high school vent/advise needed

[Il softball fan]

Second day of high school softball(voluntary)yesterday for DD. As most probably know, DD missed her entire freshman season due to spinal fusion surgery. She was just released to do any sports related activity August 1st. She has been playing with a select team since then.

Fast forward to yesterday. Second practice. Strength conditioning practice. Translated to: weight lifting.

Good news...dd can be a softball player. Bad news....DD will NEVER be a weight lifter. Three rods in her back, and 18 screws directly into her spine. Doctors, several PT docs, all said weight lifting is a no go. High school coach is having the girls do squats, straight leg dead lifts, and overhead presses. All three of those exercises put huge amounts of strain on the spine. She tells coach she can't do those things. Coach starts giving her a hard time about not wanting to work, and wasting time being there, and quote from coach (according to DD) "well you are here, so you need to do something" and "if you are not suppose to bend over at the waiste, how are you gonna field a ground ball" DD then demonstrated bending her legs, and back and simulated getting a ground ball. She can bend over, just not lifting weights on the way back up. She said that her demonstrating that she can, in fact, field grounders pissed him off. She said that he told her several times that what the doctors told her "doesn't make sense" and that she needed to do this.

DD is usually pretty strong willed, and holds her ground, but she said that he was on her so much and kept coming back to her repeatedly until she gave in and did all the exercises. I am actually a little disappointed in her that she relented. Here is the thing.......this guy has been around DD and coached since they were 8-9 years old. Has always been a stand up guy, and I consider him to be a friend. Why would someone like this not take her long term health into consideration? He KNOWS about her surgery and the fact that she was out for an entire year.

So here is the delimma....Again I know this guy. Haven't hung out together or anything, but have been around him occasionally for 6 years or so. DD fears me talking to him, that he will take it out on her and be harder on her. I must admit that I am a little pissed that a grown man would basically bully her into doing something that she should not. However I believe that I can have a civil conversation. Should I go and request a meeting, or let it go and see how practices go next week?

What would you all do if it was your DD??

EDIT to add....in fairness I have not heard his side of this exchange. My dd is not usually one to exaggerate things, but she is a 15 year old girl, so I am keeping that in mind.

 

[rdbass]

I must admit that I am a little pissed that a grown man would basically bully her into doing something that she should not. However I believe that I can have a civil conversation. Should I go and request a meeting, or let it go and see how practices go next week?

I normally try and stay out of HS drama but, this I had to respond too. I would have to meet up with this BULLY. I'm not very civil and I would like to see him 'hold' it against my DD.

 

[maksoftball]

"Meet me in the parking lot...after school."

J/K. He needs to be put into his place...involve the AD if you have to. The health and well-being of your DD comes first especially since she has special circumstances that led up to her restrictions. Just because it "doesn't make sense" to him doesn't make him qualified to know better!!! Geesh...what a bully. I hope you can get to the bottom of this.

 

[djcarter1966]

I would simply tell my DD that she knows all the struggles she went through to heal from her injuries and ask her if she wants to go through that again?

Whether she talks to her doctor or not I would simply have her go in and restate that "after thinking about it overnight I'm going to stick with the advice of my doctor"

That said she should be able to walk through the exercises with either no weights or 5lbs hand weights, something to show she will participate with the team but only as far as she is medically able.

When the time comes to hit the field she will either shine or not...trust me the one the coaches want to do more than make a point is WIN if she can help the coach do that she will be on the field.

 

[inde53546]

Simply get an order from the doc/pt and include recommended exercises she can and should do.

If that doesn't work then meet him in the parking lot......or involve th AD

 

[Il softball fan]

Wow, I am not the only one bored and on here on a Friday afternoon.....Lots of quick replies. Thanks everyone for the replies. I think I just needed to vent my frustration. Again thanks.

Here is what I am thinking so far. I have already got a message in to her surgeon. I am also contacting the PT docs and requesting a list of alternate/acceptable strength conditioning exercises. Unfortunately, the three that he picked for high school girls to do are all no gos. The straight leg dead lifts being an ABSOLUTE no. She is fused down to mid lower back and only has 5-6 discs below the fusion. That exercise puts hugs strain on that area. One of the other absolute no's from PT doc was any kind of crunch, or sit up. The head PT doc said she should and she stressed NEVER do another sit up. I am going to send this information and list to her next practice and have her give it to the coach. If the problem persists, or this is not good enough, I will def be requesting a face to face.

 

[JJsqueeze]

I would have his head on a plate. Seriously, I would have a lawyer draft a letter to the AD letting him know that due to the HCs insistence on violating a medical restriction that he must be immediately removed from the position in order to protect the players. This is a serious breach of ethics, trust, bullying, verbal harrassment....I would throw the complaint book at him. I seriously would be the biggest pain in the rear this guy ever saw. Hell, I might go straight to a lawsuit threat saying DD feels discomfort in her back now.

I would not converse with him at all, and that is always my first course of action, what he did is so far out of bounds he needs a hammer.

Do not settle for anything but his rear gone. Friggin jerk.

 

[JJsqueeze]

Wow, I am not the only one bored and on here on a Friday afternoon.....Lots of quick replies. Thanks everyone for the replies. I think I just needed to vent my frustration. Again thanks.

Here is what I am thinking so far. I have already got a message in to her surgeon. I am also contacting the PT docs and requesting a list of alternate/acceptable strength conditioning exercises. Unfortunately, the three that he picked for high school girls to do are all no gos. The straight leg dead lifts being an ABSOLUTE no. She is fused down to mid lower back and only has 5-6 discs below the fusion. That exercise puts hugs strain on that area. One of the other absolute no's from PT doc was any kind of crunch, or sit up. The head PT doc said she should and she stressed NEVER do another sit up. I am going to send this information and list to her next practice and have her give it to the coach. If the problem persists, or this is not good enough, I will def be requesting a face to face.

NONONONONO....if he gets another chance he may make a decision that severely injures your kid. This guy needs to be treated like any other threat to the physical well being of your daughter. My guess is that this is most physical danger she has ever intentionally been put in in her life right? Treat it that way.

 

[maksoftball]

NONONONONO....if he gets another chance he may make a decision that severely injures your kid. This guy needs to be treated like any other threat to the physical well being of your daughter. My guess is that this is most physical danger she has ever intentionally been put in in her life right? Treat it that way.

Additionally, it has already been proven that your dd backed down. She will do so again. You have to intervene NOW before she has any further damage done. There is no tip-toeing to be had here...it's stomping mad time!

 

[Il softball fan]

You guys take pissed off to a whole other level....dayum. I appreciate the input. I really do, but as I said before I know this guy and I hope it was really just a day that was out of his character. I am hoping that the letter from surgeon and info from PT doc will be enough that this issue will be resolved. Still waiting on responses from them. No practice today, so no worries.