Ethics Question - Accepting a Spot on a Team, but still looking?

[CMMom1740]

Sounds like a change is in order for sure. You just matter of factly tell them she's taken another offer. If they really press you, say that you had expressed concerns about playing time, but that nothing changed and she's accepted an offer where she will get more time. Easy peasy.

 

[FP_Catcher_Dad]

The whole family felt frustrated, but that's the deal we made. So we're sticking with it, and thanked the other coach but said we'd made a decision and accepted a spot the night before. Part of this isn't just about playing ball IMO, it's about raising the kid. Tough decisions need to be made on both the coaches side and the family side. If a coach has limited spots, as long as they're honest, I can feel for them. We took what we thought was an informed decision, but might have lost out on an opportunity. On the other hand, we might be exactly where we need to be. You never know going in.

It is important to teach our kids good values and that our word has some meaning. You have taught a great lesson to your kid, not only to be patient next time, but to stick with decisions and commitments made, even if they are tough. To me that has greater value. Like you say, this might be exactly what you need and she can always try with other teams next year.

Kudos to you and your family and I hope you all enjoy the season. I enjoyed reading your post.

 

[Swim Coach]

We sort of found ourselves in this spot this year. DD is entering her second year of TB and this was our first tryout season as we joined a team in Feb last year. If you read my Getting the Axe thread, you know we knew we were leaving and prior to notifying the coach, he sent us the "taking the team in a different direction" email. That different direction turned out to be as I predicted, implosion, and the whole organization dissolved a week later.

So we did not have returning team to notify. We went to three tryouts - one a reach, one a match where DD wanted to play, and one a safety just really for the experience where we knew she would be selected.

The reach was first, and they wanted us to attend another tryout. The match was second, and to our surprise, the coach offered her that afternoon even though the tryout was rained out half way through. DD is a pitcher and he never got to see her pitch. Now we had played his team in Rec, and my guess is he remembered her, but after a sour experience last year, I told him let's wait until their next tryout and see if he still wants her after he sees her pitch AND confirms he can get her some circle time. He said ask for him when we get there but that DD does not need to tryout, the spot is hers and she doesn't have to come back. That wouldn't be for 4 days but we were pretty confident. In the meantime we went to the safety tryout (went well and got email that night) and went back to the reach team. That also went well and we were told DD was still in the running there. Unfortunately, we were unable to attend any other tryouts during the busy week, but we were content that DD was going to be on one of the first two teams.

We then went back to the second tryout for the match and asked for the coach since I didn't see him. We were at that point told that the team was CANCELLED. WTF, excuse me? We've been offered a spot (and requested a deposit) for a team you dropped and did not see fit to notify anyone? 5 days had now elapsed. Any alternative plans we could have made were now moot, as most teams had filled their pitching. So our eggs were in the reach basket as DD decided she did not want to play for the safety.

Finally the word came DD did not make the reach, and now we were without a team with most area tryouts over. Eventually reach coach made some calls and found us a home where we got an offer and DD thinks she will be happy.

So while the ethics of looking after accepting might seem wrong, I wish since we hadn't signed anything we had kept looking. This was a 20+ year old organization with 6-7 teams a year, and they had no issue with sticking us and a half a dozen other families with nowhere to go. What if we hadn't gone to the second tryout?

Just a reminder, ethics go both ways.

 

[CMMom1740]

We sort of found ourselves in this spot this year. DD is entering her second year of TB and this was our first tryout season as we joined a team in Feb last year. If you read my Getting the Axe thread, you know we knew we were leaving and prior to notifying the coach, he sent us the "taking the team in a different direction" email. That different direction turned out to be as I predicted, implosion, and the whole organization dissolved a week later.

So we did not have returning team to notify. We went to three tryouts - one a reach, one a match where DD wanted to play, and one a safety just really for the experience where we knew she would be selected.

The reach was first, and they wanted us to attend another tryout. The match was second, and to our surprise, the coach offered her that afternoon even though the tryout was rained out half way through. DD is a pitcher and he never got to see her pitch. Now we had played his team in Rec, and my guess is he remembered her, but after a sour experience last year, I told him let's wait until their next tryout and see if he still wants her after he sees her pitch AND confirms he can get her some circle time. He said ask for him when we get there but that DD does not need to tryout, the spot is hers and she doesn't have to come back. That wouldn't be for 4 days but we were pretty confident. In the meantime we went to the safety tryout (went well and got email that night) and went back to the reach team. That also went well and we were told DD was still in the running there. Unfortunately, we were unable to attend any other tryouts during the busy week, but we were content that DD was going to be on one of the first two teams.

We then went back to the second tryout for the match and asked for the coach since I didn't see him. We were at that point told that the team was CANCELLED. WTF, excuse me? We've been offered a spot (and requested a deposit) for a team you dropped and did not see fit to notify anyone? 5 days had now elapsed. Any alternative plans we could have made were now moot, as most teams had filled their pitching. So our eggs were in the reach basket as DD decided she did not want to play for the safety.

Finally the word came DD did not make the reach, and now we were without a team with most area tryouts over. Eventually reach coach made some calls and found us a home where we got an offer and DD thinks she will be happy.

So while the ethics of looking after accepting might seem wrong, I wish since we hadn't signed anything we had kept looking. This was a 20+ year old organization with 6-7 teams a year, and they had no issue with sticking us and a half a dozen other families with nowhere to go. What if we hadn't gone to the second tryout?

Just a reminder, ethics go both ways.

Wow! What a story. Scares the crapola out of me, honestly. This process can be so shady at times. We're still waiting. Had an org tryout tonight with two teams DD would be eligible for. I had a meeting and had to send my parents in my place and both coaches sought them out in the parking lot. Both very complimentary, but still no offer in hand. Ughhhh......

 

[Cannonball]

Here is what I hate. A player is offered and the player and parents accept a spot on Team A. In fact, mention that they won't go to any other tryouts. Then, they go to another tryout. This player gets offered from Team B. Team A has now let another player go since this player accepted spot. The player and parents now tell Team 2 that they will accept. At this point, no one on Team A knows what has happened and if this player is really going to go to Team B. What makes this the worse is that this might become personal with some people and me included.

 

[learning]

DD was at a tryout today and one of the girls there had accepted on another team already - - at least I think so...her name was listed on the roster on their website and she was NOT on the team last year, so I can only assume she tried out and accepted an offer there. Then she shows up today at a different tryout? Doesn't seem right to me! My DD got an offer after a tryout last weekend...luckily the coaches didn't give her a time frame for a decision so she could go to multiple tryouts and weigh options - - it would have been hard if they pushed her to accept right away....maybe that's what happened with this other girl...but still doesn't make it right.

 

[Swim Coach]

I agree CB, as long as both sides are upfront and follow through, I have no problem. In our case, we never said yes, we said we would like you to look at her again and confirm you see her as a pitcher. We were told a spot was our until that second tryout, and we could decide then. I found it very unprofessional of a long time and respected org to just pull the plug without notifying anyone, then when questioned just shrug their shoulders as if to say "Oh well".

 

[grcsftbll]

Here is what I hate. A player is offered and the player and parents accept a spot on Team A. In fact, mention that they won't go to any other tryouts. Then, they go to another tryout. This player gets offered from Team B. Team A has now let another player go since this player accepted spot. The player and parents now tell Team 2 that they will accept. At this point, no one on Team A knows what has happened and if this player is really going to go to Team B. What makes this the worse is that this might become personal with some people and me included.

So shady! I get that sometimes people change their minds about a team (we have). But don't commit then *go to another tryout*. That's not right.

 

[Cannonball]

Still waiting for that family to tell Team A what they have done. I thought that maybe they would do that during the weekend. NOPE!

 

[marriard]

DD was at a tryout today and one of the girls there had accepted on another team already - - at least I think so...her name was listed on the roster on their website and she was NOT on the team last year, so I can only assume she tried out and accepted an offer there. Then she shows up today at a different tryout? Doesn't seem right to me! .

Be absolutely SURE it is the player.... We have an org who does this locally - they publish their teams and 'selected players' on their website with whoever turned up to their tryouts before they even contact the players to offer them spots. They claim it is how they announce teams, but really it is to try and stop other teams offering spots to players they want.