Ethics Question - Accepting a Spot on a Team, but still looking?

[dadofadirtlover]

Here in Atlanta, there is an association of independent private schools (not all take place, but most do). They have agreed on a common notification date for admissions. So, letters accepting students all go out on the same day. Then, families have exactly two weeks to respond and commit. During that two week period, there can be movement with people declining offers and waitlists opening up. I SO wish that travel teams would adopt a system like this. I understand that such a system would be tremendously helpful to parents/players, but maybe less so to coaches. However, the less well-known teams could also benefit b/c those players who got an offer from their first choice team would be off the market immediately and they could then have time to communicate with those who are still available. Just the things I think about late at night while sweating this whole tryout process!

Someone would invariably feel obligated to skirt those rules. When one does it, the majority will say "If xyz is doing it, I MUST DO IT". Then that system breaks down yet again. Gotta love the human condition!

 

[CMMom1740]

It works really well with the schools. Of course, they have accreditation and stuff to worry about, but the system polices itself pretty well. They also have a "no contact" policy during the two weeks families have to decide. In other words, schools can't call parents and put the pressure on during that time. Parents can contact them with questions, but not vice-versa. Works quite well.

 

[GunnerShotgun]

There's ethics during tryout season!?

As a coach, I tell the kid or parent that I'm going to roster say 12 girls. I will offer up spots to 15. The first 12 to commit get the spots. After that, the spots are taken. A coach should not wait on players before offering others a spot. A commit on my team also means a $100 non-refundable deposit on player fees.

Agreed. If I have four spots open I am taking the first 4 offers that pay a deposit. You don't have to commit, take all of the time that you want. The roster spot may or may not be there when you decide. It's nothing personal. I will answer all of the questions you have about our team and our org. If you tell me you want to try out for other teams that's great, but I am not holding a spot for you.

 

[YoungBuck]

Perfectly ethical to commit and keep looking. If he fulfills on his end you're likely to fulfill on your end correct ? If he doesn't fulfill on his end then you should be welcome to depart. I see it as the equivalent of a job offer. It works both ways (or it doesn't!).

 

[Merrill Danner]

My DD is 13 almost 14, and is doing tryouts, 4 this weekend. This was her choice and she had me schedule her for all tryouts with "high level" teams in the Oklahoma/ Arkansas area. The speech i gave to her to give to coaches if they ask her to commit or anything else, is, I am doing tryouts until the end of August, I will contact all teams that asked me to be a part of their org and tat time and let them know my decision. My dad agreed to let me do all these tryouts on the condition that I have to speck directly to the coaches and address any questions that they may have.
So far the two teams that have asked are very accepting of her decision and asked her to come workout with them in the meantime, which she said she would love to do.
The kid if she was to cut herself would bleed tiny softball is am sure.

But be open about what you are doing, if they pressure you to commit probably not where you or your DD want to be anyway.

 

[JJsqueeze]

Daughter has been offered a spot on a team, but the coach has suggested (though he hasn't actually out and said it) that he wants her to commit TODAY. We like what we are hearing from the coach, but he's putting together a new organization which he claims will be A-level. Lots of pie-in-the-sky promises about showcases, national tournaments, and college connections. I honestly don't know whether the coach can deliver on his promises.

I think our choices are 1) tell the coach we need more time to decide, or 2) tell him we're committing and keep looking. We'd like this team to be our safety net if our 1st, 2nd and 3rd choices don't come through.

I'm a little put-off by the pressure to commit to an organization without a track-record, and I think I might be using that to rationalize an unethical solution to our dilemma. Advice or helpful war-stories welcome.

I am getting lazy about reading responses before posting so forgive me if I am redundant:


1) Very poor form to accept a position and then tryout for other teams....just feeds into the cycle of coaches saying that they pull their shenanigans because parents play these games. better to be upfront and honest and if she loses the spot because she went on other tryouts then so be it, probably best in the long run anyway.

2) Run away from this team. I understand how a name brand org has the leverage to pull this kind of thing but for a startup to pull it it just screams as something that is equal parts desperation and despotism.

We were put in this position by a team from a VERY well known org once and I simply told him that if we have to decide tonight then the answer is no, I can't commit to having DD play on a team with girls she has never met and coaches she has never at least guested with. We then promptly accepted a spot on another team. Never looked back and it was the right choice for DD.

 

[GoGamecocks]

An update.

I think I knew what the correct answer was before posting, and reading your responses left me to do the "right thing." I wrote to the coach, thanked him for the offer, and told him that we had committed to several other tryouts and were unwilling to commit until mid-August. His response, I think, was a bit telling. He asked our daughter to come to the tryout this weekend.

I think this was a passive aggressive play on his part. He didn't say that the offer was rescinded, but the suggestion was there. I think what he wants is to have as many girls as possible at this tryout so he can lead the new players and parents to believe that his tryout has drawn lots of interest. My daughter has a school event that night, and can only be there for half of the workout. He still wants her there.

The vibe I'm getting from this guy is getting worse the more I communicate with him.

Thanks everyone for your feedback.

 

[ndame88]

So it it unethical when a coach offers a spot after tryouts, you tell them that your DD wants to do a couple of tryouts over the next couple of weeks, he says ok, but then calls you to put you on the spot for a decision a week later, you commit knowing full well your DD still wants to tryout for teams this weekend.

 

[grcsftbll]

So it it unethical when a coach offers a spot after tryouts, you tell them that your DD wants to do a couple of tryouts over the next couple of weeks, he says ok, but then calls you to put you on the spot for a decision a week later, you commit knowing full well your DD still wants to tryout for teams this weekend.

Maybe the coach has another girl interested, but likes your DD better. But he doesn't want to end up stuck with no player because he held a spot for your DD and she didn't end up taking it. So he needs a decision to help him determine whether or not to make the offer to his #2 choice. ?

 

[marriard]

So it it unethical when a coach offers a spot after tryouts, you tell them that your DD wants to do a couple of tryouts over the next couple of weeks, he says ok, but then calls you to put you on the spot for a decision a week later, you commit knowing full well your DD still wants to tryout for teams this weekend.

Depends on the conversation.... I have had this conversation with a parent before.

"I know you said you needed to wait until next Friday to make a decision, but I only have one spot left, and I am going to offer it to someone else tomorrow but would prefer to have your DD if she wants to. This is the names of everyone who has already committed to the team" - that gives you a chance to commit or not-commit and the coach is giving you a chance to fill the last spot and if you don't - then this team is no longer available to your DD to choose.

If it is just an attempt to pressure you into a decision, then you repeat what you said previously - we are not making a decision until XXX. And his team probably gets a black mark against them. Yes, it is is still unethical to accept a position when you still don't know if you are going to take it.