How to help your kid become a leader.

[ornelas85]

Here is the background on my DD.
She turned 10 last week. This year is her 1st year playing 10u. She has been playing softball for 4 years.
She plays SS and is the lead the off hitter and currently battling for the #1 pitching spot. Our current #1 pitcher is in her second year of 10u.
The team has played in 4 competitive tournaments and placed in three of those.

Her head coach has been pushing her to lead the team. Telling the other players this is her team and so on.
She will not lead. What can I do to help her understand how to lead and what is expected of a leader?
Are leaders born to lead or can you coach a kid to lead?

 

[quincy]

At 10U as DD went her Team went, she was the Team leader. It had to do with her energy.

HC told DD you are the Team leader, told the Team she was the Team leader.

What a disaster for everyone involved.

I would not put that pressure on any 10YO.

The best player is not always the team leader, watch practice and games there usally a player or 2 controlling the pace and keeping things together or causing things to fall apart.n

 

[grcsftbll]

I really think leaders have to evolve naturally. You can't force that on someone. My DH talks all the time about how our DD should be a team leader. But she just isn't into it. I can look at all the girls on the team and figure out pretty easily which 2 have that energy quincy is talking about. It's definitely not always going to be the most talented kid, or the best player. It's more about personality than that, IMO.

 

[Eric F]

Mandating that a young player is suddenly a "leader" doesn't always go very well. Some kids do fine with it. Some don't. Putting that burden on a 9yo playing with 10-11yos would take an exceptional personality for it to be successful.

At 10yo, a 2nd-year 10U, a catcher, and one of the top few 10U players in the rec league, my DD was encouraged to become the team leader, but it was not something that was announced in front of the whole team. She adopted the role fairly easily, and it was a joy to watch her develop. A big part of it, though, is that she has the personality for it. She can be loud to direct traffic on the field, and cheer her butt off in the dugout. She can also be very kind, patient, and gracious. Numerous times - without any prompting from the coaches - she would make an extra effort to help the new/developing players learn a skill or understand a concept. IMO, the biggest factor in my DD being seen as a leader by her teammates was that she showed that she had their back, set a good example for dedication and work ethic, and proved she was there to help elevate the level of everyone on the team, in order to teach a higher goal together...which they did. League Champions.

A counselling session with the team's young pitcher...

 

[dadofadirtlover]

IMHO,

Leaders aren't born. They are definitely made through a host of variables. It's true that some have more leadership qualities than others from a young age, but qualities don't make you a leader. That makes you a "potential leader". At the end of the day, 9 and 10 yo. think BOSS and CONTROL when they hear leader. Most adults claiming leadership just have a slightly elevated idea of leaders as bossing and controlling.

First and foremost, just like everything else in softball, if your DD wants to learn to be a leader, the journey takes time. It will require lessons and reps and growth pains. Why? Simple. All leaders have to grow into it just like all pitchers, hitters, catchers, coaches, etc. I'd start with a joint study (you and her) on "Developing The Leader Within You" from John Maxwell. That guy has about half of one of my bookshelves filled up on leadership. It's not a microwave solution that would cure the 10U woes of leadership, but by the time she is ready for college, she'll be an effective leader no matter what she decides to pursue.

 

[grcsftbll]

I love that photo. I can feel the "you've got this" vibes

 

[BobInMadison]

A few leaders are born, but even they need lots of work.
Others need even more work.

I will mention a power couple I was aquanted with in the 1970s.
He was one of the most natural born leaders anyone had ever met. Still, in the 1970s be had a LONG way to go. He was eventually elected president in the 1990s, and still had a lot to learn. After 8 years, he was certainly a true leader. Whether or not you like his direction is a completely different matter. This is not a political forum.

She had leadership skills, but was not in the same league as her husband. She was class speaker for her graduation almost 50 years ago, and has spent almost 50 years honing her skills, studying with The Master. She is now considered the favorite to win the presidency, barring any major events.

Her most likely opponent is a real estate developer who spent many decades honing his leadership skills, and unexpectedly wound up the front runner for his party's nomination.

You may or may not like any of these people. However, these were people with some leadership skills who spent decades honing their skills. And, that made a huge difference.

 

[chinamigarden]

A few leaders are born, but even they need lots of work.
Others need even more work.

I will mention a power couple I was aquanted with in the 1970s.
He was one of the most natural born leaders anyone had ever met. Still, in the 1970s be had a LONG way to go. He was eventually elected president in the 1990s, and still had a lot to learn. After 8 years, he was certainly a true leader. Whether or not you like his direction is a completely different matter. This is not a political forum.

She had leadership skills, but was not in the same league as her husband. She was class speaker for her graduation almost 50 years ago, and has spent almost 50 years honing her skills, studying with The Master. She is now considered the favorite to win the presidency, barring any major events.

Her most likely opponent is a real estate developer who spent many decades honing his leadership skills, and unexpectedly wound up the front runner for his party's nomination.

You may or may not like any of these people. However, these were people with some leadership skills who spent decades honing their skills. And, that made a huge difference.

would an indictment be considered a major event?

 

[chinamigarden]

There are so many ways to be a leader. There is usually no way to take a 10 year old and make them into the emotional, outspoken sort of leader. What you can do, is make a good player into the sort of kid who leads by example. First one in line, first one out on the field, first one to grab the gear and take it out of the dugout, the kid who takes extra practice...

No coach should ever tell a 10 year old that this is your team and you need to lead it, and in case I mis read, no coach should tell a group of 10 year olds that one particular kid is the head of a team...

A coach needs to find a leader among who he has, it might not be the best player, it might not be the pitcher or SS, it might be the kid who is on the bench all the time but has a great attitude about it. To force it on someone would be like lining up the kids by how tall they are and picking the tallest 3 and saying you are all pitchers now. What if they don't want to pitch? What if they refuse to practice pitching, what if they are uncoordinated... Meanwhile he has 3 other girls who love to pitch and are good at it, would he ignore them because they don't fit the mold of the tall pitcher?

 

[JAD]

Her head coach has been pushing her to lead the team. Telling the other players this is her team and so on.
She will not lead. What can I do to help her understand how to lead and what is expected of a leader?
Are leaders born to lead or can you coach a kid to lead?

The best way I know to lead is by example. Tell your DD to be the first to practice and the last to leave, always give 110%, ask for two more grounders, two more swings, two more pop flies, positively encourage ALL of her teammates - not just the ones she likes, be coachable, be enthusiastic, and do it all with a smile on her face like she is having fun!