"Liking the coach" and performance

[PAcoach]

I agree. I think you'll get better performance out of today's players if they like you as well as respect you. But that's still a broad spectrum. Being liked doesn't necessarily mean they'll invite you to their birthday party or graduation. But it does mean they trust you and know you have their best interests at heart.
There's an old coaching saying: Before your players care how much you know, they first must know how much you care. I truly believe that to be the case.

And to me that is very important. Not only do the players have to trust the coach, so do the parents. Once they know you have their best interests a lot of good things can happen.

A couple years ago a mother called and ask me to help her daughter. i know her she was a couple years older then my DD. I never coached her in town ball, but had seen her play, she wasn't that good and she wasn't a good student either.At the time the girl was in 7th grade and her goal was to play on our HS team and had no father ( or one who didn't care) to help her. So, for 2 years, when my daughter and i worked out, she came along. i started taking her to my TB practice, at 1st it was rough, but she slowly got better. long story short, she made the JV team as a Freshman, she is now in her senior year and this will be her 3rd year as a varsity player, she is also now an honor student in the honor society Below is what she sent me in a card after making the team..

Coach, without you, not sure where i'd be. I read the below and it made me think of you..

“The majority of us lead quiet, unheralded lives as we pass through this world. There will most likely be no ticker tape parades for us, no monuments created in our honor. But that does not lessen our possible impact, for there are scores of people waiting for someone just like us to come along; people who will appreciate our compassion, our unique talents. Someone who will live a happier life merely because we took the time to share what we had to give. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Its overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities there are to make our love felt”

 

[coachbudk]

The op mentioned college ball.

At that level it is more business, so things change quite a bit.

It is possible to have a head coach with more distance from the players and have assistants they like.

 

[SoftSocDad]

I think you'll get better performance out of today's players if they like you as well as respect you.

And that right there is why this county is failing.

Parents and coaches are no longer in charge of their homes or teams, because coddling has replaced discipline.

 

[Ken Krause]

I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. My children like me, and I was pretty tough on them as far as discipline goes. My players know not to goof around, or exhibit negative behavior. Their actions have consequences. But because I treat them with respect instead of being a jerk about it they like me for it. Maybe not always at first, but they come to see the wisdom of it.

I agree the country is soft and coddles its kids too much. But I don't think you have to be that way to have your players like you. Sometimes they like you more when you're tough on them, because deep down they want the discipline. All kids want boundaries.

 

[coachls]

I have 2 assistants and 2 others who help out at practice and in pre-game, and its very obvious that the kids(at least at my age level-12u) respond better to the coaches they like, as opposed to the opposite. We are after all dealing with young ladies...

 

[heybatter]

Positivity

I had coaches that I liked, hated, and respected during my playing days. I always played better for the coaches I liked and respected. Could never play for someone who yelled or used negativity as a motivational tool.

I now coach a u15 travel softball team. I try to always stay positive. I also do player evaluations, where I grade and comment on the players skills, technique, attitude, sportsmanship and a few other topics. All my comments are positive and helpful to their progression. I suggest that all serious coaches think about doing player evals. If you are interested, here are some tips on how to do a player evaluation.

 

[Sparky Guy]

Umm, positive is good, but you're not doing anybody long-term favors by not identifying weaknesses so that they can be focused on and improved? "Nice effort" and "always early for practice" doesn't help fix a faulty swing, throw etc.

IJS - GM

What I found that works for me is honesty with the kids. If it was a poor effort I tell them so without trying to "soften" it. I don't degrade them. I tell them what I expect from them because I know they are capable of working at a higher level. Then I let it go.

If they are doing something wrong I stop them and them exactly what they are doing wrong and how to correct it. No sweeties or honnies from this old curmudgeon of a coach.

When they do something right that we're working on I will stop them and point it out to the whole team telling them this the way to do it. I'll give the player a "good job, now get back in line." and move on to the next one. When they keep do something correctly I will give them a brief affirmation and quickly move on the next one until all of them doing it correctly. Once I have them all doing the drill correctly I'll end it after a while with a "great job ladies" and move on to the next thing.

 

[mcopeland]

Coach's Dilemma - Solved!

We have an interesting discussion about whether a player has to "like" the coach to play well.

My DDs would say that liking the coach had nothing to do with their performance. Their college coaches knew how to win and had a clear vision of what it took to win. Their coaches also knew how to teach and did increase my DDs' performances in the sports. My DDs respected their coaches' knowledge of the game and their commitment to win.

BUT, my DDs didn't particularly like their college coaches. My DDs were regularly insulted and challenged by their coaches. The coaches were always pushing them for "more better".

Prior to college, generally the nicer the coach, the worse the team. One of my DD's high school coaches was a great person, and is still a friend of the family. But, as a coach, he was clueless.

Comments?

I have struggled with this as a coach. I've been coaching for a while now, but Fall 2009 was my first year coaching at the High School level. I assumed that I could continue "Positive Coaching" like I've always practiced. Man, was I a fish out of water! I coached little girls prior to this, so leaping into coaching teenage girls was intimidating. Given that I felt insecure, and feeling that I was being too nice, I changed my style to someone meaner. Ultimately this tactic backfired on me because, by nature, I'm not mean. My girls didn't enjoy the season, which ended 5-11.

Over the winter months, I dove head first into Marc's websites (and others) to figure out where I went wrong. Every bit of my studies and self-reflection was meaningful, but once I filtered through it all, I realized that all I needed to be was myself.

I'm pleased to say that this season, with "Positive Coaching" restored, my team was very successful, everyone enjoyed every bit of it, and, in the end, they awarded me by calling me the "Best Coach Ever."

So what it boils down to is it doesn't matter what age level you coach, just be yourself, think of the girls first, drill them hard, teach the fundamentals and all will be well. We ended the season 8-8, which is quite remarkable given our competition.

 

[Ken Krause]

Right on, Mcopeland. The single most important thing in coaching, regardless of gender or age level, is to be yourself. Kids can smell a phony a mile away, and they will neither respond to nor respect one. But if you are genuine, you at least have a shot at making the connection.

 

[quincy]

Personally I try to talk to individual players when I ask them to do something different, no one else on the Team hears it. Somehow a look is good enough if things are not going the way I would like; I get a slight node of their head saying they understand.

Coach on my DD’s Team this fall had one of those voices that people can hear a mile away. His approach was to yell at the girls and the team in general. He also threatens the girls to perform, nothing bad. I call him the “loud guy”, my DD calls him Jenny’s father. My DD likes him, I like him too.

2 total different personalities, both are effective but you need to be you.

I could try to move to his approach, he could move to my approach but the girls would know it immediately. They are scary sensitive to people’s attitudes. We both need to be ourselves.