Welcome to Discuss Fastpitch

Your FREE Account is waiting to the Best Softball Community on the Web.

Register Log in

Cursing and 14u

Dec 15, 2018
253
63
CT
Things are definitely different today. It’s been almost 25 years since my last competitive game, but literally every coach I ever had (baseball, football, hockey) at every age group, cursed a blue streak. My friends and I still crack up about some of it. “Jones you look like a f’in cone out there!” Hilarious to us, probably not so funny today, and not so funny to girls either (definitely different standards, whether there should be or not).

I had little league coaches who smoked in the dugout, a legion coach who came out to the mound and told me “if you don’t start throwing some f’in strikes I’m gonna give Lomax your girlfriend’s number”, and a college coach who told “colorful” stories almost every practice.

anyway, not much point other than reminiscing, and that I’d probably let one incident go...probably even two.
 
Apr 17, 2019
164
43
I curse, probably more than I should, mostly around adults, but I'll admit to having cussed a time or two while coaching. But it's strategic. Sometimes a well placed curse word is highly effective at getting attention. Especially used sparingly in situations that need it. I'd never drop the f bomb around kids though. Even college kids. It's just not needed.
That said, sounds like this guy was just venting, not making a point. I'm more concerned about his belittling attitude. Girls need built up to motivate, not torn down (to paint with a broad brush). To trot out that old chesnut - Girls need to feel good to play good; boys need to play good to feel good. Sounds like dude's coaching the way he was coached as a boy, 30 years ago. Scolding girls makes them play worse, not better.

PS - I'm very curious what profession doesn't tolerate cursing anymore. I've been in the teacher's lounge, and I know a preacher that can keep up with sailors (though he wouldn't take the Lord's name in vain!)
 
Sep 22, 2020
10
1
I curse, probably more than I should, mostly around adults, but I'll admit to having cussed a time or two while coaching. But it's strategic. Sometimes a well placed curse word is highly effective at getting attention. Especially used sparingly in situations that need it. I'd never drop the f bomb around kids though. Even college kids. It's just not needed.
That said, sounds like this guy was just venting, not making a point. I'm more concerned about his belittling attitude. Girls need built up to motivate, not torn down (to paint with a broad brush). To trot out that old chesnut - Girls need to feel good to play good; boys need to play good to feel good. Sounds like dude's coaching the way he was coached as a boy, 30 years ago. Scolding girls makes them play worse, not better.

PS - I'm very curious what profession doesn't tolerate cursing anymore. I've been in the teacher's lounge, and I know a preacher that can keep up with sailors (though he wouldn't take the Lord's name in vain!)
I meant more being cursed at in a corrective/ belittling manner as opposed to general conversation if that makes sense.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Apr 17, 2019
164
43
I meant more being cursed at in a corrective/ belittling manner as opposed to general conversation if that makes sense.
I think we'll all agree, it's never appropriate to name call or belittle.
If he said literally "effing", I'm fine with it, I wasn't in the huddle, I hope he went to point out a couple of areas for improvement, and remind them what they need to be doing on the field. Not just making them feel bad.
If he said the Christmas Story word, I'd have an issue as a parent.
 
Sep 22, 2020
10
1
I think we'll all agree, it's never appropriate to name call or belittle.
If he said literally "effing", I'm fine with it, I wasn't in the huddle, I hope he went to point out a couple of areas for improvement, and remind them what they need to be doing on the field. Not just making them feel bad.
If he said the Christmas Story word, I'd have an issue as a parent.
Christmas story version and no no other words were spoken ... no errors mentions or what he wanted them to do...only when his daughter corrected him and told him he cannot day things like that.. parents and spectators heard on our side


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
May 16, 2016
604
43
Illinois
If the coach would have singled someone out the situation would have bothered me.

Seems like he was addressing the entire team. This situation would not have bothered me at all.

Are you the only parent that complained about the situation?
 
Sep 22, 2020
10
1
If the coach would have singled someone out the situation would have bothered me.

Seems like he was addressing the entire team. This situation would not have bothered me at all.

Are you the only parent that complained about the situation?
No idea but if a parent has to sign a code of conducting stating no yelling or cursing during canes at coaches players or umps I will hold the coaches to same standard. I just looked at our contract.. there are plenty of words in the English language to use to motivate.. as another poster stated girls and woman is emotion to life them up it’s how they are designed ... cursing will not motive a female to do better.
 
Jul 16, 2013
3,985
113
Pennsylvania
I was speaking with my daughter about this topic yesterday. She has played for at least a dozen coaches over the years between softball, basketball, and soccer. Interestingly, the coach that cursed the most was her high school basketball coach (female coach). She did state that her current college coach (another female) also curses occasionally, but not often. The high school coach was more in a belittling fashion while the college coach is more in conversation.
 

PDM

Jun 18, 2019
32
18
NJ
Ok so situation is second inning in a SCRIMMAGE coach has the huddle tells the girls they need to get off their effing asses they are losing to a rec team. This is an assistant coach as head coach not there first year coaching at that. His own daughter says.. dad you cannot say that he tells her to relax he only said effing. Mind you these are mostly first year 14u.

As a parent it was report to the head coach that our child would not play for someone like that... team only been together for 3-4 weeks. It was a scrimmage and what is this guy gonna do when the stakes are high. Head coach said he will make him apologize.

Now we feel like our daughter will have a target on her since we are the ones that reported it... if you are a head coach is an apology the only thing you’d look for him to do or what? These two only been coaching together for 3-4 weeks... side note if we had know assistant coach was coaching we would not of signed for this team


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I've been coaching for decades. My #1 rule is that the kids come first. Rule #2 is that the parents are next on the list of importance. A few years ago there was a situation that caused an assistant coach to get angry and use profanity to a parent, in the presence of a player. I was not there, but I was sure that the story I was told was accurate. The assistant coach was out. He was also a parent of a player, so he was still around, but he was out as a coach. He wasn't happy but he accepted being fired, knowing my policy. Halfway through the next season, after watching him, it was clear that he understood that he was wrong and had grown up, so I invited him to return as a coach the next season. He has been a different person. A real asset to the program. Sometimes it is not enough to just have a coach make a half hearted apology. A message has to be sent that poor behavior by an adult won't be tolerated.
 

Latest posts

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
37,127
Messages
563,040
Members
17,396
Latest member
Amykopp
Top