Don't be that parent

[JAD]

DD's HS coach in the middle of the championship run in 2014 said out loud in front of all the parents (including the 5 TB coaches that she NEVER asked for any assistance, much less an opinion) "GD I hate freaking (but she didn't say freaking) TB coaches"...this after she heard the all too familiar AWW from the stands when she ran the team into yet ANOTHER 3rd out at 3B (but what did the TB coaches know -doesn't everybody have their slowest runner try to steal 3rd [not on a WP or PB] with 2 outs??)...

Gotta love HS coaches who fail to realize that 90% of their success comes from the TB players they "inherit"....

 

[JAD]

Unless you have been a head coach you can't even imagine the phone calls, emails and texts we get from parents. Maybe someday I will compile them into a collection and publish them, LOL. Dealing with 10-15 different families is difficult enough when everything goes smoothly. Personally I will not deal with this type of parent. Luckily, my families are not these types. People forget that most of us aren't being paid. Even if I was I wouldn't need the problems that these parents present. There is no reason to be at or in our dugout without permission or being invited over by one of the coaches.

..................

 

[riseball]

As some have mentioned, it is not so much what you are doing but how you do it. Running to the dugout between innings and after every at bat, and having a lengthy conversation complete with a demonstration of mechanics is certainly over the top at any level. Quite frankly if full on instruction is required between innings I would submit that they are not game ready and need a ton of work. This is no different than the noob base coach who provides batting instruction from the coaches box. Most bucket parents have or should have certain cues for their pitchers. Single word, single syllable that provides focus to a specific aspect of pitching mechanics. With my DD or any of my students I can point to a specific body part or make a gesture and it will be all that is required. I did this with my DD throughout HS and even a handful of times in college. It is very subtle and should be all that is required.

There is a misconception regarding college softball that all teams have a pitching coach. You would be surprised how many teams have few or even no resources for pitchers. Even some of better D1 teams do not have a dedicated pitching coach, rather it is one of the many duties of an AC or even the HC. If your DD is planning to pitch in college this is something you need to investigate prior to committing.

 

[CoogansBluff]

Threads are like a box of chocolates. You never know which ones are going to be 10 pages long. I didn't see this one coming when I bit into it.

 

[JAD]

There is a misconception regarding college softball that all teams have a pitching coach. You would be surprised how many teams have few or even no resources for pitchers. Even some of better D1 teams do not have a dedicated pitching coach, rather it is one of the many duties of an AC or even the HC. If your DD is planning to pitch in college this is something you need to investigate prior to committing.

Would love to hear how colleges without a pitching coach handle the situation, especially if a pitcher is struggling. I know Denny Tincher had been called in as a consultant for several D1 programs.

 

[JJS]

As some have mentioned, it is not so much what you are doing but how you do it. Running to the dugout between innings and after every at bat, and having a lengthy conversation complete with a demonstration of mechanics is certainly over the top at any level. Quite frankly if full on instruction is required between innings I would submit that they are not game ready and need a ton of work. This is no different than the noob base coach who provides batting instruction from the coaches box. Most bucket parents have or should have certain cues for their pitchers. Single word, single syllable that provides focus to a specific aspect of pitching mechanics. With my DD or any of my students I can point to a specific body part or make a gesture and it will be all that is required. I did this with my DD throughout HS and even a handful of times in college. It is very subtle and should be all that is required.

There is a misconception regarding college softball that all teams have a pitching coach. You would be surprised how many teams have few or even no resources for pitchers. Even some of better D1 teams do not have a dedicated pitching coach, rather it is one of the many duties of an AC or even the HC. If your DD is planning to pitch in college this is something you need to investigate prior to committing.

Perfectly said.

 

[slingnit]

I believe the absolute best case is the college coaches don't even know who the parents are and the kid is fine without them. To a certain degree it should be fine to have minimal contact with their parents or pitching coach but to think it is a regular thing to be tweaking kids every inning and giving instruction openly from the sideline is a whole other issue. That is certainly not normal at the showcase level and really should raise a red flag to a college coach. If they are having that many issues where they need to speak to their parent between innings they obviously aren't pitching that well or aren't that good. It's a game. Not a pitching lesson.

This thread was started to show what a college coach might be thinking with more than a little parental interaction. Right or wrong, like it or not, agree with it or not, have an excuse for it or not, the fact is in some coaches eyes it may be a strike against a kid at a showcase. If a parent feels that strongly about his/her rights that they don't care what those college coaches think and feel it's reasonable to speak to their kid and regularly tweak their mechanics between innings because they know how to fix their kid or give them that much needed pat on the head and can't just stay away for 90 minutes then go for it. Be that parent.

I can say that one of the best pitchers in college softball has a parent that will offer his assistance from the stands of WCWS on occasions. Didn't seem to keep her out of the circle. But one coach will tell you the best player is one whose parents drop the kid off and leave. On the other side some coaches are relying on a parent or paid coach to help work on specific aspects of a kids game during the summer. If a kid wants to go to specific school then they should do what is needed to get there. If that coach wants them to not talk to parents during games then you don't. If they want you to wear shoes on the wrong feet then sorry for the aching toes. But the premise that all coaches are going to bypass kids that are talking to parents between innings is nonsense. I would go as far as saying that is the exception more often that the rule. And it all boils down to how good the kid really is. If they are on the fence about the kid it could be the straw that breaks the camel's back. If she is a freak that is hurling it 68 and mowing kids down left and right it would probably be overlooked. Just like attitudes, grades and trouble with the law is overlooked for the right kids.

And one more thing that could be happening in these little side conversations may be more serious than a little instruction. What if the kid is diabetic or is just back from an injury. Hell there was a girl at dd's hs that was a amputee from the knee down on rt leg. She pitched in HS and in college. What if her prosthetic was giving her problems? Is that a justifiable reason for dad to come over or should the coach be the one to hammer away on her foot?

 

[Cannonball]

I'll post from my/our experience. My dd's coach and those of her friends who played on other teams, basically issued a handout to their players to forward to parents. In that handout my child received, it outlined parent behaviors and says up front that he is the coach and if you attempt to coach your child, your child will be off the team. Most of my dd's TB teammates related similar handouts that they forwarded to their parents. As I posted here once, I didn't record my dd hitting because I was afraid, and my dd was afraid, that her coach would think that I was coaching her away from the games. So, I understand the position presented in the OP. While I have listened to dozens of college coaches present similar opinions on this topic, as recently as this past weekend another D-I coach made a presentation in this area stating these same expectation for parents of her players that they will not be involved in coaching their daughters while in her program. So, that is the reality that I have experienced and witnessed it reality.

As I have also posted on this site, when it came to hitting, I taught my dd to have a "fall back swing" which enabled her to always correct her swing and get back to basics. I would suggest that for everyone whether it be hitting, pitching or fielding. Believe it or not, our dds have been through the process and know so much more than we sometimes give them credit for. Don't give them the fish. Rather, teach them to fish or hit or pitch or ... and they can fix themselves.

 

[3bmama]

My favorite are the coaches in the younger age groups who have no idea what a pitcher is doing and Couldn't recognize what is off to save their life, but wants total control of the pitcher. My DDs first team had the Parents warm the pitchers up most of the time. That worked well so the peron who knows the most about the pitcher can help them out, remember they are young-they need guidance. The last team she was on discouraged parental involvement. At 10u. With no coach knowing how to pitch, let alone pitch correctly. You know what, I'm not letting my kid struggle when a simple 2 minute convo between innings can make all the difference in the world. They changed their tune pretty quickly when they realized I was the one who knew what she was doing and I could help her much better than "just throw strikes" was ever going to. But there's no way they woukd have invited me to be an assistant! Admit that parents know more about the game than they do? Never! There's a lot of ego involved with some coaches. A lot!
Now, I see the difference at a showcase-kind of. If the person outside the dugout was Rick Pauly, would that be ok? Isn't it ideal for a pitcher to speak to her pitching coach between innings if they are available?

 

[Seattlecoach]

My favorite are the coaches in the younger age groups who have no idea what a pitcher is doing and Couldn't recognize what is off to save their life, but wants total control of the pitcher. My DDs first team had the Parents warm the pitchers up most of the time. That worked well so the peron who knows the most about the pitcher can help them out, remember they are young-they need guidance. The last team she was on discouraged parental involvement. At 10u. With no coach knowing how to pitch, let alone pitch correctly. You know what, I'm not letting my kid struggle when a simple 2 minute convo between innings can make all the difference in the world. They changed their tune pretty quickly when they realized I was the one who knew what she was doing and I could help her much better than "just throw strikes" was ever going to. But there's no way they woukd have invited me to be an assistant! Admit that parents know more about the game than they do? Never! There's a lot of ego involved with some coaches. A lot!
Now, I see the difference at a showcase-kind of. If the person outside the dugout was Rick Pauly, would that be ok? Isn't it ideal for a pitcher to speak to her pitching coach between innings if they are available?

Agreed. But is there a difference between 10u and 18u in this regard?