Amanda - IMO, as a coach and the leader of the team YOU always need to take the high road. Since this is a rec ball you need to find out from the league what your options are: can you even dismiss the player from the team on this "first offense"? I would be very careful about how you handle the situation since it will effect your current team and how you are perceived if you coach in future seasons, etc. I would definitely talk with this mom so that you get the facts of why they left and let her know her actions are unacceptable. You either give her a second chance or you dismiss her (if allowed). If you do dismiss her, I think you need to sit down with all the other players and families and let them know exactly why she was dismissed and that her behavior was unacceptable. This way they get the story directly from you and not from third parties. Good luck, let us know how it goes.
How would you handle this?
- Thread starter amanda_cake
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Amanda - IMO, as a coach and the leader of the team YOU always need to take the high road. Since this is a rec ball you need to find out from the league what your options are: can you even dismiss the player from the team on this "first offense"? I would be very careful about how you handle the situation since it will effect your current team and how you are perceived if you coach in future seasons, etc. I would definitely talk with this mom so that you get the facts of why they left and let her know her actions are unacceptable. You either give her a second chance or you dismiss her (if allowed). If you do dismiss her, I think you need to sit down with all the other players and families and let them know exactly why she was dismissed and that her behavior was unacceptable. This way they get the story directly from you and not from third parties. Good luck, let us know how it goes.
But, you have to remember that our baseball/softball association does not mandate fall ball. They just give us permission to use the team stuff and team jerseys. Also, they do NOT do background checks or require any type of certification.
I've been helping and coaching since I was 14 years old in various shapes and forms... At sixteen, I head coached a 12U fall ball team. Now, at 17... I've got the 10U and a 12U fall ball team. Before that, I'd always helped out at practice and kept score for the younger kids, occasionally coaching a base. There were NO restrictions placed on what I could do... Heck, when helping out in the spring they let me on the field when one of the girls broke her arm. Nasty sight, but that's another story.
I don't think they'll allow me to dismiss her, I don't know. I'm hoping that things will just smooth over. This Saturday is our last game and I'd like for it to go as drama free as possible.
I have tried to get in contact with my commissioner but with no luck. Hopefully he will call me back so I can handle this how he wishes for me to handle it.
You did everything correct. You don't owe anyone an apology. If you want to talk to the mother, go ahead. Explain the situation and listen to her whine. You will learn that your phone call did nothing except waste electricity.
You won't be able to "dismiss" the child. But, you should talk to the commissioner and explain what happened.
You are young and think you can please everyone. You can't. You also think you can save everyone. You can't.
All you can do is do your job/task/assignment as best as you can.
You won't be able to "dismiss" the child. But, you should talk to the commissioner and explain what happened.
You are young and think you can please everyone. You can't. You also think you can save everyone. You can't.
All you can do is do your job/task/assignment as best as you can.
Oh trust me, I've long since learned that I can't please everyone. I know I'm not, especially with this 10U team. In the spring, I asked how many wanted to play fall ball... fourteen little hands shot up. Out of those fourteen, my roster of thirteen includes three of those girls from the spring. The rest of them are borrowed from teams in the county that did not put together a fall ball team (therefore, they'll go back to their team in the spring), are from coach pitch, or they are brand new. My father came to one of my games, sat in the bleachers, and none of the parents knew him... oh the things he could tell me after the game. Last weekend, my mother did the same thing.
Definitely something that I'm not used to... previously, all of the girls had seen me play and most of them knew my parents.
- Feb 8, 2009
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+1 This will affect your future. As a young person, you are under scrutiny. Take the high road. This is a great learning lesson.
- Jul 9, 2010
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Good grief. What would have happened had you batted her last to give some other kids more at-bats - it is fall ball, right? When I coached fall ball, I took the approach that it was developmental, and I tried pretty hard to even out the at-bats.
I wouldn't call her. I'd see if she showed up at practice, tell her why it happened, and remind that 1) it's fall ball, and 2) you can do whatever you want. When she coaches the team, she can do whatever she wants.
At our LL, we couldn't kick a kid off a team unless they brought drugs to practice or discharged a weapon. No matter what sort of grief I got from the player or the parent, they were on the team, playing time was mandatory, etc, etc.
If you league is like ours was, you can't really do much more than the invite mom to take a team in the spring, and until then, zip it. Even though there is mandatory play, it is still a dictatorship of 1 - you.
I wouldn't call her. I'd see if she showed up at practice, tell her why it happened, and remind that 1) it's fall ball, and 2) you can do whatever you want. When she coaches the team, she can do whatever she wants.
At our LL, we couldn't kick a kid off a team unless they brought drugs to practice or discharged a weapon. No matter what sort of grief I got from the player or the parent, they were on the team, playing time was mandatory, etc, etc.
If you league is like ours was, you can't really do much more than the invite mom to take a team in the spring, and until then, zip it. Even though there is mandatory play, it is still a dictatorship of 1 - you.
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You are the coach! If she wants to be the coach then she needs to take on a team next time or at least help with yours. She has no respect for your commitment to those kids. You do it on a volunteer basis. That Mom has no right to have any expectations. I would cut her just to send a message to the other parents. She needs to learn a lesson in manners.
- May 14, 2010
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Now, I am typically the first to hate on parents and attitudes. But who is getting punished in this deal? The player. Doubt very much that the player can drive at 10U. So Momma can be a *****, but the daughter is punished if she is removed from the team because Momma cannot get there on time. It's fall so I would not remove the player, but I would make some calls. And, for the sake of the team's respect for Amanda, the player would be at the bottom of the order for quite a while. If Momma cannot deal with that, well, Amanda has much better things to do with her life than deal with Momma. See ya, Momma!
You haven't done anything wrong, in fact, you have done everything right! I believe first you should let the board know of the situation and learn what your options are. That way anything you choose to do from that point is in line with policy. From there, I wouldn't call the parents unless it was only to tell them to show early to the next practice to have a conversation. I prefer to handle these matters face to face. This is not a discussion, but simply you calmly and firmly informing the parents that this type of behaviour is inappropriate and will not be tolerated. There is a committment to the team and that commitment needs to be honored. Let them know that this stops here - it will be over and not brought back up unless it happens again. From there, you can give what were the consequences. Have these predetermined and dont wavier from them. I would suggest that the next game this girl does not play defense but perhaps still bats. Regardless, she is required to be there with the team. You should get one of two responses. A fairly quiet (hopefully) acceptance of the terms, or they get mad and leave. Either way, bring the meeting to a close and start practice.
My commissioner did not get in contact with me today. The little girl did not show up at practice either and I have not heard from her mother. I have been told by one of my 12U assistants not to worry with her (he's the head coach in the spring) because of all of the other past problems. That helped ease the worries that if she decides to drag this out, the board will be on my side.
