Need help with a question from a friend.

[Hoover's Dad]

I went through something similar to this in high school, we had a basketball coach for baseball, if you were on his basketball team, you stood a very good chance of starting on our baseball team. The first game of the year I had a horrible game catching, never sat foot on the field again that year as a starter until the State Championship Tourny because a guy was hurt. In that tourny I went 7 for 11 and was named State Tounament MVP. After the tournament the Coach asked me "where was this all year? I told him it was there the whole time, but he was to stupid to see it. As we were exiting the complex that day, I guy with a coaches shirt and note pad congratulated me, and basically said they would be contacting me. He was an assistant coach for the JUCO school that I played for the next two years.

My advice would be to not let the HS coach bother me, stick with a dang good TB team and advertise the heck out of myself if college softball was one of my goals. If she can play, the schools will find her!

 

[alexander58]

A coach should be willing to "own" any decision he makes, whether it's try outs or game strategy. When I hear they don't owe anyone an explanation for their decisions, I cringe. School coaches shouldn't hide behind the institution they work for anymore than a travel coach should hide behind "but I'm a volunteer".

 

[hrhubert76]

He said, She said, They said.
My take of advice is to put the team aside for one second and think about your family first. You should be talking to someone (possibly even an athletic director if not the coach) about his/her decision because your kid did not make the team, not because the coach was supposedly talking about his decisions. I would be very upfront with the coach and ask him specific questions like "What makes my child less qualified to be on this team than the others?" "What more could she have done to make a good impression upon you?" "What are your standards for players you are looking for?" "What will she need to work on in the future to be able to play for you" etc. etc.

Don't back down. If you dd is passionate about playing, everything will work out for the best. Without failure there would never be success...

 

[LadyCharger]

My personal opinion is that school ball is a waste of time.
When I played my sophomore year I made varsity and every night I came home from practice I cried because no matter how hard I tried they just demeaned and degraded me. I didn't even make it half way though the season before i quit the team. I'll never play high school ball again. (Softball is my #1 sport)
Ever since than I've questioned my ability to do anything, it messed my head up so badly.

 

[sluggers]

LadyCharger...I feel for you. Softball is a screwed up game. It gets better in college, because college coaches get fired if they don't win.

DD#1 and Suzy (not her real name) in HS were engaged in a real war over who would be the top pitcher. My DD#1 did win the top job as pitcher, and went on to play D1 softball at Ohio U. Suzy never played in college.

A few years later, DD#3 a freshman and Suzy's sister was a junior and the big dog pitcher on the HS team. Suzy's sister started saying that DD#1 did not play D1 softball because DD#1 was not on the roster for Ohio State University. Suzy's sister said that DD#1 wasn't a good pitcher, and never did anything. She basically called DD#3 a liar.

DD#3 came home crying about it, and I had to explain to DD#3 that there was an Ohio U and an Ohio State U. What a mess. More stuff like this went on, and DD#3 quit, but after the end of the season. Suzy's sister landed a D1 scholarship, lasted about 3 months, and quit college ball. DD#3 devoted her time to hoops instead of softball, and now has an NCAA Championship ring.

The only thing I can say is:

1) When knocked down six times, get up seven. If you attempt to do something difficult, you will fail before you succeed. You have to keep getting back up and trying again. Perhaps you've heard of Babe Ruth? He hit 714 home runs or so...but, he struck out 1300 times. If he quit when he failed, he never would have hit a home run.
2) "Illegitimi non carborundum" -- Don't let the b*stards get you down.

 

[PEPPERS]

Great advice Slugger, I was concerned this kid would get discouraged because of being cut. She requested to change schools and the parents moved her to a different school. Although she has to play B team she has thrown a perfect game made the all tournament last weekend and has played very well.
The new school is helping the parents apply for a hardship case so she can play varsity.

Ladycharger I hate you experienced what you did, as Slugger advised keep your head up and keeping moving forward.

 

[jamby]

My daughter just started 9th grade and last year was her first experience with HS ball. She played for the JV for a school with one of the worst teams in the district. I already see big problems coming with the coach and some of the parental involvement with the varsity team. The coach is pretty unimpressive and seems to be easily manipulated. She is the kind that seems to run away from problems and take the easy way out. We had a couple of girls on our JV team that should have been on varsity in my opinion but she knew if she put some other girls on the JV instead she'd have hell to pay with the parents. The slight definitely affected the morale of the few girls left off the varsity. And it didn't help that both the varsity team and the JV were getting pounded on a regular basis. I am going to take the approach that things are just not going to be done fairly or done in an objective manner and it is not going to be worth getting upset about. My daughter enjoys her rec and travel ball team so that is going to be good enough.

 

[bobbyb]

Lady Charger…I feel for you too. It is sad that a person or group felt it necessary to do that to you. Where was the coach?

I will tell you the same thing I would tell my dd.

When others “behaviors” ….are such that they are demeaning or degrading you …it is about them, not you. Never let how someone else acts (what they say or do)… effect your self confidence or how you perceive yourself. NEVER!

Nobody knows what you are capable of…this year, next year or anywhere in the future. ABSOLUTELY NOBODY!

Knowing that… you must understand this…there are a lot of people that would rather see you fail than succeed because then you would be more like them. There are a lot of people that want you to question yourself because they question themselves. There are a lot of people that make themselves feel better by making others feel less than. There are a lot of people that want to bring you down …so you are on their level. You will run across this…. at school, in sport, work, friendships etc…in every context of life you can think of.

Yet…You have CHOICE in how you act to a situation. You may not have all the resources at your age to know what those choices are…but they are there. That is where communicating with your parents, faculty, friends etc come in. Someone will know a way to help… to change the situation AND/OR give you choice on how you choose to act in regards to that kind of situation.

You can also LEARN from that experience. You may be learning how to be a leader…. by recognizing that when people demean others…you can give them encouragement. When people can’t stand up for themselves…you can stand up for them. When people don’t seem to have choices…you can help them find choices.

Its to bad you quit high school ball…sounds like they needed you for more than just softball…….the fact that you wouldn’t want others to experience that same thing……you could of possibly changed the environment of your high school softball program for the better…for future girls.

Remember…their sorry behaviors are about them…not you.

 

[changeupskill]

My personal opinion is that school ball is a waste of time.
I'll never play high school ball again. (Softball is my #1 sport)
Ever since than I've questioned my ability to do anything, it messed my head up so badly.

LadyCharger, I have to agree with you. I love school sports, but I do think HS softball it is a waste of time for the true stand out players that have a less than desirable team behind them. You get a whole team that is that way, and you have champions. My DD is a freshman, and we play Fall HS ball here in CO, and is not playing HS ball. Her HS doesn't have a team, and she would have to play for another HS, but chooses not to because of things just like you mentioned. Mainly its because she thinks it would distract from her current training for competitive ball. So many girls she knows, tells her they struggle with grades during softball, and that they are SO unhappy playing softball because of the third grade antics and politics they put up with. My DD is just now 14, pitcher and 3rd base, and is a top player on an 18A team. So, from saying that, you can get an idea that she is not just another player that would get picked on or put down because of the way she plays. BUT, she knows HS ball means almost nothing to college coaches, so she just doesn't put herself in that position to hate (or dislike) the sport she loves. She trains harder for the team / season that does catch college coaches eyes. You/she will still learn all the typical things girls will go through on any other team, but in the "competitive" setting, the girls, parents and coaches are more focused on training and winning. Not what people are going to say Monday at school. (I think thats a song in Grease) So, if you think it makes you a better person, and makes you a better player for staying away from all that crud, then you are doing the right thing by staying away from it. Don't shy away from it if you are a second string shortstop etc, work to be the first string. Keep it up.

 

[LadyCharger]

Lady Charger…I feel for you too. It is sad that a person or group felt it necessary to do that to you. Where was the coach?

I will tell you the same thing I would tell my dd.

When others “behaviors” ….are such that they are demeaning or degrading you …it is about them, not you. Never let how someone else acts (what they say or do)… effect your self confidence or how you perceive yourself. NEVER!

Nobody knows what you are capable of…this year, next year or anywhere in the future. ABSOLUTELY NOBODY!

Knowing that… you must understand this…there are a lot of people that would rather see you fail than succeed because then you would be more like them. There are a lot of people that want you to question yourself because they question themselves. There are a lot of people that make themselves feel better by making others feel less than. There are a lot of people that want to bring you down …so you are on their level. You will run across this…. at school, in sport, work, friendships etc…in every context of life you can think of.

Yet…You have CHOICE in how you act to a situation. You may not have all the resources at your age to know what those choices are…but they are there. That is where communicating with your parents, faculty, friends etc come in. Someone will know a way to help… to change the situation AND/OR give you choice on how you choose to act in regards to that kind of situation.

You can also LEARN from that experience. You may be learning how to be a leader…. by recognizing that when people demean others…you can give them encouragement. When people can’t stand up for themselves…you can stand up for them. When people don’t seem to have choices…you can help them find choices.

Its to bad you quit high school ball…sounds like they needed you for more than just softball…….the fact that you wouldn’t want others to experience that same thing……you could of possibly changed the environment of your high school softball program for the better…for future girls.

Remember…their sorry behaviors are about them…not you.

it was the coach that demeaned and degraded me and it was in front of everyone.