DD has cried in car a couple times, never in public. Heck, she had me crying 1 time.
How to deal with losing?
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I am scared to ask for details.
Nothing special, she gave it everything she had and we lost. Not even a big game, she thought she should have done better.
OK. I am just glad there were no dead bodies on the field. 
- Jun 12, 2015
- 3,848
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Some losses definitely mean more than others. Ditto on wins. I think most kids know the difference between a hard earned win and an easy win, and one will mean more than the other. And with losses, when they played their best and just couldn't quite pull it off, that might be less frustrating than a game lost because of a bunch of errors. Plus losing your first pool game Saturday morning is really different from losing bracket game #2 on Sunday and having to go home empty handed. After about 8U most of the kids seem to pick up on all this, IMO.
Once I remember my older DD's baseball team got way down. My DH wasn't a coach on that team but he is really, really good at getting kids fired up. They were just down and ready to lose at that point. He started getting all loud and hyper and made them all put their hats on inside out to be rally caps. They got all pumped up and ended up almost coming back. Still lost, but nobody was sad. It was an incredible comeback. The coach was very positive about how awesome it was to watch them rally like that, and even almost pull off a win from way down. So even though they lost, that was a feel good game. If they'd never rallied I bet there would've been some tears (it was boys mostly but 10U, they do cry. More than the girls, in some cases. lol).
Once I remember my older DD's baseball team got way down. My DH wasn't a coach on that team but he is really, really good at getting kids fired up. They were just down and ready to lose at that point. He started getting all loud and hyper and made them all put their hats on inside out to be rally caps. They got all pumped up and ended up almost coming back. Still lost, but nobody was sad. It was an incredible comeback. The coach was very positive about how awesome it was to watch them rally like that, and even almost pull off a win from way down. So even though they lost, that was a feel good game. If they'd never rallied I bet there would've been some tears (it was boys mostly but 10U, they do cry. More than the girls, in some cases. lol).
- Jun 1, 2015
- 501
- 43
I always try to end games with a brief post-game talk. I usually give out the game ball (win/loss) to the player that had the biggest factor offensively or defensively in the game (decided by the asst. coach and myself), and then we list AS A TEAM 3 positive things we did and 3 not-so positive things to work on. We then address how to come back from those things and what we can work on for the next game, we address the next game, and we break. Usually 5-10 minutes if that. Seems to work pretty well, because the girls that had worries about their play usually contact me privately to talk about it and that way I don't have to call anyone out publicly like that.
DD had a school ball game tonight in which they lost by 1 run. Some players are ticked - 'we should never lose to that team! - and want to have a team meeting before practice tomorrow. DD is rather indifferent to the outcome.
My thoughts are that you need some energy on the team that doesn't like losing and sends the message that we're here to win. I like that. Good for them.
On the other hand, I suspect this team meeting will include a lot of cliches about playing hard and focusing when none of that was an issue in this particular game. I didn't see any lack of hustle or any mental mistakes. Which is unusual for a 7-inning HS game. So I hope the meeting won't be a bunch of well-intentioned but immature blame and shame that can divide a team.
As for DD's indifference, she said she doesn't want to dwell on any negative emotions. Doesn't have the time or energy for it. It's been a long day. School is long. Road trip was long. Game was long. Wanted to win, but it's over, she's happy w/ her own effort, time to look ahead.
Not saying that's right or wrong, but liked the fact that she had an explanation.
My thoughts are that you need some energy on the team that doesn't like losing and sends the message that we're here to win. I like that. Good for them.
On the other hand, I suspect this team meeting will include a lot of cliches about playing hard and focusing when none of that was an issue in this particular game. I didn't see any lack of hustle or any mental mistakes. Which is unusual for a 7-inning HS game. So I hope the meeting won't be a bunch of well-intentioned but immature blame and shame that can divide a team.
As for DD's indifference, she said she doesn't want to dwell on any negative emotions. Doesn't have the time or energy for it. It's been a long day. School is long. Road trip was long. Game was long. Wanted to win, but it's over, she's happy w/ her own effort, time to look ahead.
Not saying that's right or wrong, but liked the fact that she had an explanation.
DD had a school ball game tonight in which they lost by 1 run. Some players are ticked - 'we should never lose to that team! - and want to have a team meeting before practice tomorrow. DD is rather indifferent to the outcome.
My thoughts are that you need some energy on the team that doesn't like losing and sends the message that we're here to win. I like that. Good for them.
On the other hand, I suspect this team meeting will include a lot of cliches about playing hard and focusing when none of that was an issue in this particular game. I didn't see any lack of hustle or any mental mistakes. Which is unusual for a 7-inning HS game. So I hope the meeting won't be a bunch of well-intentioned but immature blame and shame that can divide a team.
As for DD's indifference, she said she doesn't want to dwell on any negative emotions. Doesn't have the time or energy for it. It's been a long day. School is long. Road trip was long. Game was long. Wanted to win, but it's over, she's happy w/ her own effort, time to look ahead.
Not saying that's right or wrong, but liked the fact that she had an explanation.
My thoughts are that you need some energy on the team that doesn't like losing and sends the message that we're here to win. I like that. Good for them.
On the other hand, I suspect this team meeting will include a lot of cliches about playing hard and focusing when none of that was an issue in this particular game. I didn't see any lack of hustle or any mental mistakes. Which is unusual for a 7-inning HS game. So I hope the meeting won't be a bunch of well-intentioned but immature blame and shame that can divide a team.
As for DD's indifference, she said she doesn't want to dwell on any negative emotions. Doesn't have the time or energy for it. It's been a long day. School is long. Road trip was long. Game was long. Wanted to win, but it's over, she's happy w/ her own effort, time to look ahead.
Not saying that's right or wrong, but liked the fact that she had an explanation.
After any I loss I always ask the same question - Did you give your "A" game and make them beat you? If you can answer yes, then hold your head high. If not, then you know what you need to do. Winning is about the journey not the destination.
Having two DD's, they have been as different as the moon and sun when it comes to losing and the way they deal with it... DD#1 seemed to take every single loss on her shoulders, compartmentalized the loss and utilized the "hurt" to drive her to be better... I do not think I ever saw her cry after a loss (unless it was rec ball days very early on) and she did not pout, run her mouth about her teammates or attempt to put the blame somewhere else... She developed what I refer to as a "competitive mean streak" - not that she was a mean or dirty player but she played "mean" and was not overly vocal, if she had something to say to a teammate (other than the "go" or "its alright") then she said it to them to the side... She let her play do her talking but the losses hurt her and she always kept them there in the back of her pocket...
DD#2 hates to lose more than DD#1 but at the same time, DD#2 had the tendency to shrug the loss or the mistakes quicker than DD#1... I do not know if it has more to do with DD#1 being a middle infielder most of her career and DD#2 being a pitcher or if they are that much different... However, DD#2 will tear up in the car some times but she knows the "rules": tears are fine but they quit the moment I put the car in park at the house... DD#2 likes to discuss the loss, analyze the game and she will even go over the book a day or two after the game... She is a very vocal leader and she tries to encourage her teammates and give them advice even when she is younger than them... On the same note, I have never heard her be critical of a teammate when it comes to the teammate's play but I have heard her comment a few times on a teammate's attitude and she has asked me for advice on how to address the "issue" from her position...
DD#2 hates to lose more than DD#1 but at the same time, DD#2 had the tendency to shrug the loss or the mistakes quicker than DD#1... I do not know if it has more to do with DD#1 being a middle infielder most of her career and DD#2 being a pitcher or if they are that much different... However, DD#2 will tear up in the car some times but she knows the "rules": tears are fine but they quit the moment I put the car in park at the house... DD#2 likes to discuss the loss, analyze the game and she will even go over the book a day or two after the game... She is a very vocal leader and she tries to encourage her teammates and give them advice even when she is younger than them... On the same note, I have never heard her be critical of a teammate when it comes to the teammate's play but I have heard her comment a few times on a teammate's attitude and she has asked me for advice on how to address the "issue" from her position...
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