Ethics Question - Accepting a Spot on a Team, but still looking?

[Andy S]

We were pretty much in that implied position, and the kid decided to take it due to some anxiety issues (post concussion syndrome) and didn't want any more tryouts. Next day, another coach we'd lined up a private workout with due to a conflict on that team's scheduled tryout texts me that they actually need a catcher now because one left (previously, it was one of those "all spots up for grabs * but we already have catchers).

The whole family felt frustrated, but that's the deal we made. So we're sticking with it, and thanked the other coach but said we'd made a decision and accepted a spot the night before. Part of this isn't just about playing ball IMO, it's about raising the kid. Tough decisions need to be made on both the coaches side and the family side. If a coach has limited spots, as long as they're honest, I can feel for them. We took what we thought was an informed decision, but might have lost out on an opportunity. On the other hand, we might be exactly where we need to be. You never know going in.

 

[Bartow12]

Different at our level it seems. We have not had tryouts for years. You must be invited to play with our organization. We let all of the other groups do all of that. Our staffs observe while out at showcases, and invite players to join us after the commitment with thier current team ends. Again this starts about 16 U level as we are only doing college level showcases. After the first few years we now have them on waiting lists to play with us. The monthly dues and joining fees lets us know our families are commited to the organization and the goal.

 

[AndyS]

I agree with marriard and junkball. On top of what they say, softball's a small world. It's likely if you keep going to tryouts, or even "private evaluations", chances are high that it is going to get back to the coach anyway that your still trying out elsewhere. Might as well be up front about it.

We're having similar concerns about accepting or declining an offer, but I'd definitely be straight with the coach if we're still going to try out elsewhere.

We have remarkably similar screen names. That is actually no big deal but when I saw your post and read it I did a double-take and was thinking I know I had a few margaritas at dinner last night but for the life of me I don't remember making this post. Then I realized it was not me.

 

[Andy S]

We have remarkably similar screen names. That is actually no big deal but when I saw your post and read it I did a double-take and was thinking I know I had a few margaritas at dinner last night but for the life of me I don't remember making this post. Then I realized it was not me.

Heh. Can't remember if I tried your name before doing the space, or just picked it initially.

 

[quincy]

One of the things I like about this forum is when people post knowing the anwser after they type it up but still sharing.

 

[MNDad]

Different at our level it seems. We have not had tryouts for years. You must be invited to play with our organization. We let all of the other groups do all of that. Our staffs observe while out at showcases, and invite players to join us after the commitment with thier current team ends. Again this starts about 16 U level as we are only doing college level showcases. After the first few years we now have them on waiting lists to play with us. The monthly dues and joining fees lets us know our families are commited to the organization and the goal.

Interesting method to measure commitment. I understand your point that having something at stake should make the families more accountable. In our experience families willing to spend more on fees just meant they had more money to spend.

 

[grcsftbll]

Interesting method to measure commitment. I understand your point that having something at stake should make the families more accountable. In our experience families willing to spend more on fees just meant they had more money to spend.

Sometimes you can measure commitment this way. I've known some people who had the money, just didn't prioritize softball. I've always thought it was odd to put a child in travel ball if it's not a priority to you, since it's so time-consuming.

 

[SoftSocDad]

Daughter has been offered a spot on a team, but the coach has suggested (though he hasn't actually out and said it) that he wants her to commit TODAY. We like what we are hearing from the coach, but he's putting together a new organization which he claims will be A-level. Lots of pie-in-the-sky promises about showcases, national tournaments, and college connections. I honestly don't know whether the coach can deliver on his promises.

I think our choices are 1) tell the coach we need more time to decide, or 2) tell him we're committing and keep looking. We'd like this team to be our safety net if our 1st, 2nd and 3rd choices don't come through.

I'm a little put-off by the pressure to commit to an organization without a track-record, and I think I might be using that to rationalize an unethical solution to our dilemma. Advice or helpful war-stories welcome.

No advice. I'm only surprised that this is even a question, but if people aren't in agreement on the definition of 'is', I suppose the definition of 'commitment' should be decidedly fluid, too.

 

[JAD]

Daughter has been offered a spot on a team, but the coach has suggested (though he hasn't actually out and said it) that he wants her to commit TODAY. We like what we are hearing from the coach, but he's putting together a new organization which he claims will be A-level. Lots of pie-in-the-sky promises about showcases, national tournaments, and college connections. I honestly don't know whether the coach can deliver on his promises.

I think our choices are 1) tell the coach we need more time to decide, or 2) tell him we're committing and keep looking. We'd like this team to be our safety net if our 1st, 2nd and 3rd choices don't come through.

I'm a little put-off by the pressure to commit to an organization without a track-record, and I think I might be using that to rationalize an unethical solution to our dilemma. Advice or helpful war-stories welcome.

A couple of thoughts...
1) The coach WILL find out if you attend other tryouts, so do not think you can keep it a secret unless it is a private tryout.
2) There are always a lot of A-level teams at tryouts....not so many at the end of the season.
2B) Beware of teams claiming to be A-level, but they post an ad needing pitching, a catcher, a SS and CF...
3) Showcases are adding teams as fast as they can find fields, but getting into a showcases does NOT guarantee exposure.
4) Coaches of newer teams try to pressure girls into committing before they attend additional tryouts and find a better fit.
5) You can always change your mind after the fall season if things do not pan out.

 

[SoftBallMama3]

Accepting /declining a sport on a team: no love from organization

We were part of an organization for a few years. There was a very young and inexperienced coach hired which quit mid season. The assistant coach was called back in to head the team. My DD had been a starter for almost every game prior to this for as long as we have been with the organization. When the coaching change happened, my DD was benched, EVERY SINGLE GAME. She questioned her coach. She was given excuses such as "it was an over sight", "you will play tomorrow (then tomorrow came and she didn't play), "you are not confident at your position, you need more work", etc. finally we contacted the Pres of the Organization. She spoke to my DD and gave her positive advice as well as told her to work hard, and stay positive. My DD did all of what she was advised to do. SHE NEVER PLAYED AGAIN UNTIL THE LAST GAME OF THE SEASON FOR A FEW INNINGS.
Tryout season came and we were never SPOKEN to about returning. That being said we did receive an email advising us of the changes w/I the organization and stated they look forward to another rewarding season with my DD.
Now, we received no attention or extended communication initiated by the Coach (which was her previous coach from 2 seasons ago) nor from anyone else. When we contacted the coach for a private tryout due to scheduling issues, we were spoken to as if we were a stranger. Telling us she needed to come out and tryout and they would contact us with the info as soon as it was confirmed. We stated she was trying out for other teams as we didn't know what the status was of the existing team. They were fine with it and reiterated they would be in touch. She had several other tryouts and was offered a spot from each. Her previous team was the last tryout scheduled and she was trying out with a few other former players that just ended their season with said coach. At the end of the tryout session the assistant coach (head coach was not there) came to us and said she has some movement issues but could hit great and upped her game at other positions, BUT they needed to see her again. Since then there have been other issues with low numbers at tryouts and previous committed players jumping ship. My daughter feels very hurt that she was treated this way. We feel we were not given the respect that a family who has been with the organization for several years and has openly been very supportive and even defended them in times of adversity should have been treated. By no means did we expect she would automatically given a spot, but we did feel we should have been notified of changes and issues as others were. Prior to this happening, my DD would have never seen herself on ANY OTHER TEAM. Now she is seriously considering taking an offer from another team which is the same caliber team, was offered to play up, also was guaranteed a position in the starting rotation and promised additional training at a new position she is exploring.

My question is what is the PROPER way to handle notifying the organization or coach that she has decided to leave? She said it may not be a forever decision in her mind, but maybe they need some space and regroup possibly at a later date. She loves her former program and even coaches. There has just been a lot of drama and issues and she wants to be in a place where she will get her skills refined and feel some love so she can be ready for the next competitive level. I need help as to how to handle this and not burn bridges. Hanks in advance!