She just quits...

[BuckeyeGuy]

I'm lost. DD is 12, soon to be 13. She has good skills - not spectacular, but community select-type ability. The problem is she only exhibits it sporadically. Any time she makes a mistake she just shuts down. She stops trying, walks instead of hustling, just won't put any effort in. She did it again at a tryout today. This is not a new thing, and I've tried both positive and negative reinforcement with no results to speak of. She just quits. Then an hour later at home or wherever it's like it never happened. Yet when I suggest she's not having fun and that maybe she should stop playing she refuses to even consider it. I have no idea how to get her to forget the last play and move on with 100% effort.

Full disclosure: Ive been her coach for about 7 years now, and I freely admit that I'm sometimes tougher on her than I am the other girls. But I keep my expectations of each girl compartmentalized, and my coaching style doesn't change based on who I'm dealing with. She does this in other aspects of her life (that I'm not an instructor in) as well, so it's not just fastpitch - so I know the concern goes beyond the game, but this is where it becomes painfully evident and there are a lot of smart, experienced people here.

 

[maksoftball]

I have same child...my oldest son, who is 14 now. No advice...only commiseration. Will be watching this to see what others say...

 

[Shelbylynn]

I'm sure others have better advice, but at some point it will click that her attitude and actions will either be rewarded or penalized. The catcher on my DD's prior travel team, while a great kid, lacked technique and attitude. No hustle and was only there to play with friends. That was fine for the rec-style team atmosphere, but for 14U real TB tryouts she didn't make a single team. This girl would shut down at any advice and coaching.

I've also heard that 14U is where the serious kids separate from those that aren't serious. I've certainly found this to be true for my 13-year-old. There's been a big change in her attitude and seriousness in her play. Thank God because it's been frustrating.

The more serious players your DD is surrounded by, the better.

Good luck! It will get better if she wants it.

 

[quincy]

If DD does not give 100% she is not playing.

DW and I expect certain things from DD, other parents can do what they want.

Play or do not play, which she has done at a financial cost which was fine.

 

[Mom_Coach_Fan]

Is it time for her to have a different coach? My DD is 13 and I think I am reaching the limit of being an AC on her team. She has also had the same HC for about 4 years. She is a different player for her MS coach. That was my second clue. The first, she is 100% frustrated when I offer her any kind of coaching. I wish you be best of luck figuring it out.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Cannonball]

Ok, so I'm going to post a response here based upon a conversation I had with a ball player I coached in HS. He told me that when he played, he would do anything for me and felt that when he made an error that he had let me down and he could not shake it. In fact, he lived in fear of having another ball hit to him when he was going through that. I associate that comment with a sense of going over the edge of a drop off. If you can collect yourself and hang on, you might pull yourself out. However, if you have something else happen quickly after the first, it is over the cliff. In a sense, he cared too much and had not developed the coping skills to deal with failure. I don't know your dds but you might want to think about this. He told me when he went to college to play, he hated that coach and so, a mess up never bothered him.

 

[quincy]

Niece is the same age as DD, she is really good. DFP premier gold Team good. She sucks on a bad Team, on a good Team she is great.

 

[BuckeyeGuy]

Very likely time for a new coach. I won't be coaching next season except for school ball, so she'll have to put up with me this fall and if she makes the school team (no guarantee).

 

[quincy]

Hopefully you have somewhere to stay if you cut your DD.

 

[ignition]

Think it could be a case of dad sucking the fun out of the game or being more interested in it than she is? I've seen a few players bow out for those very reasons.