How would you handle this?

[amanda_cake]

Saturday, the 10U rec team I am coaching had a game. One of the girls was running late and her mother texted me to let me know of the situation. I replied and said okay. It was a 9AM game, so they needed to be there at 8. That involves us leaving the house at 7 for the hour drive, so they had to get up around 6... I had some cranky girls that morning! I was also annoyed because several of them had texted me saying they were going to be late.

If anyone asks, that's part of the reason why I want them to be there an hour early. I really only need them 30 minutes before the game, but I have that hour cushion in case something happens. You say 30 minutes and they'll arrive five minutes before game time.

Anyway, ten minutes before game time and the only girl missing was the one who I mentioned earlier in the post. I had her batting in the middle of the lineup. I needed to make my lineup to turn in and put in the scorebook, so I talked to one of my assistant coaches and said I guess I'll have to move her to the bottom of the order. She arrives as I'm dealing with my scorekeeper and the other team's scorekeeper. Somehow her mother finds out where she's batting, becomes upset that her daughter was batting last, and takes her home! She never even spoke to me about this. I don't know how she found out, if she asked one of the coaches, if one of my coaches read the lineup to the girls and her daughter complained, etc.

I haven't been feeling that great today, so I haven't called the mother to talk to her about the situation. I simply haven't felt like dealing with it. She's a notorious firecracker and I'm sure this will get ugly. Supposedly she said that her daughter would have been batting last regardless of whether or not they were late. That simply wasn't the case. Due to the organization's pitching rules, you can only throw a pitcher 4 innings. Our ace was sick and had been hospitalized, so I had to borrow a pitcher from another team (started my #2, threw her two innings, threw the girl from another team 1 inning, and put my starter back in for 2 more innings before we ran out of time). There is no way I'd bat someone from another team before one of my girls (unless she was not there at the start of the game, then running the risk of reaching her in the batting order and it counting as an out), regardless of how good she is... I'd fear the parental backlash.

Would you have done the same thing? Would you call this mama? I've had a couple of people say that if she couldn't even talk to you at the game then you shouldn't call her... I should wait for her to call me, etc.

 

[2 DD Coach]

I would call my board to find out how severe of a punishment I was aloowed to hand down, with my choice being to have them removed from the team. If that is acceptable, I would make a call to the mom, and ask her why they left, and if the answer has anything to do with playing time or batting order, I would say thank you and hang up the phone. I would then send her an email stating that walking away from the team for these reasons is the same as quitting the team, so please turn back in any league owned equipment, and have a nice life.
If the board wouldn't allow it I would plan on being somewhere else next season.

 

[alexander58]

It will be painful, but call her to explain yourself. If she doesn't listen to reason, at least one of you has acted like an adult.

 

[amanda_cake]

One of the **** things about the way fall ball is operated here is that it is NOT governed by our baseball/softball association. The rec association grants us permission to use the field, the baseball/softball allows us to use the equipment and wear the jerseys from the spring, but other than that they pretty much stay out of it. They do, however, get called with complaints from time to time. I will be calling them about this one, because this mother is the type to start crap. I've had issues with her before. Several weeks ago, she called me wanting to know why her daughter wasn't getting more infield time. Her daughter plays outfield because the girls in the infield are better than her. She feels that seniority should over rule. Several of the infield girls are only 8 years old, but they can play some darn good ball. I've told her that her daughter plays the outfield because when I've attempted to put her there in practice it was not working out and she's a good outfielder. So she's already got that grievance against me. She's also stated to me that her daughter does not feel that fall ball is "as fun" as spring ball (probably because she got more infield time in the spring, there were more girls on the team that she knew, etc.)

I've been through hell and back this fall season between parents, kids, etc. I was supposed to have an easy 10U team to coach... the spring team wanted to play fall ball. There are three kids on my fall roster from my spring team. Due to a back problem, the spring pitcher could not play. I've got two pitchers from another team that are playing for me. In the spring, they'll go back to that team. A team that we play against regularly, so I'm doing nothing but making them better to play against us in the spring. I can truly say this is all about the girls.

I'm definitely calling the board tomorrow or something because I'll be surprised if she hadn't already called them herself... I have a feeling that she might not be back in the spring, which at this point would be totally cool with me.

 

[Coach Al]

From what I have read on this forum, you are turning in ti a very good coach. What I would do is write a letter to your board to advise them of the situation and to cover yourself. If the mother it a firecracker like you said, talking to her would probably be of no use. Just remember you have 12 to 14 other girls on the team that you have to worry about. This may be an issue that you could address in your preseason parents meeting in the future. BTW, I have done the same thing in the past myself.

 

[BretMan]

Sounds like some of the stuff whack job parents used to pull back in my coaching days. I really hate to be a hard-rear, but I hate it even more when other people, by their thoughtless actions, put me in a position where I have to be a hard-rear! And that is exactly the position this thoughtless parent has put you in.

I would:

1) Call the lady and ask her why she left and why she left without speaking to me. Don't bring up anything about the batting order or her showing up late yourself. Just ask for an explanation and see what the lady has to say before you bring up those issues or start out defending your own actions.

2) If the batting order was her issue, I would simply tell her that you were required to hand in your line-up and since her daughter wasn't there you are required by rule to place the vacant spot last in the batting order. Not only is this required by the rules, but you as a coach must put the team's interests above any one individual and it would never be in the team's best interest to have a potential "automatic out" in the middle of the batting order. Reinterate to her that in this same situation you would place any player not present when the line-ups must be turned last in the order.

3) Close by telling her that if she has a problem in the future that she needs to discuss it with the head coach. I would also tell her that leaving without speaking to you put the team in jeopardy and that you will not tolerate any one individual placing themselves above the interests of the team.

 

[mad hornet]

Sounds to me like she's off the team. She's lucky she was even in the line-up. What if she had been a half an hour late for the game? Even at the bottom of the order she could have been an automatic out. As a coach you never know and I have rolled those dice. It's one of the reasons I moved away from rec ball. When I was a rec coach in similar situation I would call these parents ten minutes before the game and tell them they are five minutes from their kid being out of the line-up. Luckily I never had to resort to it but had anyone left before the game over something so petty I would take it as a resignation. She isn't worth your time to bother calling. You should cover yourself with the board however. Getting it documented in writing is a good idea.

 

[absdad]

I agree with Mad Hornet. The woman withdrew her daughter with no communication to you, you have to assume she quit the team. If she's gone off the hook before, why entertain her with a phone call? As far as I'm concerned the ball is in her court, she should be calling you and apologizing like mad. You did good, hang in there.

 

[SoftSocDad]

Exactly. You don't even owe her a phone call and you certainly don't owe her any explanation as to why an absent-but-possibly-en route player would be placed at the bottom of the lineup.

It's unfortunate for the child, but she's off your fall team and I would doubt you'd want to take her on again in the spring, unless she gets a new mom.

 

[Wookie]

I had a similar situation happen to me this weekend, and I agree with everyone else's opinion - you HAVE TO put the team first. Many new parents to TB do not realize that this is no longer rec league where a kid can show up late but still play. There are rules that are from the sanctioning bodies that do not allow for "late" players. You need to be firm now or else you will not have control next year.

Like many others have said in the past, kids sports would be great if it weren't for their parents.