I think almost all of our DDs go through the 'want to be a great player but won't put the effort into it' stage. Frustrating as heck, until you realize it is their life, not yours.
Escalation of Commitment
- Thread starter BuckeyeGuy
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- Aug 12, 2014
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It sounds like she's in that place where she's trying to figure out what she wants. I'm also wondering what her social life is like - maybe she's getting pressure from non-softball friends to stop playing? It's probably a bigger issue than just softball.
- Aug 12, 2014
- 648
- 43
Our AD can look up the grades online. They do it this way because they want the kids to be responsible for handling it. My son played flag football in the fall and they had to forefeit a game because too many players didn't turn their forms in.
thanks for the updates.
to me it all sounds like your softball relationship has degraded into something DD no longer enjoys, for whatever reason(s).
the positive updates seem to be the result of her working with a coach who is not her dad, for the most part.
This could result from many things. I think most Dads and DDs all experience this to some degree.
Nobody's fault... but it seems evident that there is some "static" between you.
It may be advisable to have her work-out exclusively with external coaches and players for the foreseeable future?
Just a suggestion. A hard one, I know. If she plays school ball you are the coach - no getting around that one.
Continue with the private lessons, and really don't push her to practice at all for a while;
and see if she starts to ask you? Sounds like you are already leaning in that direction anyway...
One thing that has developed with my own DD (12 yrs old), is that she really seemed to bristle against spontaneous workouts.
She just really likes to have an idea in advance when and how long we will be working out (she is a pitcher).
So, we sat down, looked at her schedule (also a musician, horses, volleyball, etc). And I left it up to her: how much/often do you want to work at softball?
She settled upon 2 weeknight evenings per week, with sessions with her PC every 3 weeks or so on Sat or Sun.
She also did a 7week strength/conditioning program at home under my supervision back in Nov/Dec.
I can freely admit that she is much happier and more positive about softball now that that part has ended.
So, we found our "too much" point during that time.
to me it all sounds like your softball relationship has degraded into something DD no longer enjoys, for whatever reason(s).
the positive updates seem to be the result of her working with a coach who is not her dad, for the most part.
This could result from many things. I think most Dads and DDs all experience this to some degree.
Nobody's fault... but it seems evident that there is some "static" between you.
It may be advisable to have her work-out exclusively with external coaches and players for the foreseeable future?
Just a suggestion. A hard one, I know. If she plays school ball you are the coach - no getting around that one.
Continue with the private lessons, and really don't push her to practice at all for a while;
and see if she starts to ask you? Sounds like you are already leaning in that direction anyway...
One thing that has developed with my own DD (12 yrs old), is that she really seemed to bristle against spontaneous workouts.
She just really likes to have an idea in advance when and how long we will be working out (she is a pitcher).
So, we sat down, looked at her schedule (also a musician, horses, volleyball, etc). And I left it up to her: how much/often do you want to work at softball?
She settled upon 2 weeknight evenings per week, with sessions with her PC every 3 weeks or so on Sat or Sun.
She also did a 7week strength/conditioning program at home under my supervision back in Nov/Dec.
I can freely admit that she is much happier and more positive about softball now that that part has ended.
So, we found our "too much" point during that time.
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I keep thinking the same thing, and I've told her that if it's not fun she can stop any time and I'll support her decision. Then she gets mad at me and says she wants to play.
At a minimum, it's better when I let her set the pace. But sometimes her pace is zero lol!
Yeah, already mostly there. I ask her every other day or so if she wants to, and if she says no we leave it alone.
Cannonball
Ex "Expert"
- Feb 25, 2009
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I guess I'm a blockhead. I don't get why this is needed. If the AD checks the grades, they have proven that they are responsible students in the classroom if they are passing. I'm sure there is some rationale for this but to me, I don't see a correlation between carrying a piece of paper around to prove you want to play and a player having the ability to play on the field. If you were to say that they forgot equipment, were always late to practice, ... that all has something to do with the playing the game. Again, I admit I'm a blockhead.
Cannonball
Ex "Expert"
- Feb 25, 2009
- 4,881
- 113
BuckeyGuy, I don't know your dd so keep that in mind. There are some players who think that they are doing their best and yet, know that they are struggling with some phase of the game. So, they try to figure it out on their own but give the impression that either they aren't hard chargers or don't care. The problem then is when they are criticized or, in some cases, not criticized but feel that they are, they shutdown or get angry. It doesn't mean that they don't love the game and don't want to play. That light that goes off for others hasn't yet for them and they know it. IMO, it will go off. I thought of that when you said that your dd hit the heck out of the ball and then wanted to talk about it on the ride home. Anyway, and again, I don't know your dd and so thought I would put this out there. BTW, for many of these type players the struggle of "getting it" makes it so much better when they do get it.
Good point. DD's very much the perfectionist. I have tried to teach her (and DS) to accept failure as a way of moving forward, a method of learning. DD feels that if she can't be perfect she might as well not even try until she can be perfect. I try to praise her effort when she gives it, and I've shown her how much I appreciate effort, hers and teammates'.
I'm pretty dedicated to a much more hands-off approach now. Even with the small relapse, she's more positive all around.
Forgive me if this has been mentioned (I only read the last few pages)....does your DD ever take time off from softball...or is it a 12-month routine? There is tons of value and health benefits (mental & physical) from taking some time off. Taking time off also provides the opportunity for ALL our DD's to experience the excitement of a new season approaching. She might be missing the excitement to play because it never ends....it has become a job. Just a few thoughts to consider.
Thanks,
T
Thanks,
T
She plays from May to Sept, then there's a break into Dec when indoor league starts up for 5 weeks, then a 2 week break, then 5 weeks of indoor again, then 3 weeks off before school ball starts. We might do a couple of weekend clinics here and there, and she's gotten into her hitting lessons recently.
She's good enough (IMO) to make a select or C travel team, but her tryouts are usually disasters. So she plays rec, which is pretty mellow on the time commitment.
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