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Cursing and 14u

Sep 22, 2020
10
1
Ok so situation is second inning in a SCRIMMAGE coach has the huddle tells the girls they need to get off their effing asses they are losing to a rec team. This is an assistant coach as head coach not there first year coaching at that. His own daughter says.. dad you cannot say that he tells her to relax he only said effing. Mind you these are mostly first year 14u.

As a parent it was report to the head coach that our child would not play for someone like that... team only been together for 3-4 weeks. It was a scrimmage and what is this guy gonna do when the stakes are high. Head coach said he will make him apologize.

Now we feel like our daughter will have a target on her since we are the ones that reported it... if you are a head coach is an apology the only thing you’d look for him to do or what? These two only been coaching together for 3-4 weeks... side note if we had know assistant coach was coaching we would not of signed for this team


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May 6, 2015
1,684
113
First a decent HC will not state where/who the complain came from, so unless he is going to target entire team, should (should, some HC are not as bright or decent as they should be) not be a problem.

I think for something like that, an apology, to entire team, is appropriate. people make mistakes, this one was not all that huge in the grand scheme of things, as long as it does not become a pattern. I have done similar (but made ceertain to include parents as well) when I thought my behaviour as a rec coach the previous game was not what it should have been (no cursing, just arguing loudly about ground rules, when visiting team wanted to change them to suit their likes after it had already been agreed upon in preseason interleague meeting), before next game, I gathered girls on one side of fence and parents on the other, and apologized for what I considered substandard behaviour by myself.

things like this can actually be great teaching moments. no one is above the rules/standards of behaviour, and the importance of holding oneself accountable.
 

RADcatcher

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
2,374
113
California
A 12u team wanted to prepare for nationals 'out of state.'
Had the wonderful opportunity to do team defensive training workouts with them.
I said the word RAD many times...
Apon their return was told
the team said RAD so much that players on other teams caught on... ;)
 
May 23, 2015
885
63
I love cussing and in fact I have a PHD in it. I know how to read a room though. I would be more concerned about the coaches level of stupidity coaching an effin game
 
May 24, 2013
11,315
113
So Cal
Did the coach say "effing", or did he actually say "f***ing"? The first one doesn't really cross a line for me, the second one I have an issue with in a coach-player context. In my experience and observations, it's not at all uncommon for 13yos (8th graders) to hear/say language that bad, and worse, among themselves.

The context the word was used in is a bigger deal than the word itself (IMO).
 
Last edited:
Sep 22, 2020
10
1
Did the coach say "effing", or did her actually say "f***ing"? The first one doesn't really cross a line for me, the second one I have an issue with in a coach-player context. In my experience and observations, it's not at all uncommon for 13yos (8th graders) to hear/say language that bad, and worse, among themselves.

The context the word was used in is a bigger deal than the word itself (IMO).
His daughter said it was f$?! He told her don’t be dramatic I said effing...either way a person of authority over a child should lot speak to them that way... I guess I’m too soft I do not want my daughter learning it is ok for a male or anyone to speak to her that way... side note his last team fell sport bc of his cursing .. we would not have gone if we knew he was gonna coach that was sprung on at first pracrice


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Jul 16, 2013
4,005
113
Pennsylvania
Did the coach say "effing", or did her actually say "f***ing"? The first one doesn't really cross a line for me, the second one I have an issue with in a coach-player context. In my experience and observations, it's not at all uncommon for 13yos (8th graders) to hear/say language that bad, and worse, among themselves.

The context the word was used in is a bigger deal than the word itself (IMO).
I think back to my Little League days when myself and the other 12 year old boys on my team sounded more like truck drivers than youth baseball players. :oops:

Times are different, and more is expected from coaches now than ever before. Coaches need to understand that before they sign up. I agree that an apology to the entire team is warranted, with the understanding that such language is not permitted for players or for coaches. I also agree that the head coach should not tell the person who the complaint came from. I supervise a staff of 300 and deal with complaints daily that must remain anonymous. Again, times are different...
 
May 24, 2013
11,315
113
So Cal
His daughter said it was f$?! He told her don’t be dramatic I said effing...either way a person of authority over a child should lot speak to them that way... I guess I’m too soft I do not want my daughter learning it is ok for a male or anyone to speak to her that way... side note his last team fell sport bc of his cursing .. we would not have gone if we knew he was gonna coach that was sprung on at first pracrice


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If it was a one-time thing, I wouldn't worry about it (speaking only for myself). Sometimes a little shock value can be effective at getting a point across. My DD's 14U HC is usually a very calm, cool, level-headed guy. In 2 years with him, there were a few times where he went out of his normal character, raised his voice, and barked at the girls. The contrast is what made it effective.

If cursing and demeaning is a normal part of the coach's behavior, it's not a place my DD would be happy playing, and I would not want her there. We definitely saw some of those coaches in 14U - men and women.
 
Sep 22, 2020
10
1
Well head coach did tell him this assistant coach trying to contact us so guess who will be singled out


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