I totally feel like with the help of this forum, I have made huge strides this past year or so when it comes to handling my DD's on field performances. I try not to get too high or too low. If I feel my mouth about to open wide enough to fit my foot, I move to the outfield. With my parental growth, my DD has shown much improvement on the field. This is where the latest bout of daddyjackass syndrome came in. So far this fall, she has played great. Hasn't lost a game. Back to back no hitters in tourny championships. Hitting much better than last summer. This past weekend she has faced her toughest competition in a while. To say she struggled would depend on who you talked to. She allowed 1 run in two games. Sounds good, right? She had a couple more walks than she has in the past. Wasn't very sharp on her spots. Struggled getting a change up over the plate. I think she was 2-12 batting this weekend with a couple walks. Team went 5-0, and she picked up 2 wins. I was totally irritated since her last game. Grumpy with the wife and kids. Yelling at the dogs. The friggin Eagles lost yesterday. I can't shake this mood. I really think it is because my DD was not as "on" as she has been all fall. I really think I have a case of daddyjackass syndrome. I think the only cure may be to get back out a sit on a bucket for couple hours the next few days. Ridiculous, right?
Parental Setback
- Thread starter joemcq51
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- Jun 18, 2010
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I too have improved my behavior toward my DD due in large part because of this forum and the therapy it offers. The things I always try to remember are
1. When DD plays and she does not do well, it is not because she does so deliberately. She is always trying. Does she try to strike out? No. Does she mean to give up a big hit? No. Some times these things happen, and this is when our DDs need our support and encouragement the most.
2. Who's approval do you think means the most to your DD? Probably yours. It is at these times when she may have not played her best, or had a bad tournament that she needs to know you are her biggest fan, her biggest supporter, and her rock she can come to for comfort and advice.
I have noticed in the last 8 months since I have been less critical and more supportive, that my DDs love for the game has really grown. Make sure you don't suck the fun out of it for her by being to critical or putting too much pressure on her. Right after the game, focus on the things she did right and bolster her confidence. Then later after emotions have subsided, and she is pitching and you are on the bucket, discuss ways to improve, ask her to critique her performance and work together on improving. BTW, don't be to hard on yourself either.
1. When DD plays and she does not do well, it is not because she does so deliberately. She is always trying. Does she try to strike out? No. Does she mean to give up a big hit? No. Some times these things happen, and this is when our DDs need our support and encouragement the most.
2. Who's approval do you think means the most to your DD? Probably yours. It is at these times when she may have not played her best, or had a bad tournament that she needs to know you are her biggest fan, her biggest supporter, and her rock she can come to for comfort and advice.
I have noticed in the last 8 months since I have been less critical and more supportive, that my DDs love for the game has really grown. Make sure you don't suck the fun out of it for her by being to critical or putting too much pressure on her. Right after the game, focus on the things she did right and bolster her confidence. Then later after emotions have subsided, and she is pitching and you are on the bucket, discuss ways to improve, ask her to critique her performance and work together on improving. BTW, don't be to hard on yourself either.
- Jun 18, 2010
- 2,615
- 38
BTW... it could be worse... just ask a Chiefs fan ;-(
Its a good thing you mentioned being an Eagle's fan, because now its all becoming clearer.
Don't forget, Softball is a team game. Your dd's team went 5-0 without her hitting at her best. Next time she will be smacking the ball and will pick up some of the girls who performed well this weekend. Thats what being on a team is all about.
Stay away from the bucket when you are in this sort of mood. Unless you're sitting in a corner. If you are in a snippy mood and start catching, if she isn't hitting her spots will you be yapping at her? If she is hitting her spots will you be saying, why didn't you pitch like this on Saturday...? If you can sit on the bucket and just let her work it out, well go for it. In that case it will do you both a lot of good.
Don't forget, Softball is a team game. Your dd's team went 5-0 without her hitting at her best. Next time she will be smacking the ball and will pick up some of the girls who performed well this weekend. Thats what being on a team is all about.
Stay away from the bucket when you are in this sort of mood. Unless you're sitting in a corner. If you are in a snippy mood and start catching, if she isn't hitting her spots will you be yapping at her? If she is hitting her spots will you be saying, why didn't you pitch like this on Saturday...? If you can sit on the bucket and just let her work it out, well go for it. In that case it will do you both a lot of good.
I agree that this forum has helped me to become a more resposible member of the softball community. It has also helped me see that there are many others that have same passion I have.
Just sounds to me like you had a rough weekend.
Just sounds to me like you had a rough weekend.
Anytime when softball takes over my head, I remind myself that things must be good at home. I know so many families with serious health issues, that softball problems would be welcome.
Joe, I think that you are saying that you need to send both your wife and your DD some flowers and apologize.
Joe, I think that you are saying that you need to send both your wife and your DD some flowers and apologize.
- Nov 29, 2009
- 2,974
- 83
Joe,
You have to realize she will not be on EVERY time she takes the field. Sometimes is not feeling well. Sometimes it's fighting with her BFF. Sometimes it's a boy. Some girls may have a rough cycle from time to time. Sometimes it just happens. There is nothing you can do about it. It's hard to watch when you know you've seen her better. The advice you've received thus far is pretty much spot on. You'll find as she gets older it's less and less about you and her as she makes the game hers. It sounds like you have a very competitive DD. Sit back and enjoy the ride.
The ABSOLUTE hardest thing to see is your DD dominate a team and lose. My DD had a couple of games like that in college. One game she had 14 K's, no BB and two hits. A seeing-eye single and a dinger. She made one mistake in the game and lost 1-0. Her teammates all had a collective melt down at the plate that game against a weak pitcher who happened to have one of her better games. Another game she lost 2-1 in 12 innings with 16 K's and no BB. She only gave up three hits. Two of them happened to be dingers to the same batter. In all the years she played it was the only time I ever saw her breakdown and cry after a game. She felt she let the team down.
You have to realize she will not be on EVERY time she takes the field. Sometimes is not feeling well. Sometimes it's fighting with her BFF. Sometimes it's a boy. Some girls may have a rough cycle from time to time. Sometimes it just happens. There is nothing you can do about it. It's hard to watch when you know you've seen her better. The advice you've received thus far is pretty much spot on. You'll find as she gets older it's less and less about you and her as she makes the game hers. It sounds like you have a very competitive DD. Sit back and enjoy the ride.
The ABSOLUTE hardest thing to see is your DD dominate a team and lose. My DD had a couple of games like that in college. One game she had 14 K's, no BB and two hits. A seeing-eye single and a dinger. She made one mistake in the game and lost 1-0. Her teammates all had a collective melt down at the plate that game against a weak pitcher who happened to have one of her better games. Another game she lost 2-1 in 12 innings with 16 K's and no BB. She only gave up three hits. Two of them happened to be dingers to the same batter. In all the years she played it was the only time I ever saw her breakdown and cry after a game. She felt she let the team down.
Joe,
We talk about life lessons for kids all the time, but this is a life lesson for you. It is time for *you* to start learning how to be the parent you want to be in 10 yeras after she leaves home and is on her own. Think about how you want that relationship to be, and then use pitching as a way to start remolding your relationship with her.
That is, in 10 years, if she is doing something that she needs help with, how are you going to give her that help? What would that conversation look like and sound like? Think of a conversation where she comes to you and says, "I'm going to buy a new car." Are you going to go ballistic on her? Or are you going to help her? Are you going to say, "Be intense! Have confidence!" or are you going to say, "Well, first thing is you have to do is figure out how much you want to spend, and then think about what kind of driving you intend to do."
What you should is make a mental list of what your DD did right and what she did wrong during every game. After you and her have calmed down after a game, and it might be the next day, then you go over the good stuff and the bad stuff with her. When you do this, you have to get out of "parenting mode" (i.e., "My way or the highway") and into the "wise adviser" role.
What is a wise adviser? Someone she knows has her best interests at heart, but realizes that she is the driver.
Make mental notes during the game about what went right and wrong. After the emotions of the game have gone, then go over the stuff with your DD. It might be the next day.
This has to be specifics, not "you weren't intense enough". What did she do well? (Always, always, always start with "I really liked the way you pitched when you ....") What *specifically* could she have done better? What was the reason she pitched poorly?
If you handle it like a wise adviser, you will be surprised what you might learn about the game and your DD.
We talk about life lessons for kids all the time, but this is a life lesson for you. It is time for *you* to start learning how to be the parent you want to be in 10 yeras after she leaves home and is on her own. Think about how you want that relationship to be, and then use pitching as a way to start remolding your relationship with her.
That is, in 10 years, if she is doing something that she needs help with, how are you going to give her that help? What would that conversation look like and sound like? Think of a conversation where she comes to you and says, "I'm going to buy a new car." Are you going to go ballistic on her? Or are you going to help her? Are you going to say, "Be intense! Have confidence!" or are you going to say, "Well, first thing is you have to do is figure out how much you want to spend, and then think about what kind of driving you intend to do."
What you should is make a mental list of what your DD did right and what she did wrong during every game. After you and her have calmed down after a game, and it might be the next day, then you go over the good stuff and the bad stuff with her. When you do this, you have to get out of "parenting mode" (i.e., "My way or the highway") and into the "wise adviser" role.
What is a wise adviser? Someone she knows has her best interests at heart, but realizes that she is the driver.
Make mental notes during the game about what went right and wrong. After the emotions of the game have gone, then go over the stuff with your DD. It might be the next day.
This has to be specifics, not "you weren't intense enough". What did she do well? (Always, always, always start with "I really liked the way you pitched when you ....") What *specifically* could she have done better? What was the reason she pitched poorly?
If you handle it like a wise adviser, you will be surprised what you might learn about the game and your DD.
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Greenmonsters
Wannabe Duck Boat Owner
For your DD, I think one of the biggest take aways from the experience is that your DD has proven that she can be effective and successful pitching even when she's not on the top of her game. And also that her team is strong enough to win even if she's not hitting great. Thought about this way, these can be significant revelations and sources of confidence for her in the future.
You, on the other hand, have received lots of good advice in prior posts on how to enjoy the ride as your DD transitions to living her life independently.
In retrospect, I'd say it was a better weekend than you initially thought!
.
You, on the other hand, have received lots of good advice in prior posts on how to enjoy the ride as your DD transitions to living her life independently.
In retrospect, I'd say it was a better weekend than you initially thought!
.
obbay
Banned
Excellent point! I always tell my girls if you didn't have a good game but the team still won, then THAT was the right time to have an off day! shake it off and forget about it.
some good advice in this thread.
