obsessed with softball?.......not me LOL

[pitchmom]

OK...here is kind of a fun thread, but sort of looking for advice too.

My family...sisters, mom, etc thinks that my hubby, me and DD are obsessed with softball. They aren't into it (or any sport) and they don't understand the softball way of life.

We play for a tournament team and will play tournaments this summer and then league play during the week (ususally 2 games per week). My daughter is also a pitcher, so we have our lesson and then practice for that.

From reading numerous posts on here, I know that everyone into softball is pretty much the same schedule as us.

Now, here is the big thing.....my hubby, me and especially my DD LOVES it. We love the game, the tournament life and the excitment. My DD hopes to pitch in college one day. I think what makes them think that we go overboard and are crazy is that, this past summer, we chose softball tournaments over a few family functions and was late to a couple more. We talked about it (me, huby and DD) and decided that we would rather attend the tournaments then be at the functions. (Nothing big...just kid bday parties and such....we would never miss weddings and the such). we did choose a tournament over the family reunion, but it is the side of the family that we see all the time, so it's not like we would have missed a long lost relative. (we did end up going tho cause tourney was rained out till next day)

I try to explain this to my family that we love it and it's DD's choice to play....but they just don't get it. They don't see how we can be involved in a sport so heavily. Keep in mind that they don't come to any of her games and don't really even support her.

So, here's the question. Has any of you ever run into people like this and, if so, how do you handle it. What do you tell them?

 

[amanda_cake]

This right here is my grandmother. She's never been to a single one of my games. She hates the idea of me getting dirty (she's an old, prim, proper, Southern lady). She can't stand the thought that I get hurt occasionally (okay, all the time... I'm a freaking ball magnet). She hates that we miss out on things because we're at practice. For the life of her, she can't remember which nights we have practice & blows up our phones looking for us.

How do I deal with her? I go to the ball field and take some BP to destress!

 

[Lozza]

So, here's the question. Has any of you ever run into people like this and, if so, how do you handle it. What do you tell them?

My paternal grandparents. My life up until I was 15 revolved around softball. My maternal family (and my father as well) have been involved in the sport long before I was born. My mother was a state softball player and my grandfather ran our assosciation until he retired. So Wed and Thur would be spent at training and we would be at the ground on Saturday from 7am in the morning till 7pm at night. (what you guys classify as rec softball is the most prevelant form here. Everyone plays every Saturday) Until daylight savings kicked in, we'd be there Sunday morning as well because that's when the men (my father and grandfather) played! Once I hit eight I would then have rep trainings and so on. My paternal grandparents didn't care and the first softball game they ever watched of mine was when I was 21. They didn't understand it and didn't want to understand it.

My response to them, when at 17 they said I played too much? My life, I'll do what makes me happy. Softball makes me happy.

I did try and do an Outward Bound style course once. As part of it we had to do a weekend away camping. Of course, every time one got scheduled I would have a rep carnival on. My teacher finally took me aside and told me that if I wanted to continue doing Duke of Ed, I would have to give up a weekend of softball. He then went on and told me that DoE would bring me better results in life. I laughed in his face and quit on the spot.

 

[amanda_cake]

Exactly, some people just don't understand. I'm only young once and right now I want to play ball. There will be time for all that other stuff later. Like, someone from a large group of friends told me the other day that I should get a job. I do have a job (I only work occasionally at the batting cage), however, I don't have time to find a job that requires me to work all the time. Someone tried to tell me that working is more important than softball... well, guess what? I have the rest of my freaking life to work. Right now, let's play ball!

 

[EP Dad]

This story happens all over. My parents don't get the softball thing, or even the kid activity thing. Kids are different now. When I was a kid we hung out in the neighborhood and go together to play ball (baseball, football, hockey, basketball, whatever). Nowadays kids are in these organized activities. They just don't hang, run around the neighborhood anymore.

I love that my DD's are in activities and I enjoy being at the activities. I'm driving to one activity or another almost every day of the week. It's going to be a rude awakening when they're in college and the house is empty.

 

[nanotech14]

In my family everyone played , my sisters ,my mother , and my dad was a coach . I played baseball , now my dd plays rec and travel ball. I don't have that issue . But I think we are all a family that are in this wonderful world of sotball. Yes we want to beat your team as well as you want to beat us. But we live it all year round and we understand what it is all about. We are one big family!!! from coast to coast. Now lets playball!!!!

 

[chinamigarden]

I once worked with a lady (we will call her Lori) whose son (Brett) had a semi serious medical issue that required him to quit his travel hockey team.
I said to Lori, wow that's too bad, I bet Brett is disappointed. No not really, he's been wanting to quit for 2 years now.
But Lori you are on the road every weekend, at practice at 6:00 AM twice a week. Plus you complain about the extra work you need to do to make enough money to pay everything. What do you mean Brett has wanted to quit for 2 years now.
Is he just now telling you this? Oh no its been a fight to get him to just about every practice.
But Lori why did you force him then? Because we are too involved to just quit. We love hanging out with the other parents and having a good time, the boys play well together and we enjoy it too much to let Brett quit. But now its what the doctor is forcing on us...

Every now and then (with this conversation in mind) I take stock in what we are doing. Is this keeping my kid from knowing her family? Is this more for me then her? Does she want to play in each and every tournament and miss family gatherings? I try to figure out these answers prior to committing for every sport, in every year. I constantly quiz her on her commitment and happiness. I get my answer from her and we move in that direction. Its for her, its not for me. But with that in mind, we still balance as much as we can. One year we had her birthday party on the Sunday of a tournament, we ended up with the whole family at the final game.

One other thing I remind myself. My daughter is only going to young once, but her grandparents aren't going to be around forever either. All 4 of mine died by the time I was 10. Do I look back and wish I could have played more baseball, or do I look back and wish I had known them better? You have to find a balance.

 

[starsnuffer]

It's common that people who are outside of a clique (in this case the softball/travelball clique) lack an understanding of what goes on inside.

You could have a family that takes their motorcycles out of the garage every weekend to go to a rally or a show. Another family might spend the weekend doing chores and shopping. Chances are that there is the same level of misunderstanding between any of those cliques.

What is important is that your whole immediate family must buy in to the lifestyle, or a great deal of stress is created. If dad and dd spend all their time playing softball at the chagrin of mom, you're going to have a very unhappy stressful environment, which is not a good environment in which to raise a child (which is more important then softball, IMHO).

It took a long time for my wife to understand, it even went as far as my daughter quitting softball to make mom happy. After a few months, mom saw that dd was not happy without softball and came around. It still isn't an ideal situation, but there is mutual understanding and no stress, so it works out. Mom still rarely goes to games and does not participate in the various taxi service to practices/lessons, but she accepts them and it works. I envy the families that pack up together, runts and all, and go to every single tournament together. Their runts may drive me crazy in the stands, but I still envy the cohesiveness and commitment.

In the end, you only have a few years to actually spend with your daughter before she's either off to school or wants nothing to do with you. Softball is one of the few activities that dad's can actually DO with their daughter (I can watch her dance, but I can always play catch with her). Enjoy the few short years and let your family know that they'll see you again soon enough.

Our parents (only my dad and my wife's dad remain, and she's been staying with her dad as he's terminally ill) are 3000 miles away, as with the majority of our family, so our situation may be a bit different, we don't have cousin's and aunts and nephews around the corner waiting for us to have a bbq with them.

-W

 

[Sparky Guy]

So, here's the question. Has any of you ever run into people like this and, if so, how do you handle it. What do you tell them?

Tell them your daughter could be doing the beauty pageant thing and then point them to Toddlers & Tiaras on TLC.

The best thing I found was to basically ignore the comments and not be drawn into the whole "family" thing "discussions." We were doing is what our family liked to do. After a while the extended family figured it out and quit making an issue out of it. You have to be committed to your own convictions to make it work.

My daughter missed a lot of social things to play ball by her own choice. The least we could do as parents was to back up that commitment.

 

[Coach JV]

When I was a kid, my dad coached and me and my brothers
all played LL baseball. Myself and one brother played thru HS.
Fast forward the clock to present day, I coach, both dd play rec,
oldest plays TB. The entire family enjoys tournaments including
my parents. We have a blast. My one brother who lives locally,
doesn't like it and never played beyond LL baseball. His kids,
do no sports because he didn't want to be bothered