Letting go

[RetiredCoach]

With a recent altercation with my 14 year old DD over the weekend, I am beginning to wonder if it's time for me to let someone else coach her. I have really loved playing softball with my DDs. It is going to be hard to let go.

 

[guero_gordo]

Trust me, that's my opinion too. It is unfortunately normal for 11 year olds coming out of 5th grade. My DW won't let me physically threaten 11 year old boys so there isn't a lot that I can do.

I never physically threaten the 16yo boys either. That does not mean they don't feel threatened.

 

[RetiredCoach]

I never physically threaten the 16yo boys either. That does not mean they don't feel threatened.

So, what do you do? Clean your shotguns? Sharpen your knives?

 

[marriard]

There are a lot of Daddies on here who coach 12U ball. I respect that, and I understand.

At some point, probably around 16U, you have to stop coaching them.
.

These are very good reasons, but I am going to go the other way...

There is NO REASON to stop coaching your DD UNLESS you are turning her over to a better coach than you are or you are threatening your relationship with her because one of you is not dealing with it well.

Do not do it until you are ABSOLUTELY sure you are passing her off to the right person for her development. And don't hesitate to step back in if it becomes necessary.

She can play for 'someone else' on her High School Team or in her secondary sports. She can guest play for others to experience other coaches. There are plenty of opportunities to 'not play for you' while still playing for you.


My DD has played for others which went well sometimes and not so well other times. Currently I am the AC on her team with a HC who has the experience of taking girls from 14U through college. Our philosophies are very similar and he has roughly the same level of coaching experience as I do. It is a good match for where she and her team is. Very lucky at this very moment...

 

[RetiredCoach]

These are very good reasons, but I am going to go the other way...

There is NO REASON to stop coaching your DD UNLESS you are turning her over to a better coach than you are or you are threatening your relationship with her because one of you is not dealing with it well.

Do not do it until you are ABSOLUTELY sure you are passing her off to the right person for her development. And don't hesitate to step back in if it becomes necessary.

She can play for 'someone else' on her High School Team or in her secondary sports. She can guest play for others to experience other coaches. There are plenty of opportunities to 'not play for you' while still playing for you.


My DD has played for others which went well sometimes and not so well other times. Currently I am the AC on her team with a HC who has the experience of taking girls from 14U through college. Are philosophies are very similar and he has roughly the same level of coaching experience as I do. It is a good match for where she and her team is. Very lucky at this very moment...

Thanks for your post. You made me realize that I was contemplating running away from an uncomfortable situation rather than to put my DD and her "softball career" in a better position. The two HCs I "work for" are two good guys who stepped up to make a team for their DDs to play on. However, when it comes to fastpitch softball, I know more than both of them put together. So, I will take a "chill pill" and make the best of the situation going forward.

 

[NorthMS]

Happened for me after 1st year 10u. I love coaching, but it was better for my DD and our relationship for me to stop coaching her. We weren't fighting, but I get to be more of a fan of DD than I ever could as her coach. This was an unexpected benefit.

I didn't turn her over to a better coach imo , but to good coaches and I get to focus more of my time on my DDs and not 10 other girls.

 

[guero_gordo]

So, what do you do? Clean your shotguns? Sharpen your knives?

Kids are self-centered and become unnerved easily by long brooding silences.

 

[casedawg51]

My 16 year old had a boy come to the house to visit her not too long ago and I met him in the kitchen. Introduced myself and shook his hand. Few minutes later they are sitting on the couch and he is kinda quiet. DD asks him whats wrong and he says "I think your Dad broke my hand" .

 

[InsidePitch]

I'm sure some dads can pull this off but based on the 100s of daddyball horror stories I've heard or read, I doubt it's right for most. Even the most well meaning dad can fall into this trap or even go the opposite and hold their DD to a higher standard. I think lots of dads need to look in the mirror and answer honestly, do I have the skill set to do it better.


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[Rocketech1]

The problem with coaching your kids for so long is that you have given them all of your coaching wisdom, so it's best for the player to get exposed to new and different softball skills, strategies, even the players they play with will (should) be different. Ex. there is an independent 14U team in my area that has tried to keep the core girls together each year but half the players don't want to be there, they have never really competed to make the team or worked hard to play their preferred positions, and the few very talented players are not reaching their full potential, are not being exposed to better coaching, or the benefits of being part of a real TB organization. There reaches a point where the player can only grow by cutting off the daddy ball lifeline.