Advice: Has DD reached the end?

[obbay]

DD is 15 and a Freshman in HS. She has been playing Softball since she was7 or 8 and Spring, summer and winter for the past 3 years. Now she is on the Freshman team and plays in the senior league (LL). I've noticed her enthusiasm for the game has disappeared, she plays like her head is no longer in the game and she isn't hitting- which has always been her strength.

I know she doesn't like the "team" she's on, but i also know she doesn't like the coach. On the team she doesn't like, many of the girls are on her Sr league team that she does like. One of the things I don't like about the Freshman team is we never know the schedule from week to week. Practice every day but always changing times.

Something I'm thinking about is there is practice every day, even during school vacation week, and I think DD doesn't like the coimmitment. Every team she's played on has never had more than a 3 or 4 day/week commitment, now she has every day and sometimes twice in the same day (two teams). That and she has a heavy course load in school. Not much of a social life either, but she's not one of those social butterfly types.

We don't like the substandard performance we're seeing out of her and would rather she not play then go on half-heartedly at best. Right now she is of no value to her team-or any other team for that matter.

But she says she wants to play, just not on the Freshman team. She was really upset last night when she found out she had a game this morning where she thought she would stay home with her younger sister while mom was at work. (She and her sister live to annoy the other)

I posted here not too long ago about how I was fed up and didn't want to bother with this coach anymore and cooler heads advised that if she wanted to keep playing ball in HS, she should finish the year. I took that advice, but now I'm wondering if maybe DD is too lazy to commit to a full-time team, period.

My plan is for her to suck it up and finish out the season. Stop whining and do her job.

I'm wondering if DD has suddenly reached a point where she is done but hasn't realized it yet.

 

[sluggers]

All athletes quit--it is just a question of when.

I don't think she is lazy. She probably doesn't like playing softball. If she is involved with other activities at school, she is probably thinking that she enjoys band, chorus or the math club more.

If she were my DD: I would make her finish out the year and let her play summer ball. Then, next year, when it comes time for softball, let her decide if she wants to continue. She might be more motivated next year. Or, she may decide that softball is not for her.

If she is doing well in school, count your blessings. Sounds like she knows her priorities.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

How would anyone like not knowing their schedule from day to day? And you don' t even know when the games are? It sounds like your DD may be more mature than the coach.

Are you the only parent that thinks the coach is the problem with the team? I think that you need to talk to someone at the school and explain that parents that work and have kids that don't drive, need to know the schedule.

Is your DD dating? That also may come into the picture, soon.

 

[stephanie]

I, too, would have her finish out the season. Face it, school is almost out anyway...
From then on, it's her decision what she wants to do, who she wants to do it with, and whether or not she wants to committ. You know how it is: nobody likes school and can't wait till it's summer, but 3 weeks into their break, and they want school to start back up again! She's going to be the same way...And if she's away from softball for a while, and doesn't miss it, then it really is time to quit.

 

[obbay]

I tried to write my question free of my own personal biases, but factually correct.

I HATE not knowing the schedule from week to week or even day to day. On sunday we get a schedule thru wednesday. then tuesday we get a schedule thru the rest of the week, sometimes changing wednesday. Sometimes the kids find out in school that the 5:00 practice was changed to 2:30. (We showed up once at 4:45 and seeing no one there I knew something was up)
Sometimes these "schedules" include games not previously on the schedule. If a kid misses a game due to a non-school related issue, she must sit the next game.

I'm having trouble evaluating what matters to her vs what matters to mom and me. I want to make sure she makes good decisions and can live with the results.

This is the Freshman coach's first and last year. I've whined about him in other threads and have refered to him less than favorably. He has already said this requires more time than he can afford (he's burned up all his vacation time accrued thru the summer at his real job) and he won't be back. He is working hard at it but for a guy who has been coaching Girls teams for years, he really doesn't seem to know a whole lot.

been a very tough season for DD. too bad.

 

[mudbug]

Well, it is hard to get excited about playing for a team you dont like.

There was a young lady I knew of who played for a very strong competitive organization in their 12U, but didnt make the 14U team when she had to move up. Several of her teammates and friends from 12U did though. She was forced to go play for a weaker team, where she was of course the star player, SS, cleanup batter, etc. She wasnt happy about it, I observed her crying on the field at a tournament the strong team was also at. I could see her heart clearly wasnt in it playing for a weaker team, that wasnt what she was used to or wanted. Her dad told me that too.

I feel your pain with schedules. DDs HS coach adds games all the time, might tell us a day before if he remembers. Frequently has a one hr practice instead of normal two hour, and doesnt announce it ahead of time. Many players drive, so no problems, but there are some that dont have cars, and rely on parents to pick them up. Pretty tough when parent expects practice to be over at 5 and its over at 4 without any warning.

 

[redhotcoach]

I always tell my young girls that they can't quit, but your daughter is pretty much an adult. Quit the freshman team. It isn't the end all. She doesn't owe anything to them. Heck the coach isn't even loyal to the team. If it were a job, would she being expected to stay under those conditions, no. Actually no job would expect anyone to work without some kind of schedule. Do her job? Her job there is to get an education and her employer is herself. If it were college and she was under a scholarship, then she needs to stop whining and do her job. Sounds like everyone probably knows the coach isn't organized, so there shouldn't be any repercussions next year, and if so just say she needed to work on her studies.

 

[sluggers]

I understand what redhotcoach, and I respect his view. But, she made a commitment to the coach AND her teammates.

We all have made stupid promises we regret making. But, to have integrity, we keep our promises. It really is that simple.

It really isn't bad for the DD in this situation--you are teaching her to be careful when agreeing to do something. It is a valuable lesson for anyone.

 

[redhotcoach]

I would completely agree with you normally sluggers. And I guess I don't know the whole story, but I don't think joining a freshman softball team should be a stupid promise, and it doesn't seem like the coach keeps up on his side of the commitment. I guess I just hate to see the girl stop loving this sport because of it.
As I sit writing this though I can see that it could be a good life lesson in perservierance (spelling?), and learning that life isn't always fair, and most bosses usually aren't.

 

[obbay]

Thanks for all the responses!
I'm having her stick it out as I believe that if she quits the team, there will be a black mark against her when she goes out for the team next year. (And I know she will go out for the team next year)
As much as I would be disappointed to have her stop playing, I would rather she spend her time in something that's important to her rather than buying time for an opportunity that may never come. If she were to stop playing HS Softball, I know she would continue in the winter, spring and summer leagues.
There's also Track and Field ....

Suddenly, out of the blue, the coach has moved DD to 3B and she has become a happy camper. This is her shot and she's eating it up!