Player Demeanor Issue

[quincy]

12U player gets to emotional, I am not sure if that is the right term. Throws their helmet or bat when they think they have a bad at bat, benched for the rest of the game when it happens and it has happened a couple times. Also has been benched a game for being out of control.

They are not going to hurt anyone but their behavior is unacceptable. Win a big game and the Team is celebrating they say I suck I struck out.

Out of my pay grade trying to figure the kid out, their parents do not know what to do either. They have been supportive in the disciplinary actions that have occurred but the Issue is not going away.

Looking for direction where to go. I think the player/ family needs some help, I would like to be able to tell them specifically how to get that help. Names/phone #s etc. I will do the leg work just not sure how to get the information and push them in the right direction.

 

[YOCOACH]

That's a tough one at that age. I had one just like it but after two warnings, I sat her for a game for throwing the helmet. She was fine after that. About the only thing I can suggest is a sports psychologist/psychiatrist. They not only help athletes deal with competition but with their perceived failures as well. Most large cities have at least one if not a couple around town. If not, have the family discuss it with their family doctor. Their doctor will usually have someone that they refer to and will be able to steer them further.

 

[Screwball]

I would tell the parents that she won't be able to play if it happens one more time. It is also larger than a sports issue.

As you have implied, if you get involved it means not good for you or your pay grade....

 

[Greenmonsters]

"One more time and you're done" obviously won't cut it. With the behavior continuing after the benching, it suggests that its time to involve a professional. As suggested above, the family's pediatrician should be able to recommend a trained professional to delve into the underlying issues. Cost might be a potential concern that may be covered by health care insurance.

 

[Screwball]

Yes, she goes after one more time and it does cut it for the team if you were making a pun. The coach is not friends, even with players never mind anything closer, and this is none of the coach's business except how it effects the functioning of the team.

Many coaches don't have time to develop players in just softball alone (as they state often here), expecting the player to work on her own, and a coach thinks he or she has time, expertise and risk possible liability to get involved in recommending or researching help for the psychological treatment of a player?

Right.

 

[SoftSocDad]

12U player gets to emotional, I am not sure if that is the right term. Throws their helmet or bat when they think they have a bad at bat, benched for the rest of the game when it happens and it has happened a couple times. Also has been benched a game for being out of control.

They are not going to hurt anyone but their behavior is unacceptable. Win a big game and the Team is celebrating they say I suck I struck out.

Out of my pay grade trying to figure the kid out, their parents do not know what to do either. They have been supportive in the disciplinary actions that have occurred but the Issue is not going away.

Looking for direction where to go. I think the player/ family needs some help, I would like to be able to tell them specifically how to get that help. Names/phone #s etc. I will do the leg work just not sure how to get the information and push them in the right direction.

I think it's very admirable that you want to go beyond the call of duty to help this young player and her family, but at the risk of sounding callous, it sounds to me as though you're seeking to get into an arena that is not your concern. Your job is to develop the player within the context of coaching your team. You can make a general suggestion to them regarding their DD, but avoid any specifics when it comes to pushing the parents towards addressing a player's mental health.

 

[chinamigarden]

Really folks. A 12 YO or younger girl who is acting immature and emotional needs to see a counselor?

You need to sit down with her when she is not in the midst of one of these episodes and have a chat with her. She wants to suceed, is that so bad, or is that a characteristic that would be better served if you could help her channel it. I would rather have this kid then one who could care less. People love the kid who could care less, she shows up, she is always smiling and she sits on the bench without a complaint. The one who demands more from herself is tougher to work with, but in the long run will be the better competitor.

 

[Sparky Guy]

Years ago I had a girl like this on one of my teams. We had a game where she struck out with the tying run on 3rd and two outs. She had a good at bat. The pitcher was better on that day. She was in the dugout crying and beating herself up. I took her to the side and asked what she is crying about? She was mad she struck out. I asked her if she could look her teammates in the eye and tell them she gave her absolute best effort? She said "Yeah." Then I told her to quit feeling sorry for herself. I told her I didn't need players on my team who felt sorry for themselves when they failed. I wanted players who were mad at themselves and wanted to work harder to keep it from happening again. I told her it was a game with a winner and loser. The next time she will be the winner and to stop crying about it. It wasn't worth it.

The next game she went 3 for 4 and scored the winning run on a delayed steal. I asked her if she felt like crying now? She said yeah... cuz she was happy.. Girls??? What'cha gunna do???? I never got another tear out of her the rest of the season and she had many more good games than bad.

Bottom line... The kids will take their lead from the coach. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to the team. But there does need to be a consistent message relayed to them from start to finish about expectations with issues addressed immediately. My girls know I demand 100% effort all time. The results usually take care of themselves most of the time.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Some kids do need to be medicated. I had a very good athlete coming to 8AM lessons, this summer. One morning, she was in LaLa land. Nothing worked. I was trying everything short of sending her home (I am a former 2nd grade teacher.) I finally sent her over to throw the ball against the wall and I spoke with the grandmother. Her grandmother told me that she got up late and her meds hadn't had time to kick in. She is 12. We moved the lessons to 8:30. Problem solved.

Also, I have had athletes, that by 5PM, there meds have worn off. Now, I don't see many kids like this, but when I do, it is obvious that they are on a different wave link.

Good luck and let us know what happens with your student. Some are just criers and some are perfectionists.

 

[Momo'sDad]

During the 2nd game of a doubleheader a few weeks ago, DD came back into the dugout on the verge of tears. She's tough, and was hiding behind her sunglasses, but I could see what was up. She'd gotten roughed up that inning and was mad at herself for feeling she'd let the team down. We were leading 15-6 and had the game in hand, but she didn't care. She had struck out 2 of the 1st 3 batters, and then a throwing error prevented the team from getting out of the inning with the runner stranded (2nd batter had doubled). She had also thrown more pitches than she was used to, because our 1st game starter got in trouble and DD had to pitch 2 relief innings for her. The mitigating circumstances didn't matter, though, she wanted to cry.

That's the way young kids are sometimes, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they need to be medicated just because their responses to certain situations may not be ideal or acceptable in our minds. A child saying "I suck because I struck out" isn't being deliberately disruptive and even though we coaches may not want to hear that sort of talk in the team setting, sometimes a child can benefit from being outspoken and honest about their feelings.

I have a player that I have counseled multiple times to remain positive. She doesn't throw things and she's never been disrespectful to me or a teammate, but she's very, very honest. Several months ago, we were down pretty big in a game and she said to the dugout, "We suck". I just gave her a disappointed look and said "Don't say that. We don't suck and this game is not over". I don't remember the outcome of that game, but I do remember that moment.

I'm not in your shoes, but it doesn't sound like the end of the world. You've got an emotional player who is probably seeking some attention.