My Daughter will not make a team I coach.

[softballdad1]

Hello,

I am new to the site but have frequented and found this is a great source for info.

I coach my daughter's softball team and have committed to coach a 13/14 yr old All-Star team because no one wanted to coach it. After looking at the other teams rosters and watching the players play all season I realize that there is no room on the team for my daughter. I do not want to back out coaching the team because the league will be hard pressed to find someone and the person may not be very good. I hate the idea of having to tell my own daughter that her dad did not choose her. I may be able to add her to the roster as a fourth pitcher in an emergency situation but I do not want parents to think she is only on the team because she is my daughter. I know that she will be on the team next year.

Any feedback on what to do or how to break the news to my daughter?

 

[Hit by the Pitch]

Find a way to get her on the Team if she is even close to belonging and will not get hurt.

If any ACs committed I am a little less concerned about their DDs but you’re the HC and should have a lot of latitude having your DD on the Team.

 

[nanotech14]

I think she belongs on the team. You are taking your time to coach and time away from your dd to coach, she belongs on the team. You can look at play time and adjust that. Any parent that has a problem with it can coach the team. Sometimes you have to say screw the parents. Besides, the extra time practicing and working with better players, you might be surprised on how much your dd will improve. She may turn out being one of your better players. This is rec. right?

 

[Ade's Dad]

I would find a way to put her on the team or I would not coach the team.Simple as that. You don't have to play her.

 

[CoogansBluff]

... I do not want parents to think she is only on the team because she is my daughter.

This is a tough one, IMO. ...

It's hard to volunteer so much time to something that doesn't involve your daughter.

If you believe it is best that she not make the team, I'd just tell her that she's a first-year player and that others are more experienced and ready for it right now and that you'll coach it next year and want her on the team them. Or she can come to practice and help.

Or I might just be honest with the parents and say something like this:

''My daughter is one of the members of this all-star team. She is on the team because she is my daughter. I wanted everyone to know this up front. Your daughters need an all-star coach, and I am the only coach in our program that is willing to volunteer. I'm delighted to do it. However, please understand that I am not coaching this team in order that my daughter can be an all-star. I am coaching this team because your daughters need a coach. And I can justify this time commitment only if my daughter plays some role in it. I hope that everyone understands this decision.''

Or something like that.

 

[obbay]

If your DD isn't on your team that has to be a first!I agree that she belongs there if you both want her there.
The trouble I've had with all-star teams my DD belonged to was Coaches brnging their kid, one or two of their friends and their AC's kids.

Another problem was playing for coaches who didn't know her and had pre-conceived notions that other kids were better. so she got to watch lesser players play. In one of those games, she hit 3 doubles and was instrumental in winning a game that kept their playoff chances alive. The game was so good (and important on a slow news week) they put an article in the local paper and credited another player with everything DD did in that game. The paper even went so ar as to name that player the 'player of the week" and have a picture of her. That was one of those kids that the coach "knew" was a better player and so did the player, so when the newspaper credited her with a few extra hits, nobody noticed.

That was 6 years ago and I'm still pissed because that was the beginning of a long series of slights that she came to expect and eventually just gave up.

So the reason for my long rant is to tell you how refreshing it is that you are taking your position so seriously. your DD won't sink the team and anyone who squawks about the coach having his DD on the team can pound sand!

Actually, I just saw CBs post abovemine and what he says is very good.

 

[Sweet Lou]

Really? She can't be the last girl on the team? Like others I'd say, my DD is on the team or you can find another coach. You can tell your DD she's not likely to see much time in elimination round play but like others she'll see time in pool play.

How many girls are you taking? Is there really a huge drop off between the quality of the last girl on your team and your DD?

 

[Momo'sDad]

This is a tough one, IMO. ...

It's hard to volunteer so much time to something that doesn't involve your daughter.

If you believe it is best that she not make the team, I'd just tell her that she's a first-year player and that others are more experienced and ready for it right now and that you'll coach it next year and want her on the team them. Or she can come to practice and help.

Or I might just be honest with the parents and say something like this:

''My daughter is one of the members of this all-star team. She is on the team because she is my daughter. I wanted everyone to know this up front. Your daughters need an all-star coach, and I am the only coach in our program that is willing to volunteer. I'm delighted to do it. However, please understand that I am not coaching this team in order that my daughter can be an all-star. I am coaching this team because your daughters need a coach. And I can justify this time commitment only if my daughter plays some role in it. I hope that everyone understands this decision.''

Or something like that.

The only part I disagree with CoogansBluff on is that this is a tough one. This is an easy decision to make. You put your DD on that team, get her a uniform that fits, and make sure she's getting just as many practice reps as everyone else on the roster. Under your guidance, she'll be working several times a week with more advanced players and this will help her to improve her game, which is just about our most important duty as dads who also coach.

I applaud you for stepping up and giving up your personal time to ensure that the girls in your league will have the opportunity to play this summer, and the added bonus is that you are now in position to make sure your DD will have that opportunity as well.

 

[softballdad1]

Thanks for the feedback. this is for Rec league. I am not one of those parents who began coaching just so my DD can start. I spend hours each week working with her to improve during practice with team and solo. I also do not want to back out from the team since I am highly involved in the program and will be a board member in fall.

My concern was that there are going to be girls some of whom are on my team during the season that could play but will be left off. because of girls who are older and better at specific positions. I will have her on the team and use her when I can. She will not hurt the team.

Again, Thanks for the feedback.

 

[David Carter]

I was in exactly the same boat, everyone wanted me to coach the All Star team but I know my DD is just not going to make the cut, I simply told them I am not investing the time and money if my DD is not going to play and I am not going to put her on the team just because I am coach. Our situation was different in that we had someone else volunteer who is a good coach with a good kid that will easily make the team. Honestly not sure what I would have done but coaching the team while my kid watched me and her teammates from the season on the field would not be an option; she would have not be an anchor and could have contributed so I would not have felt terrible if she was the last alternate picked.