Disturbing Comment

[Coach-J]

I am new to this forum but not to coaching. A close friend had a comment which really upset me and I come here looking for some opinions. A bit of my background. I have been coaching the softball majors for 7 years, to include running fall & winter clinics. My main area of coaching is pitching. I have invested over a thousand dollars out of my own pocket for indoor practice balls, weighted tee's ball baskets, pithing mats, screens and many other training aids. Why.. I simply enjoy coaching. I started coacing when my first daughter was involved and stayed with it with my younger daugter.
Now to my point of my concern. A so called close friend, who is very involved with soccer decides to sign up his daughter with softball. At the conclusion of the first practice, which he was present to watch his daughter,he has this comment. "Hey you know what I noticed, there was no women there just you and the other coach" I replied, yea, what's your point? he replies" Your crazy what if one of the girls got hurt or you brushed by one of the girls which seemed to be taken wrong" 'You really need to have a female at every practice" After my blood presure settled down, I replied...for that very comment is why LL loses coaches. I also told him he should take it up with the president of LL. He replied "Oh I will"
I got to tell you, I am at a point where I just want to walk away, the wind of coaching was ripped right out of me.
What do you think?
Thank you!!
Coach J

 

[quincy]

IDK, didn’t sound like a comment against you.

Some clubs have guidelines about this, ours doesn’t but if someone made that type of comment I would not be upset. I understand, I have a DD too. Like you mentioned let them work it out with the league.

Edit to add: When someone gets hurt on our Team I will take our male AC Ambulance driver, not the proper title, over another female parent any day.

 

[cshilt]

I think that maybe you overreacted to his suggestion. I don't think he was accusing you of anything inappropriate, but was actually making a very valid suggestion. There are plenty of reasons to have a female around during practices or games to assist with potential personal issues a player may have. From a liability standpoint, no coach should be alone with a player (male or female) to avoid any he said/she said issues. This holds true for perception issues as well. If I had to wait after practice for a parent to pick up his/her daughter I always made my daughter wait with me.

 

[2bucketdad]

IMO you made more of it than it needed to be with your reply to him... that being said this is one reason that the organization that my DD's are a part of never has one adult male coach alone with any young ladies...protect yourself and the kids by not putting anyone in a position where anyone can ever be questioned.

 

[Coach-J]

They in fact may have that rule. But the concept of a team mom is so antiquated and awful, I hope you could find a college student who is of age or someone to help you coach.

Also, it would be good for any sports organization to hire a trainer and have them there for injuries (and gender is irrelevant then). Or you can ask if any parent is a nurse or doctor and wants to volunteer. Lastly, you can take first aid training.

Aren't the parents there watching anyway?

The Sad part, the first aid was not his concern, it was the "don't touch them" Ok, I get that, but if we are going to be that much of a "Watch that every word, move, look then you might as well close down the program! Yes, we as coaches watch our actions as a normal way of responsible coaching but to state a claim that a female must be present at every practice begins to dimantle a sport. We are in a small town, I cannot promise a female will be at every practice to police the male coaches. I don't even like posting this but I am hurt! What happened to "Hey thanks for your time as a volunteer" "Your investment in equipment"

 

[Coach-J]

Thanks to everyone! Maybe I did overreact. I felt weird even to post this but to read the comments settled me down a bit. I did take it personal. We have a paid modified coach in our town and he is on his own, with a part time volunteer and I wanted to say, why don't you go rip the wind out of his sails as well.
Thanks you all!

 

[pete]

I understand both sides. I don't think he was trying to accuse you (or anyone for that matter) of anything wrong - he does have a point, he just presented it poorly and could have brought it up to you in a different manner. It was probably the way he presented it that gave you the hurt feelings, not so much the content of what he said.

 

[Sweet Lou]

The Sad part, the first aid was not his concern, it was the "don't touch them" Ok, I get that, but if we are going to be that much of a "Watch that every word, move, look then you might as well close down the program! Yes, we as coaches watch our actions as a normal way of responsible coaching but to state a claim that a female must be present at every practice begins to dimantle a sport. We are in a small town, I cannot promise a female will be at every practice to police the male coaches. I don't even like posting this but I am hurt! What happened to "Hey thanks for your time as a volunteer" "Your investment in equipment"

Don't be hurt. The sad part is that we are in a society where his questions/comments/concerns are very real and shouldn't be considered directly at you. Sadly you don't have to look too far to find the next "Jerry Sandusky" story in the paper or internet headlines.

In fact his comments may have been as much to protect you from potential false accusations as the kids you are with from anything improper.

Personally I think you are fine with you and the other coach as mentioned in your original post but your league rules may vary.

I know for our org only coaches who have gone through a background check, been finger printed and attended mandatory coaches clinincs are supposed to be with the girl on the field at practice. In reality, depending on the age an additional 0 -5 parents will help with practices.

I've personally run practices in the past with 5-10 girls (one was always DD) where I was the only adult present. Not sure if I'd do that in the future though just to avoid any appearance of impropriety. Sad that I have to think that way to protect myself.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I agree, that he did you a favor. He just worded it wrong. Even I, (female) think about it anymore. Last year a mom, that I didn't know just let her 2 little girls out of the car and sent them to me for their first lesson. The girls were 10 and 8. Then, of course, she didn't come back on time, telling the girls on the phone that it was OK, for me to leave them there with their coach. Now, if one of the girls is nutso, I am sunk. When papers print that a coach has been accused of something, they don't make a big deal out of it, if you are innocent. Good luck and I hope you do ask a mom to stick around, more.

 

[PGSAKen]

Two approaches to the technical comment.

Good Samaritan prevents negative consequences when you "perform medical attention to the best of your abilities"/

The other is I am a certified medic so shut up and let me do my job. male or female as I am trained and licensed to do so.

Leagues should have an Abuse and Molestation Policy. Within it states that coaches are to have basic first aid training and parents signed a waiver for the coaches to execute said training as needed.

Risk Management is my job so I have been here many times.