Problem with DD's coach

[obbay]

Last spring DD moved up from LL to Senior League (U16) and was picked 2nd round by her former coach who was the assistant coach for this team. The head coach had wanted to pick someone else, but her former coach assured him that DD wouldn't last to the next round. they wound up getting both girls anyway. the head coach is a popular guy and really loved this other girl and gave her opportunity after opportunity. He gave my DD opportunities too, but was much less forgiving.

So the season started and he lavished praise on his favorite and several other girls ( he had sentimental attachment to as he had coached their older sisters) but was short on Praise for DD and long on criticism. Many girls dropped routine balls and it was taken in stride. If DD dropped anything, good bad or otherwise she was screamed at. As the season went on, DD was relegated to playing whatever positions were left after he had everyone where he wanted them and sitting out more and more. Some of the older girls spoke up for DD and had him play her at 3B as they saw something in her that he didn't. As the season went on, DD lost her spark. She knew the coach had no confidence in her and so she believed he was right. She was still one of the best hitters on the team, but hit way down in the order. she seldom made it past 3B because no one behind her could hit. At the end of the season (playoffs) she struck out once and it was the 2nd time all season. He ripped her a new one for watching a 3rd strike go by. This is a girl who is an excellent two strike hitter. So for the rest of the season whenever she had two strikes she would strike out swinging and was then praised by the coach. All in all it was a miserable experience.

Now DD is Freshman in HS and is playing on the Freshman team. The freshman team has a new coach and guess who it is- Yep, the guy who taught her how to strike out! I had decided that I would give this guy a chance and forget all the past aggrivation and start over. Started out ok. As I posted in other places he had the team doing things I disagree with, but I can get past that.

They had their first game yesterday and it all came back to me. DD sits out 3 out of 6 innings and I realize that she is being played the same as the worst girl on the team (who is semi special needs). She did ok behind the plate the one inning she caught but otherwise, even at bat, she lacked luster. In other words she had earned her place at the bottom of the pecking order!! She was a better player 2 years ago than she is today! She seems to have forgotten how to play the game.

I realize this is only the first game, but it was shocking for me to see. (yes the coach's favorite is on the team and, as usual, did not sit out , went hitless at bat while contributing 2 errors at SS and 3B)

Any advice on how to deal with this?

I am seriously considering taking her off the team (let her play Sr League -same team, new coach) to stop the bleeding and just working with her on my own. I did not expect to have to do this at this age, but she is going down fast. she's not even hitting anymore. Before I do anything I am going to ask the varsity coach if she leaves the team, will it affect her ability to make the team next year.

 

[fastpitch]

Can't she just play both Seniors and school ball or even travel ball at the same time?

 

[sluggers]

Do I hear the sound of a helicopter in the background? Must be my imagination...

She has given her word that she will play on the team until the end of the season. So, IMHO, she has to ride this out until the end of the year. My experience has been that if she quits this team, it will negatively impact her ability to play on other HS teams.

You have a great opportunity to teach her how to handle these difficult situations. A**hole coaches, bosses, teachers, mailmen, co-workers, policemen, drivers...the list is endless. Everyone has learn to deal with them. Your DD is a freshman in HS. The time has come for her to learn about how an *ADULT* reacts in this situation.

The correct approach is to make your DD the best player on the team. This is a life lesson about people, situations and decisions. You and her need to figure out how to take lemons and make lemonade. Whining about it isn't going to help.

fastpitch: In many (perhaps most) states, a player cannot play on an organized team during the HS season.

 

[obbay]

Yep she can play on both teams-at least this year. Varsity I believe is a different story.

Do I hear the sound of a helicopter in the background? Must be my imagination...

Heh,heh,heh!- I'm trying not to be. I'm just gun shy after what happened last spring. My wife exacerbates the problem and tends to be pushing me toward the chopper.

The reason I was considering quitting the team was because it would stop the negative expectations and free up some time that I could work with her. Considering her games and practices are all after school, I guess that's not likely to free up time I don't have anyway.

We both ripped into her last night for being too complacent with her role as "worst player on the team". sitting on the bench, stuffing her face with candy.

Last night I decided I had had enough and she didn't need to play any more.
Today I'm thinking more along the lines of let her play and work with her when I can.

 

[Jojo]

obbay, I feel for you, I truly do. I went through a similar experience with my DD in high school ball. When my DD was in jr high, I was told she was already black balled for high school because she left the towns league and went to play travel ball. I thought this was crazy, who would black ball a kid that left to make herself a better ball player so she could help out the high school team? Uh yeah, the high school coach.

Sure enough as she entered as freshman, no doubt a top level pitcher she was promptly put on the freshman team and the other freshman pitcher put on JV.
She was humiliated. The freshman team is where all the girls that had never played ball before were. It was a mutual agreement between her and I that she would stick it out.

Her sophomore year she moved to JV and rode the bench. The coach pulled his JV pitcher and for some reason my DD up for a Varsity tournament. When they entered the losers bracket he put in my DD, they won, he kept her in and they took second, and my DD won best pitcher on the All Tournament Team.

By her JR year he was fired. With the new coach, she was finally on varsity and finally the starter. Her school went undefeated in district and deep into post season playoffs. She won numerous district awards including MVP of the county. Her coach was also named All County coach of the year.

The story is that some coaches will black ball players for personal reasons, They either don't care if the player will help the team or don't want to know that the player will help the team.
Ours was a semi happy ending (she injured out her senior year) but she stuck out and her talent was finally recognized. It could have turned out worse, her old coach my never had been fired, and she would have continued to ride the bench behind the other pitcher.

You have the choice to leave or stick it out. If you choose to stick it out, your DD needs to know that she still needs to be on the top of her game. She cannot make excuses for her performances because of the coach, she has to be great in spite of the coach. She needs to step up her workouts now!

 

[Coach JV]

This is a good argument for the vast difference between top and
bottom teams in HS divisions. Sometimes, that history teacher just
doesn't make a great SB coach. One of my friends' DD is currently
on a team that is 1-14. The 'W' by forfeit. They have a very good assistant coach,
but the head coach tries to micro-manage the game and as a result
they have lost 7 that were 2 runs or less. Some coaches are objective,
some need to be taken away by the SOFTBALL POLICE

 

[obbay]

Thanks, that's good advice. We will step it up !!
If it was happening to someone else, it would be easier to see what needs to be done.

 

[Coach-n-Dad]

Some coaches are objective,
some need to be taken away by the SOFTBALL POLICE

Do you have the number for these folks? LOL

 

[Coach JV]

The Softball Police must be busy, I personally have tried to summon them
via psychosis but have yet to see them.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

#1 thing, if DD is miserable, I would let her quit. I am thinking of her mental health.

But, you need to find out what the real problem is. There are coaches that will run a kid off, because they don't want to deal with the mom or dad that is out of control.

Now, if this adult male really ripped your kid a new one - that was the time to step in, not 6 months later.