My DD is having a nervous breakdown over HS tryouts

[SoCalDad]

Last night my DD was in tears and near hysteria about this coming Monday's HS tryouts. It took my about 30 minutes to calm her down. When I asked her why she was so nervous about tryouts she replied, "Dad I have never had to tryout before!!!". It took me a few minutes but I finally realized what she meant. Even though she is a sophomore and almost 16 she has never been to a formal tryout for a rec team, all star team or travel ball team. I was her coach throughout rec and all stars and coaches DDs did not have to tryout. Her first travel ball team was a local team and the coach invited her to play for the team. Her next two travel teams were similar. As she grew as a player other teams would ask her to come play and the two teams she played for the past two years never had her formally try out. Last year as a freshman she twisted her ankle in a Sunday game the day before tryouts. Since she had played for the JV coach on her first travel team he had no issues with her not trying out. So the bottom line is Monday will be the first formal try out she will have.

All my efforts to calm her last night exasperated the issue. She can't explain why she is nervous and i am at a loss as how to help her? Any suggestions on how to get her calm and focused again?

 

[Sweet Lou]

Reassure her that if she was good enough to be picked up by several travel teams without trying out that HS tryouts will be a piece of cake by comparisson. Offers to play for travel teams don't genearlly just go to any warm body.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

Once she is there for 30 mins she will calm down. It's no different than a new job interview as an adult or a directors meeting pushing a new product or workforce policy. ( we all get a bit anxious )

It won't take her long to figure out she's probably in the top 5 as far as talent goes, and the team needs her more than she needs them.

She didn't tryout as a Freshman???

 

[7smom]

I always tell both my kids that being nervous is a good thing because it gets your adrenaline flowing. I tell them it is good as long as the nerves don't paralyze them. She will be fine- there may very well be some girls there that don't take it seriously enough. I'm sure the coach will appreciate her focus and effort if she takes that intensity into the tryouts.

 

[Sweet Lou]

I always tell both my kids that being nervous is a good thing because it gets your adrenaline flowing. I tell them it is good as long as the nerves don't paralyze them.

Or as I heard one coach who was leading a clinic a few weeks back. He tells his players "It's OK to have butterflies, that's normal. Just get them to fly in formation."

 

[jinjet95]

Or as I heard one coach who was leading a clinic a few weeks back. He tells his players "It's OK to have butterflies, that's normal. Just get them to fly in formation."

I have to remember that one. I've never heard it before, it's priceless.

 

[Goobie]

Let her know that it is OK to make a mistake at tryouts. If she bobbles a ball or makes a throwing error, the coaches will be looking to see how she handles it. Does she brush herself off and attack the next one fearlessly? Or does she crumble or pout and take herself mentally out of the tryout. Personally seeing how one reacts to an error is one of the biggest things I look for at tryouts.

DD's coach hits grounders very hard to the girls. He expects them to miss a few. He expects them to hustle, to dive, to try very hard. He also expects them to forget the mistakes and perform moving forward.

Also remind her of all the pressure situations she has faced in her life thus far (softball or not). Have there been big games where she performed well? Has she been to a college camp and performed with college coaches watching her? Has she had to get up and do a speech in front of the entire high school? More than likely there are many, many examples of when she has faced pressure and succeeded. If she doesn't let her mind take her out of it, her body will take over and she should do just fine.

 

[sluggers]

She can't explain why she is nervous and i am at a loss as how to help her?

As soon as you figure out why 16YOA girls do anything, please let me know.

Any suggestions on how to get her calm and focused again?

She is 16YOA...she is too old to be patted on the head and told her fears are ridiculous. Teach her how to deal with failure and the fear of failure.

(1) Discuss what failure is and what failure isn't. Allow her to talk about it, and let her tell you what her life will be if she fails. The bottom line is that the world will still turn whether she makes the team or not. But, this allows her to focus on what she really wants out of the sport, and why she wants to play softball. Don't say something like "Silly girl, you don't have to worry!" Listen to her and let her express herself.
(2) After you go through the process of letting her see what failure looks like then develop a plan to avoid failure. What can she do in the days leading up to the tryout to be in the best possible position to succeed? The day of the practice, what does she *specifically* need to do? At the tryout, what *specifically* does she need to do? Make this as concrete as possible. I.e., "I'm going to go to the batting cages for 60 minutes on Saturday and 60 minutes on Sunday. I'm going to take 100 groundballs on Saturday and Sunday. I'm going to get to the practice 15 minutes early." This is an interactive discussion with you and her making a plan.
(3) Implement the plan...don't just make a plan, actually follow through with the plan.

 

[DenaTyson-Slye]

Nerves are part of the game... Every college game all 4 years I would not be able to eat until after my first at bat (because of the butterflies) once she gets going she will be totally fine!! My husband was a D1 football player and he threw up before every game since he can remember. We all get a little nervous but something my dad always told me: Dena it's ok to be nervous but never be scared!

So tell her she has been playing this game for years... Just be her

 

[SoCalDad]

Interesting update and much more to the story. My wife picked up DD from school and they had a talk on the way home. On varsity there is a clear #1 pitcher, she is a senior and has a D1 scholarship. DD is intimated by this girl. The two of them were working with the pitching coach yesterday and my DD felt every pitch by the other girl was faster, had more movement, hit the spot better. In her own mind there was no way the coach would have her pitch over this girl. The other team members will think she isn't that good of a pitcher. This just kept building in her head to the point she had the breakdown. My wife seems to have calmed and I will share with her some of the comments in this thread. Thanks.