DD and lack of motivation

[CoogansBluff]

If she's not motivated, then accept it, imo. Don't be frustrated or sad about it. It's neither good nor bad. It's just the way she feels. If she could be a great pitcher but never is, so what? It's no tragedy if a child doesn't live up to her athletic potential. It's better to be passionate about something than be great at something, even though the world admires greatness more.

I suspect that your DD just needs a break. She's figuring out what's important to her, and that's a good thing. I would support her in that.

As for you and me and the rest of the parents out there, here's a test --

If our daughters quit softball today, would our attitude be:

"She worked all these years and didn't see it through. What a shame.''

or

"That was fun while it lasted. We had some good times. I wonder what her next passion will be.''

 

[starsnuffer]

I agree with your approach. I drew up a contract for my own daughter, that had stipulations and penalties for how much she had to practice pitching each week in order to continue pitching lessons. There were stipulations on my own behavior as well, such as limiting coaching her during her practice, ect.

If pitching were easy, there would be a lot more pitchers. It's hard, it takes sacrifice. A player will only ever pitch as good as the work they put into it. Maybe she's not cut out to be a pitcher. So what? She probably won't be an astronaut either.

-W

 

[Coach-n-Dad]

My DD went through exactly the same thing last winter (after a particularly bad experience with a summer TB coach). She didn't pick up a softball from September until mid February. It turns out that she was mentally and physically burned out and needed an extended break.

Once the HS coach started talking to her about the season, she started getting excited and that's all she needed. It took 4 months to recover from the extended break but she is now pitching better/faster/stronger/with more spin than she ever did.

I honestly thought she was done with softball and I had decided that since that's what she wanted, I'm OK with it. It had been a fun ride and not one that either of us would forget for many years.

 

[Bama Slamer]

I feel your pain my DD is the same way you are not alone... they all want to play Collage ball but don't want to do the work

 

[tghorley]

My 13 yo DGD loves to play the game, loves to work with her personal coach, but practice on her own, not so much. She is a catcher and does very well. Hitting wise, she hits with power but her average is around .350. She used to practice with her dad quite a bit, but just every once in awhile now. She is not pestered about doing more on her own as no one wants her to quit.

My oldest son hosted a D1 college player during the summer league last summer. I was talking to him about her work ethic and he said not to worry about it. He said he was about 15 before he realized that he needed to work on his own if he was going to get better. Hopefully this will be the case with your DD.

Almost forgot to add that she is probably going through a lot of changes outside of softball. She is most likely trying to figure it all out and how to balance all of it together. At these ages, that can be a difficult task to accomplish.

 

[marriard]

I find this surprising. My motivation to play softball was not forced on me....I came up with it myself. I think we need to spend more time going to ball games and showing the kids rather than telling them. I think we need to spend more time being the role model (ie, are we working hard at fitness at all or are we sitting around?) not the enforcer.

I never know when I am going to agree or disagree with Screwball, but in this case I really agree.

I was deeply into basketball growing up and I watched EVERYTHING. TV, video, local semi-pro leagues, kids older than me - you name it - I watched it when I wasn't playing.

I am always stunned that when I take my DD to a college game that there is not a whole bunch of families with their DD's there. Same with local high school games. If this is who they want to be they need to see it regularly and not just occasionally on TV. Going from a travel tournament with 70 teams with players and parents during the day to a college game in the evening 20 minutes away with only a few people there doesn't make sense to me. (Of course I also believe that the local colleges should be at the tournament giving tickets away but that is another discussion)

Also it is cheap entertainment - normally sub $5 entry (if that) and a hotdog/drink and you get to see a great game.

 

[GTRH8R]

Maybe your dd has changed her mind about what she wants to do. Its hard to say, I don't want to do this thing that I have spent so much time doing" Or maybe she still likes the idea or playing college softball, but if she doesn't want to work toward it because she really doesn't want to play college softball, (just the idea of being there is still in her head)

The hardest thing my son ever had to tell me was that he wanted to quit baseball. He thought it meant a lot to me that he played and played well. It did mean a lot to me, but not as much as it meant to me that he was happy.

Time to have a very careful non emotional heart to heart with your dd to see what she really wants.

Great comment about your son. I had that chat with DD after a frustrating summer with a coach that she just did not get along with (for a myriad of reasons). She just seemed like she lost the passion for the game she had. She went to a three day camp with her soon to be HS coach, another three day camp at a D1 school, and we found her a new team and all of a sudden the passion was back times 10. I cannot keep her off the field or from dragging me out every second I am home to throw or hit in the back yard.

I made it very clear that I did not want her playing because she thought it would disappoint me if she quit playing. I wanted her to know that all of that was up to her and I would support any decision she made. Turns out all she needed was a change of scenery and for a few coaches to tell her she was a pretty good ball player.

 

[starsnuffer]

I never know when I am going to agree or disagree with Screwball, but in this case I really agree.

I was deeply into basketball growing up and I watched EVERYTHING. TV, video, local semi-pro leagues, kids older than me - you name it - I watched it when I wasn't playing.

I am always stunned that when I take my DD to a college game that there is not a whole bunch of families with their DD's there. Same with local high school games. If this is who they want to be they need to see it regularly and not just occasionally on TV. Going from a travel tournament with 70 teams with players and parents during the day to a college game in the evening 20 minutes away with only a few people there doesn't make sense to me. (Of course I also believe that the local colleges should be at the tournament giving tickets away but that is another discussion)

Also it is cheap entertainment - normally sub $5 entry (if that) and a hotdog/drink and you get to see a great game.

There are still kids like this out there. I call them softball nerds. I know a 15 YO pitcher that watches every game she can find, watches videos nearly every day analyzing motions, goes to a lot of HS games (she lives close to James Logan HS), and after getting 1 B her freshman year at a private school (amongst all A's) she has "readjusted" her plans to play for Stanford and has settled on Cal Berkley. (Her plans mind you, the future is unwritten).

I think that a lot of parents see kids like these and try to compare their daughters who aren't as driven or devoted, and when those comparisons end badly they do all kinds of silly things to compensate.

There are 7 billion people on this planet, and the overwhelming majority of those people are abysmally average. I think we should be content that the desire to excel remains at all, and take that at face value.

-W

 

[NVfishing]

My oldest DD had a very bad year last year with softball(TB/HS). To make it worse some of the girls were doing things at parties that my DD doesn't do and didn't want to be around. She took a break this entire year from softball. She just asked last week for me to start taking her up to the fields and practice again. It's been fun having a daughter back in the house. Fewer arguments and less emotion over softball.