Dusty cleat diaries: MY rec dream is officially over

[Momo'sDad]

Mojo picked her new team yesterday and with that, a major chapter of her life - and ours - came to an end. She is stepping out of the safety and comfort of rec ball. Spring rec was almost always fun for the family, and competitive rec in the summer and fall was even more fun, but those days are over now.

Some of you who have seen some of my previous posts know I love rec ball and still, I love what rec leagues are supposed to be and remain committed to getting our league there. Unfortunately, though, we're not there. It's over now - Mojo is gone and nothing I do or say is bringing her back - but I can't help but feel a little like a quitter. The system defeated me, which I can admit, but does admitting defeat mean that I'm smarter or better off now than before? That didn't come out right, I'm sure. I invested heavily in our league over the past couple of years and during 2012, spent countless hours attempting to preserve what I believed we'd built when I saw the writing on the wall.

It was only partly out of selfishness, but really out of the strong sense of community I believe in, yet which so few others do.

In the end, the system won. The modern daddy wants his little rec ball player on a travel team with the fancier uniforms and if she isn't good enough to make a competitive tournament team, then he'll team up with a couple of buddies and start 1 for her and then seek out rec tournaments.

I can be very selfish in my thinking. I'm not bitter about the new reality where kids could care less about representing their towns in national all-star competition because their parents taught them not to. I'm upset that I was wrong. I'm a little upset that I wasn't able to change people's minds, but I'm more upset that I misread them in the first place. Crazy, I know, but I really thought a common sense approach to player progression was the right one to take. What I didn't account for was the fact there really is no reason for softball to be any different from the rest of the local culture. People want the shiny new thing and they want it NOW.

I was really looking forward to my kiddo coming back for 1 last year of rec play. She and her friends would be all-stars again and they'd be able to look forward to the experience of going to rec Nationals. And as a parent, I would get to share that with them, maybe even get to help coach them again. Oh yes, I was excited. The team had unexpectedly qualified this summer, but didn't have enough players available to make the trip, so they were unable to go. Mojo felt she'd missed out, but got over it, yet still wanted a chance at it. I felt she and her team had missed out, too. I wanted to see them there next summer.

But 1 by 1, they all left for greener pastures - 8 prospective starters, gone. The parents were courted by smooth-talking salesmen who talked of a better world, filled with good softball, and far away from the horrors of rec ball. Of course, I was painting the same picture, only in reverse. My sales pitch wasn't as strong, though, obviously. After all, they'd already been subjected to much of what I was selling. After this great year, the thought of going back to rec was just too much for them to bear. The kids never had a choice. They didn't care really. They just wanted to play softball. I argued with 2 coaches and 1 parent. Then I argued with 1 coach some more. And some more. I left all the kids alone, of course. They would go wherever mom & dad wanted. And all the parents were clear with what they wanted.

I finally wished them well and then set about dealing with what should have been my sole focus all along: my DD. To be clear, it always was, but in order to improve her softball experience, I needed to do the things necessary to improve our entire league for everyone's benefit. I don't regret any of that.

I'll miss the afternoon snowcones with friends at the field and seeing her in the 4th of July parade, but I can stop the whining now. I'm not sad, really. Having been playing for over half her life, she's already allowed me to share in the joy of a lifetime. I have so many reasons to thank my daughter.

A new chapter has begun and my little girl couldn't be happier. And neither could I. Thank you, Mojo - I love you.

 

[JAD]

I will have to admit that I did not have half the passion for rec ball that you seem to have had. My DD started playing TB at 9 and we have never regretted it. It is fun to watch rec ball on occasion and to reminisce about just having fun and not worrying about wins/loses, batting averages or ERAs! LOL

 

[David Carter]

....but that is the problem those rec league parents want to think about wins and loses and playing time.

I'm in an interesting situation my 13yr old DD just started playing 2 yrs ago, for us rec ball at 12U was our first exposure (not counting older DD and DS). My DD really has not committed to softball yet so she is happy with rec ball but she did get just a little taste this year when she missed out on the All Star team by a spot or two. She realized that without the commitment the other things would not come. Our rec league has problems galore but I have jumped in with both feet hoping to make things better. We will see how it goes but for girls that have the talent it is really hard to see why you would stay in rec. For 14U this year I probably have half the division wanting to get on my team next year even though last year was my first year coaching (12U), they were just amazed that you could actually teach girls without yelling at them constantly and also treat the girls fairly, it is after all rec. Our problem here is at 14 some girls will get on their freshman teams and not play rec which means the really good girls are gone and our 14U team has many 12yr olds playing up because 12U talent is terrible and almost worthless for the really good girls they really only get anything out of All Stars. IMO I just don't see at 14U how many rec programs can keep quality girls and really if you are that good you should probably be playing travel ball it is just the way the system works.

 

[Momo'sDad]

Without question, JAD, I cared way too much and still do. I'm staying on the Board, but my perspective is so different now. I'm not afraid of learning or change, but there's been so much of both in the past year given how much time I have spent fighting for something that no longer exists. Talk about a wake-up call!

The time at our fields will be lessened, but I'll always have a soft spot for rec.

 

[Coach-n-Dad]

I too have a soft spot for rec. ball. DD played (and I coached) 2 years of Little League before moving on to B level softball (glorified rec.) for a year (which I also coached) before moving on to ASA, PGF, USSA, Max Preps, et. al... (which I didn’t coach because DD knew more than I did).

I was the one that pressed DD to play at a higher lever, first at 16U ASA, then 18 Gold, probably too soon.

Now that she is almost ready to go play at the college level, I remember where it all started. I will go back to coaching Little League. I want to coach the 10U or 12U kids, the ones that are just starting. I will share my softball knowledge with the rec. league.

If DD was not asked to “try softball” as a little girl, she would not have the opportunity that she now has. I want to help the future of softball be asked to “try softball”.

Enjoy the next few years of your DD’s journey. Once she has moved on to her life, if you are still passionate, you can share your knowledge of softball with you’re local rec. league.

 

[Coach-n-Dad]

...oh, I would suggest you no longer serve on the board for now. Concentrate on Momo.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

My hat is off to you Momodad, anyone who spends their spare time helping kids develop deserves respect.

I miss the old rec days, even though I have LOVED TB. Probably why I love HS ball, you HAVE to work with what you have and put in tons of hours. It's really shows what you can do compared to recruiting/ tryouts by multi state. Anyone can recruit a winning team, a true coach..............coach's what he has available.

Our rec beginning dream will come fold this spring. Same group from this little town as 6yo, moved onto TB and got 3 multi state championships, 2 consecutive HS State runs ( first in school history ), and hopefully get that ring this year with 7 starting seniors. It will be the first softball state victory in the county's history.

It all started with rec, I'm not ashamed to admit it.

 

[Sparky Guy]

I've been through the rec ball program thing twice with two different organizations. Once with my daughters and once without any kids in a program trying to make a difference. I've experienced everything that MM'sD has and then some. I was going to detail some of my experiences but they would have made the OP look like a very small flash story. So I decided I will add my thoughts about rec ball softball and what I see as it's biggest impediments to improving.

The BIGGEST impediment to rec softball improving is rec baseball. It's not the baseball itself. It's the baseball dads who run the programs. In most programs baseball usually dwarfs softball. Therefore, the baseball dads are the ones who end up on the boards of the programs. The boards turn over every few years as kids age out of the program and a fresh set of dads with the same mentality are now running things. The board is in a constant state of flux which is why you can't make any type of real changes to softball.

The other thing you battle is the rec ball mentality of the parents and the players. You get a whole lot of "I wanna" from the kids and parents with very "I'll work" from either. Usually what happens is the better players who are willing to work will gravitate those of like-minded thinking in the travel softball community.

In the end you just end up frustrated and walk away from rec and head to travel after feeling used, abused and unappreciated.

 

[Sparky Guy]

I remember where it all started. I will go back to coaching Little League. I want to coach the 10U or 12U kids, the ones that are just starting. I will share my softball knowledge with the rec. league.

What I suggest is save yourself the frustration. If you really want to coach and teach the game find a travel ball organization near you and coach at the 10 or 12U levels. These are the girls who need to be taught softball fundamentals. They are willing to work. They want to learn. They want to play against other better players.

If you really want to have some fun. Get your daughter to help coach with you. It will help make her a better player. After taking a break from being a full time head coach I went back to it in a high level travel program with my daughter. It's been great so far. We've got a group of kids who really want to learn and improve.

 

[Coachmom]

Congrats momosdad. You are on your way to the next level and it will have its own set of challenges. I still coach at the 12U rec ball level even though my DD is a college freshman. I also still love rec ball. I believe it is the stepping stone for kids that want to play travel but it is also a fun experience for the community girls too.
With that being said,as the only coach in my league that does not have a child in it I have it much easier than parent coaches.
Because my DD has played through the rec and travel system and is now playing in Division 1, I rarely get hassles from parents accusing me of playing favorites and all the other garbage that goes along with coaching rec. My DD has been my assistant coach through her high school years and she still comes out when she can make it home. The kids love it.

I really enjoy coaching at the rec level and watching these young ladies improve. I want to encourage MOMO's dad to continue coaching once he has the time and energy to return to it.