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Needs to put in the work!!

Dec 28, 2019
3
3
How can I get my 12yr old daughter to practice? She recently moved to a higher level traveling team that she went from practicing 3 days a week to 1 day a week. She knew what the expectations of the new team would be and she wanted to move to be more challenged. Her former team she was one of the best players and now since she has moved teams she is just an average player. Shes a great catcher and 3rd baseman but I don't see the drive to get better or to put in the work. Before she could get by on talent but now she needs to put in the work. I pay a lot of money for her to play and I tell her I am not going to continue to my effort and time in if she cannot do the same. Any ideas or thoughts would be very helpful.
 
Mar 8, 2016
198
43
With dd we always had the talk before a season started about the expectations were for travel vs rec. In a sport she played travel ball, she was expected to put extra time in on her own outside of team activities. She readily agreed to that and luckily it always worked out that she did do the extra work. If she had a hitting lesson she knew she would have homework to do and had to do it before the next lesson. We work luck to finally find a hitting instructor that preferred less lessons and more work by the individual. She was always driven to be a better player and the older she got the more she wanted to work towards that goal. The best thing that ever happened to her was when a better hitter joined the team. It was fun to watch them push each other. There was a friendly competition for the homerun and average titles. DD is in college now on a roster with 8 outfielders including 2 all conference performers and an All-American at 1st base. She is excited about the challenge to try and earn playing time as a freshman.
During the journey there were times that I had to remind her about the responsibilities that came with playing travel ball. We just made sure we talked about what her goals were, play in college, play in HS, or play for fun. We would then talk about what her competition for those different goals were doing each week and what she needed to do to reach her goals. It was then up to her to decide.
 
Apr 28, 2014
1,963
113
A lot depends on the kid. Some girls feel pressure to practice as it comes from their coaches, others feel pressure after failure between the lines. At age 12 there are starting to become competing interests for her time as she gets older this will become even more intense, think job, social life etc. One good way to accomplish it all now would be to have her create a weekly practice schedule. Allow her to make it on her own and guide her. If she puts too much time on the calendar help her scale it back, if she puts too little time help her to understand how important practice is towards the goal of getting better. I used to tell DD its a ratio of 5:1. 5 hours of practice for every 1 hour of game time. Another suggestion is a book that I shared with DD and a few people on here. Book is titled "Chop Wood Carry Water". Check it out on Amazon, it's a great read for a 12 year old.
Good luck and remember just like life softball ebbs and flows.
 
Dec 28, 2019
3
3
With dd we always had the talk before a season started about the expectations were for travel vs rec. In a sport she played travel ball, she was expected to put extra time in on her own outside of team activities. She readily agreed to that and luckily it always worked out that she did do the extra work. If she had a hitting lesson she knew she would have homework to do and had to do it before the next lesson. We work luck to finally find a hitting instructor that preferred less lessons and more work by the individual. She was always driven to be a better player and the older she got the more she wanted to work towards that goal. The best thing that ever happened to her was when a better hitter joined the team. It was fun to watch them push each other. There was a friendly competition for the homerun and average titles. DD is in college now on a roster with 8 outfielders including 2 all conference performers and an All-American at 1st base. She is excited about the challenge to try and earn playing time as a freshman.
During the journey there were times that I had to remind her about the responsibilities that came with playing travel ball. We just made sure we talked about what her goals were, play in college, play in HS, or play for fun. We would then talk about what her competition for those different goals were doing each week and what she needed to do to reach her goals. It was then up to her to decide.
Thank you that gives me some great ideas on how to discuss these things with her. She is very talented and plays on premier level team which was really her goal. But now she has to work to stay on that team. She really would like to play in college. I like the idea of keep reminding her of what goal she is trying to achieve. Thank you for your help
 
Dec 28, 2019
3
3
A lot depends on the kid. Some girls feel pressure to practice as it comes from their coaches, others feel pressure after failure between the lines. At age 12 there are starting to become competing interests for her time as she gets older this will become even more intense, think job, social life etc. One good way to accomplish it all now would be to have her create a weekly practice schedule. Allow her to make it on her own and guide her. If she puts too much time on the calendar help her scale it back, if she puts too little time help her to understand how important practice is towards the goal of getting better. I used to tell DD its a ratio of 5:1. 5 hours of practice for every 1 hour of game time. Another suggestion is a book that I shared with DD and a few people on here. Book is titled "Chop Wood Carry Water". Check it out on Amazon, it's a great read for a 12 year old.
Good luck and remember just like life softball ebbs and flows.
Thank you! More great advice. I will for sure get the book. It's funny you say interests change she seems to get caught up on Tick Tock and video games a little more. I need to remind her of her goal. Again thanks for the feedback!
 
May 24, 2013
11,364
113
So Cal
At about the same age, my DD (now 16) wasn't really motivated to do extra work outside of team activities. It didn't help that we ended up battling with each other far too often when we were on the field together. The approach I took was to offer to work with her, and leave it up to her to take me up on it. There was a period of time where she wasn't doing much work at home. Her performance started to fade, and she got bumped down the batting order. I let her struggle. I reminded her that competing with with top-level players who work their butts off is going to take work on her part to keep pace, and skills like hitting need constant work. I pointed out the times when the extra work during the week paid off during weekend games. Eventually, the lightbulb turned on, and she got it. These days, she asks me to go to the park a lot more often than I suggest it.
 
Jun 26, 2019
72
18
One thing i did with my girls was have them set goals for the amount of practice time they chose to put in, then whatever that is, at tge end of the week let them choose the daus they practice. It has not been perfect but that did help. They set their own goals and took a little more ownership of it.
 
Mar 10, 2020
322
43
How can I get my 12yr old daughter to practice? She recently moved to a higher level traveling team that she went from practicing 3 days a week to 1 day a week. She knew what the expectations of the new team would be and she wanted to move to be more challenged. Her former team she was one of the best players and now since she has moved teams she is just an average player. Shes a great catcher and 3rd baseman but I don't see the drive to get better or to put in the work. Before she could get by on talent but now she needs to put in the work. I pay a lot of money for her to play and I tell her I am not going to continue to my effort and time in if she cannot do the same. Any ideas or thoughts would be very helpful.
Time will show her the error in her ways. Not so much at 12. But at 14 it will show and not be too late to work harder then. Time will tell.
 
Jun 6, 2016
1,204
83
Chicago
I know you're spending a lot of money, but if you make it seem like a chore, she's not going to want to do it.

You may need to wait until she starts to see some failure before she gets it. You say she's gotten by on talent before now. Give it time. She'll soon realize she needs to work harder to stay head (or keep up). Then she'll either be willing to do it or she won't, but I don't think you making her do it is the right idea.

I understand sometimes you have to make them. I'm not saying just let her be lazy at all times. But there's a difference between "hey, you have practice in an hour, let's go" and turning softball into boot camp.
 
May 11, 2018
54
18
i think every parent has this problem my DD was great at 12 now that she is 14 its getting a bit more challenging. the screen time app on her phone was one of the best things we did. basically if she does homework, chores and practices she earns extra phone time. it was not a big hit at first but she got used to it.
 

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