

Thanks for all the advice. It's hard to remember back and realize the first few weeks are always like this on a new team.