Looking for Advice on issue with parent.

[townhound]

I coach a 10u travel team. We keep a short roster, unintentionally as there are so many teams in the area that it seems more teams than players. I know this is being discussed in another thread but here it is. As far as playing as a guest player, we dont have a problem with it as long as it doesnt interfere. This coming weekend we will be traveling 2 hours and 15 minutes to a tournament. There is one closer but we are struggling at this point and this is a better tournament for us with comparable competition. I have a parent that says she cannot travel that far. So in order to have a sub, I had to find a guest. In the meantime, this Parent picks up with another team at the other tournament. She doesnt see anything wrong with it because i found someone to fill her spot. I find everything wrong with it. It would be my thought that if you cant travel that far with your team, you shouldnt be picking up with another. They have been offered a ride, a place to stay since it is a 2 day, and yet still wont go. The other tournament is about an hour away. So, coaches, advice?
On a side problem is uniforms, we fundraised for uniforms. We made enough to get one set for everyone with no extras. I asked the parent that wont be there to borrow theirs for the pick up, that i would take care of it, and return it to them. Nope, she will not let the team borrow it. It does have her name on the back. Advice? Am i asking to much?
At this point I havent addressed it, mainly because I dont want to allow my frustration to spill into the coming conversation. However, I did tell her that i think its wrong to be playing with another team when yours is, and that I feel the other coaches and parents will feel the same. At this point i am wondering if its time to let her go and find another team.

 

[Little Angels Softball]

At this point, she is purposely choosing to not play for you in a tournament when there are no legitimate conflicts. Adding insult to injury, she is playing for someone else, further proving the point.

In my book, that's immediate dismissal. No questions answered or explanations given.

 

[Sweet Lou]

Wow talk about entitled parent. they are having their DD guest play on weekend you had a pre-scheduled tournament and they won't even lend their DD's uni that the team provided?

I'd be looking to replace her.

 

[coachjwb]

I'd generally agree, but I guess one question ... when you put the team together, was it discussed that you might be playing in some tournaments that are "further away"? 2 hours and 15 minutes is certainly reasonable for most travel teams, but I do know teams that play in all local tourneys and families choose those teams to stay close to home. Regardless, I'd like to think they'd let the team use the uni for the weekend.

 

[Momo'sDad]

When teams are being formed, it's the responsibility of the coach to give parents a pretty solid idea of what they can expect in terms of schedule and fees. This includes telling them how much travel is anticipated. If a family doesn't wish to travel for whatever reason, that should be communicated at the time an offer is extended. "Hey Coach, we appreciate the offer, but won't be able to participate in tournaments X, Y, and Z because of the travel requirement. Is that acceptable to you?" Then everyone's on the same page.

I can't make her share her uniform, but as you have outlined this situation, I could not keep that player. Fundamentally, I do not have a problem with a 10u player picking up with other teams when her team is off, but to guest play when her team is playing is not something I could accept as a part of our program.

 

[coach james]

I'm betting they're new to travel and not real keen on the distances we sometimes have to go. She needs cut and you need to always have a spare set of uniforms on hand. I typically order 3 extra jerseys with no names and random #'s when ever we place a uniform order to prevent this kind of thing. Most companies will throw in a freebie or two if your order is big enough.

 

[riseball]

This is pretty common at 10U as folks make the jump from rec-ball and LL into Travel Ball. We have an 18U showcase team that has been around for the better part of a decade. We keep a couple of spare sets of uniforms in case we decide to pick up a guest. At the beginning of each season we publish the schedule and everyone must buy in. If there is a conflict we address it then and there. I get it that people have vacations and such. And as long as we know about it in advance we work around it. We explain to our parents that we cannot function at a high level without commitment. Then going forward everyone pays 10% of each tournament as part of their monthly payment. If you are not at an event whatever reason we use your fees to pay for a guest player if needed to take your place. The only time you do not pay is if you are hurt or there is a family emergency. Some have had a hard time understanding that Aunt Wilma coming in to visit from Scranton or family time at the beach did not constitute a family emergency but they eventually figured it out. And just like in the real world if we can't count on you or if you fail to produce results we will bring someone in that will. Sounds like the parent in the OP simply does not get it and probably never will. Maybe give them the benefit of the doubt and have 1 conversation to educate them and the next time be done with them. It is not fair to those that are committed to the team to be affected by those who are not.

 

[CoachKevin]

I agree with most, picking up with another team IF we are not playing is great with me... but this situation??? NOPE - Bye Bye

 

[WARRIORMIKE]

Maybe this team is not the right fit for you. Good luck to you and your DD and thank you for playing for me.....

 

[sleepwalker]

Just another tough day in the world of coaching. I don't envy you or the position that this parent has put you in as a coach. The question I see at hand is, "Do you penalize a 10yr old child because of the actions of a parent?"

There have been many tournaments that I have driven to that were 2, 3 and 4 hours away, where I, as a coach, was on the losing end of a conversation with a mother who wasn't bringing her dd to the tournament because she was taking her camping, going to a MLB game, staying at home because company had unexpectedly arrived that weekend and many more excuses. Usually, the phone calls came when I was travelling to the tournament where I didn't have a chance to get a pickup player. Luckily for my teams, I had always had a younger sister who would make themselves available, stand in the outfield and get the automatic out, when being overpowered by the travel ball pitching.

My opinion on the OP would be that this is a question of CHOICE. I would sit down with the parent and daughter prior to this weekend's tournament(ASAP) and let them know that playing with another team when your team is playing is unacceptable. As a coach, I wouldn't approve of this behavior from any team member. I would let her know of the aforementioned accomadations in the OP that could be made so that her dd could attend the tournament with her TB team. Then I would give the mother a CHOICE that would affect the mother's and dd's affiliation with your TB team for the remainder of the year. That CHOICE would be whatever you want, but for me it would be something like, "You can choose to let your dd play for another team while her TB team is playing at another tournament, and that choice will result in your dd not being allowed to practice or play with her current TB team for the remainder of the year." "You can choose to send her to the tournament with her team or choose to keep her home for the weekend and think about what your dd's TB team affiliation will be for the remainder of the year will be." Then I would end with something like, "As a mother, you have to do what is best for your dd." "As a coach, I have to do what is best for my team." "Please, discuss this decision carefully, and let me know what your CHOICE is by _____ date."

Just my .02 cents.