11yo DD having major struggles

[Turkeylips]

My DD has been playing travel ball for 4 years now with the same team. Its kind of a long story so i will try and make it as short as I can. 3 years ago some parents took over coaching the team. The mom did not like my daughter because her kid didnt. My daughter was the 2nd baseman, but was gradually moved into center field. Her hitting was phenomenal. If she got up to bat, everyone sighed in relief because we knew she would hit a bomb. The next year new parents took over coaching because the coaches from the previous year were not allowed back. Once again my daughter was the second baseman, but gradually got moved over into center field as another girl was picked out as "better" even though she was not. I am not a biased parent, I can see my kids faults. Her batting became non existent. Her only saving grace was that she got walked A LOT. Through these two years, she started struggling with confidence because she could also see she was being treated unfairly. It started creeping into her head that maybe she wasnt a good player and she did in fact become mediocre. Then this past year yet another set of coaches took over the team. Last fall they had her playing short stop and she did well. This spring they have only played her in right field or had her sit the bench. Some tournaments she doesnt even see half the play time as the rest of her team even though they bat the full team. It is absolutely ridiculous. Her confidence is absolutely terrible and because of that her batting is still bad. She hasnt had a hit all year. She is starting to say she wants to quit but then an hour later says she loves softball and loves her friends and wants to stick it out. I admit that a lot of the other girls on the team have progressed in their abilities and my DD has not. I dont know if she is a late bloomer or what. How do I help her confidence, especially when she doesnt want to talk about it most of the time? She also doesnt want to get out and play catch at home because she feels like we are pushing her. We definitely do not want to do that. I have told her she can quit once the season is over, but she has to finish it out. Now that the spring/summer season is over she wants to play fall ball but she doesnt want to put in the extra time to work on it with me or her dad. She would if it were someone else, but not us. We cannot afford lessons. I am sure some will say to find a new team, but that is not an option.

 

[joemcq51]

Find a rec team for her to play on. Still playing the game, but with much lower expectations. If she decides she is ready for the commitment that TB requires, SHE needs to be willing to put in the time. I am not very sympathetic to the lack of playing time issue. Many parents will tell you she deserves equal time and the chance to prove herself. I will not. What I will say is that as a parent of a DD who puts in the extra effort and practice, I would be upset if DD was in a game and cost the team a chance at moving on. TB is expensive and a cost that I gladly pay for my DD. It isn't for everyone. I am just not willing to shell out thousands of dollars a year to try and build up someone's confidence. Tough life lesson for your DD to learn. You need to work your butt off if you want something. Nothing is given without hard work. Don't get me wrong. I understand that kids this age make errors and mistakes. That is not what you are stating. What you said was she doesn't want to go out and play catch because you are pushing her. If a girl who is working her tail off makes a mistake, I completely get it. Just put your DD on a team with girls who have similar interests and goals. Doesn't sound like TB is the right spot for her at this time.

 

[Turkeylips]

I completely agree with you. I should say, she busts her rump in practice and in games, she just doesnt want mom and dad to help her. I have taken her to my cousin who coaches an older age group and she was all for the extra work and tried very hard. Her coach even commented on her renewed confidence the next day at practice. That confidence didnt last long when the next tournament came and she was benched. Our TB team is an extension from rec ball. We are required to play rec in order to play TB and have never held tryouts. It has always been if you played rec, you could play TB. Some of the issues she has that have lowered her confidence is girls playing over her that dont show up to all practices as she does, and girls without hustle. Specifically one girl who will watch a ball drop in front of her without even trying to catch it. The reason for that girl playing is the coach not wanting to make waves with her loud and obnoxious parents.

 

[kgertie]

My 2 cents: confidence comes from some type of success. Success of some type comes from lots of work. Post some video on here. Great input from the members of the forum and most are willing to help. Daughter has to put extra time whether it is a jugs net and a tee in the back yard or mom/dad throwing her softtoss. FRONT TOSS seems to have helped 100x more for my DD than just tee work as it made her work on timing. READ THIS TECHNICAL HITTING THREAD. Find a hitting guru you like and try to find his or her posts. Help your DD. If she doesnt want your help then she may not be as into softball as she states. VIDEO HER. MAKE HER WATCH IT. SHOW HER THE EXCELLENT CLIPS ON THIS SITE. COMPARE WHAT SHE IS NOT DOING TO WHAT SHE SHOULD BE DOING; WATCH FOR THOSE HITTING TRAITS THE NEXT TIME YOU HELP HER. She needs to decide where to go from here. Offer to help her anytime anywhere but if she doesnt want your help or work on it herself then explain to her that things wont change. And that is fine too but ultimately it comes down to her choices whether she will improve or not. My daughter just rolls her eyes now when I tell her to control the things she can control which is preparation practice and attitude. Cant control what someone else does.

 

[SoftSocDad]

My DD has been playing travel ball for 4 years now with the same team. Its kind of a long story so i will try and make it as short as I can. 3 years ago some parents took over coaching the team. The mom did not like my daughter because her kid didnt. My daughter was the 2nd baseman, but was gradually moved into center field. Her hitting was phenomenal. If she got up to bat, everyone sighed in relief because we knew she would hit a bomb. The next year new parents took over coaching because the coaches from the previous year were not allowed back. Once again my daughter was the second baseman, but gradually got moved over into center field as another girl was picked out as "better" even though she was not. I am not a biased parent, I can see my kids faults. Her batting became non existent. Her only saving grace was that she got walked A LOT. Through these two years, she started struggling with confidence because she could also see she was being treated unfairly. It started creeping into her head that maybe she wasnt a good player and she did in fact become mediocre. Then this past year yet another set of coaches took over the team. Last fall they had her playing short stop and she did well. This spring they have only played her in right field or had her sit the bench. Some tournaments she doesnt even see half the play time as the rest of her team even though they bat the full team. It is absolutely ridiculous. Her confidence is absolutely terrible and because of that her batting is still bad. She hasnt had a hit all year. She is starting to say she wants to quit but then an hour later says she loves softball and loves her friends and wants to stick it out. I admit that a lot of the other girls on the team have progressed in their abilities and my DD has not. I dont know if she is a late bloomer or what. How do I help her confidence, especially when she doesnt want to talk about it most of the time? She also doesnt want to get out and play catch at home because she feels like we are pushing her. We definitely do not want to do that. I have told her she can quit once the season is over, but she has to finish it out. Now that the spring/summer season is over she wants to play fall ball but she doesnt want to put in the extra time to work on it with me or her dad. She would if it were someone else, but not us. We cannot afford lessons. I am sure some will say to find a new team, but that is not an option.

I'm glad you posted this. Maybe it will help other parents to understand why 8u TB is generally a bad idea. Usually the posts are from parents who are obsessed with trying to fix their current 8u situations, but you're bringing the perspective of someone whose DD has been failed by it and is now behind peers who've played about the same number of seasons.

 

[CobraAssist]

You are really hardcore against 8u TB aren't you? What about a scenario where the girl lives in a small town, and the competition/coaching is just horrible? I do think that there are different types of 8u TB teams, and some of them are a little over the top hardcore for the age group. However, there is nothing wrong with giving your daughter a chance to play with/against the best players in her particular age group. To see the strides that some of these girls have made because of it is amazing. One little girl has been trying to turn a double play all year, and when she finally did, it was a massive celebration. Another little girl, our catcher, has gone from closing her eyes whenever the batter swings to tracking it's every movement, and now if the ball is popped up anywhere in her vicinity, she's all over it. It's the small victories at this age. We haven't made our team about winning every tournament. We go play in tournaments with teams that are far superior to us, just so the girls can learn lessons on what hard work can bring you, failure, and to see the looks on their faces when we actually beat the best team (don't snicker) in the state. It was epic to say the least. Don't get me wrong, we have also played in tournaments where the teams are more evenly matched, and even won one of them. We qualified for nationals, but did not go. Our girls have learned lessons in defeat, and we found no need to drive 14 hours for them to learn anymore. We don't play daddyball. We're not screamers. All of the parents genuinely like each other, and we're having a whole lot of fun. We're just a group of people who's kids happen to like softball enough to want to play it a lot, and learn as much as they can. What's wrong with that?

If someone ruined the experience for you, or you've seen up close and personal a bad situation, I can fully understand why you feel the way you do. But, don't make such generalized statements that include those of us that are doing it right, and for the right reasons. I am an 8u TB coach, and we're having a blast with it.

 

[softballphreak]

I completely agree with you. I should say, she busts her rump in practice and in games, she just doesnt want mom and dad to help her. I have taken her to my cousin who coaches an older age group and she was all for the extra work and tried very hard. Her coach even commented on her renewed confidence the next day at practice. That confidence didnt last long when the next tournament came and she was benched. Our TB team is an extension from rec ball. We are required to play rec in order to play TB and have never held tryouts. It has always been if you played rec, you could play TB. Some of the issues she has that have lowered her confidence is girls playing over her that dont show up to all practices as she does, and girls without hustle. Specifically one girl who will watch a ball drop in front of her without even trying to catch it. The reason for that girl playing is the coach not wanting to make waves with her loud and obnoxious parents.

I believe part of the solution is in your post here. She's a hard worker in practice, loves to work with the cousin, an experienced coach. And showed improvement after working with the cousin. Hello??

I've known only a few kids who really would rather be coached by their parents. It doesn't matter how good of a coach the parent is. Find some way that you and your DD mutually agree with to help her. Lean to her side of mutual. It should probably be something like you front tossing, or long tee; but NO coaching (don't go out and fetch the balls; have her throw them to you at second from wherever they end up). She probably thinks you don't know any more than she does. Believe me, I know how hard it is not to "help". But zip it, unless she asks. Even then, limit it.

From your description, she has established herself to the coaches. In order to re-establish herself, she will have to bear with her reputation. She should try to be better tomorrow than she is today; not better than someone else, better than herself.