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Coaching Power Struggle

Jul 9, 2019
I have helped my dd's coach last year and again this year. We are a 12u team and he also coaches a 14u team. He has to my knowledge always had the older girls help the younger ones out. I completely agree.

However after practice last week he told me that I need to step back and let his 13 yo coach more because she knows more about the game than I do. I was then told by his wife (who is also a coach) that the game has changed recently that I need to let him have his way. Now I played ball at a decent level, JuCo back in the mid 90's for context. I've been in baseball/softball my entire life, so 40 years.

He's only been to one practice in 3 weeks, the wife has been there but hardly knows the game. She already ran the best girl on our team away because of a "communication issue" with the dad. But the kicker is that none of them were at practice tonight. Then I got a text message again tonight that I better not overstep my bounds.

My point in all of this, I feel like support from an older girl is welcomed, showing how to do drills, mentoring, etc. is all good. However, to expect her to actually coach them I think is a mistake.

I don't want to show my daughter that it's okay to quit a team, but I'm extremely close to making that call and finding another team to call home. My wife is already prepared to go nuclear, which to this point I've kept her at bay.

It's a power struggle I want no part of. He can have the bs of being the head coach, I just want to teach the girls to be good kids and get better at the game.
May 29, 2015
Commitment Is a word used for a team and it is a two way street ... that’s not a team. That’s somebody’s family hobby.

I’m not a fan of a coach “coaching” two teams ... which he is not doing. He’s putting his name on a piece of paper and farming the duties out to his wife and daughter.


Super Moderator
Staff member
May 26, 2008
Dallas, Texas
Although most 13YOA girls *think* they know more about everything than any adult, I doubt that a 13YOA girl knows more about anything than an adult. I've never seen a 13YOA girl be able to teach. It takes years to become a good teacher.

The game hasn't "recently changed". The "most recent change" is that the presence of more spoiled kids and helicopter parents. (You are not going to change them. You have to learn how to deal with them.)

The last big change in the game happened about 15 years ago when home runs became common. Teaching the major league swing happened about 10 years ago. Outfield play is more important. The infield plays a little deeper. But, that stuff isn't recent...and it isn't exactly super secret.

You may want to step back and look your coaching methods and style. You may already be doing these things, but for a check., a good coach. (I'm not trying to insult you...but, it is always good to do a little self examination.)

A good coach:

1) Knows the fundamentals of throwing, catching, and batting.
1) Does a lot of station work.
2) Keeps the practice moving.
3) Works harder than any kid on the field.
4) Knows a thousand different drills for every skill.
5) Enjoys coaching and has fun with the kids.
6) Kids like to be around him/her.
7) Kids come to practice because it is a lot of fun and leave practice with a sense of accomplishment.

If you look at the list and are confident that you do those things, then you are dealing with two Minnie Mouses. (A "Minnie Mouse" is a person who is doing something sexual, referred to in a crude manner, with a specific, somewhat stupid Disney dog.)

I was always taught to finish your commitment.
Honoring your commitment to two Minnie Mouses will earn you commitment to a mental institution.

Run. Now. It is not worth it. Find a new team, take the time you will save by not coaching and work more with your own DD.


You tell your child that you have to look at things like a job. Explain that one circumstance where it is OK to quit a job is when a supervisor makes it impossible for you to do your job.
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Apr 16, 2013
I'm with Sluggers. Get gone. I can also agree with him on a very real level. My daughter (15 at the time) and I coached a 12u LL baseball team this past spring. She learned a LOT about what it takes to coach. I typically play the nice coach, but she plays the hard coach well. :) That being said, how to run a practice and teach things was still a concept she had to learn. No way a 13yo knows more about teaching than a 40yo with the experience you have. No way. If the coach had any clue he would be asking you if she could join you and HELP you. There is no other answer, IMHO.
Jun 20, 2015
Run. Run Far. Run Fast. And make sure all remained of team knows EXACTLY what transpired and why leaving. Nice of them to send text and document the lunacy for you.

And the nuclear option should certainly be in play.
Jul 9, 2019
Remove your self from this scenario, how is it affecting your dd?
I think that is the option I’m going to take. To this point I’ve shielded her from this controversy. She doesn’t know to my knowledge.

my real struggle isn’t with my kid. It’s all of them. I coach 3b in games. I was the one letting them know situations on defense. Yes we’re trying to have the girls take ownership but they aren’t there yet.
Aug 19, 2015
Atlanta, GA
Here's the deal. If I were a parent of a kid on that team, do you know how PISSED I would be to be paying the big bucks for my DD to be coached by a CHILD? Very, very pissed. HC is running a scam here and I agree with the post upthread saying that he is merely putting his name on this team. I doubt this team will still be together come spring, but I would get the heck out of there now for your own DD's sake.