Shielding young players from parent drama

[SoftSocDad]

DD is on a competitive team with all 10-year-olds. While most parents have at some point second-guessed strategy decisions in a relatively benign manner, a couple of parents have recently begun openly questioning lineup and positioning choices. They're mainly campaigning for their DD's which I understand, but I try to avoid the conversations altogether which can be a little tough when you have a bit of a relationship with the family.

I can handle it, though. My problem is when the 24-hour rule is violated and we're at a tournament and the kids haven't even cleared out yet. If a parent is frustrated and just can't take it anymore, and IF the coach is willing to listen to them at that time, I don't mind them having a conversation. What I don't want is a parent going after a coach while my DD and her teammates are still packing up their gear.

My daughter told me she felt very uncomfortable with the situation, but I told her to stay focused on her job and to ignore whatever the adults might be discussing. I also told her that under no circumstances is she to have any such conversations about what was overheard with her teammates.

I know the coach was in a tough spot, because I saw the start of the rant myself. I wasn't within earshot, but I saw how quickly the situation developed. I also know we have to choose what we complain about and what we let go, but is this a concern that should be brought to a coach? I don't manage other adults. I handle my business and like to do it in an appropriate and direct manner, but I don't feel comfortable bringing this up to the other parent.

What would DFP do?

 

[PGSAKen]

Ive cut parents before for such a code of conduct violation. It hurts initially but its always amazes me how much better the team plays immediatley after.

I know the girls feel the pressure before the parents and coaches do. They know when their parent is frustrated. usually when it gets to the stage u discussed theres no turning back. Its time to move forward for the good of the team not the individual who is likely to never change.

Ive cut starting pitchers and catcher btw and its always worked out for the better.

 

[SoftSocDad]

We're at that point in the season where many teams start experiencing increased parent drama, because the coaching decisions tend to start becoming based more on winning once you get to Memorial Day.

I wouldn't want any player to leave, but I know that each family has to make its own decisions for its own reasons. In bracket play, most teams are going to have their best nine bats in the lineup and if two players have similar averages, the one with the better glove is getting the call.

I don't see that as being unfair to anyone and parents who feel that way probably aren't a good fit for a team like this, even though their children may love being a part of a good program with good kids.

 

[Hit by the Pitch]

It surprises me the conversations parents, parents/coaches or coaches/coaches have in front of players, it is like they do not have ears. It has occasionally upset my DD.

DD’s HCs have always been approachable during or immediately after games, that does not mean it needs to be in front of the player(s).

HC can have a 24 rule, and enforce it, or not. I do not care. I would mention to the HC to try to keep the players out of ear shot if the parent has complainants/ suggestions though.

(Last year during a game the AC went ballistic at the HC, haven’t seen them or the player again)

Edit: Like you mentioned we are also at the point of our season were some rumblings are starting to occur. I am staying out of them, but DD has taken some sides and it is unfortunate she is getting sucked into some of this stuff. I understand your dilemma.

 

[SoftSocDad]

Yes, I know that disagreements and taking sides are a normal part of life, but I think that adult matters should be kept between adults, even though the subject might be the children.

Other than saying that my DD should have made a certain play or not swung at a bad pitch, I won't say anything that is negative about any player to another parent and even then I stay away from using superlatives. I might have opinions in my mind, but I don't think anything good could come out of expressing them.

 

[InsidePitch]

Thinking back over the last 3 years, it seems it was a handful of parents that took away from the softball experience for me. I have learned to spot them and try to avoid them now.

 

[CoogansBluff]

DD is on a competitive team with all 10-year-olds.

What does ''competitive'' mean? What level do you play? What are your team goals?

 

[SoftSocDad]

What does ''competitive'' mean? What level do you play? What are your team goals?

They play A ball so they play almost all the best tournaments which draw the top area teams. In terms of the team, their short-term goal is to qualify for ASA Nationals.

But even though they are a talented team overall and they play a tough schedule, not every player on the roster is an A-level player, IMHO.

Edited to add: The playing time is not even, but I don't think it's reasonable to expect that. Everyone usually gets 1-2 full games during pool play, and they get everyone in on Sundays but the starters are usually the same. They have an 11-player roster and only 4 girls played every inning this weekend.

 

[Coach-n-Dad]

The younger the team (at ANY level) the more pronounced the parent drama is. A good coach is going to pull a ranting parent aside for any discussion about the team. As the kids play at higher levels and ages, the parents learn to better control their ranting and try to keep it away from the players (mostly).

The only way to "shield" young players from these rants is to keep it away from them, physically. Do not kid yourself though, even a 9 year old knows what's going on and what parents are the "ranters".

 

[CoogansBluff]

Sounds like you're handling it well. If it's really bothering your daughter, it's appropriate to bring it up to the coach. If I were the head coach, I wouldn't mind that. ...

I've not been on an ASA-Nationals seeking team, but I would think parents on those kinds of teams at that age (10u) are liable to be pretty competitive, and concerned about playing time and such. On average. Not necessarily you. But as I said, I've not been in those dugouts or bleachers.