Youth sports--if your child doesn't love it, let her leave it.

My sons first sport was hockey. At 14 he came to me and said he wants to quit.
I told him that was fine, the only codition I had was,
he had to give me one good reason why, a reason that would make sence to him and me.
A week later he came to me a said, I can't come up with a good enough reason, so he would keep playing.
He played until he was 19. He is now 23 and thanks me often for not letting him quit.

Sliced Bread said:

My sons first sport was hockey. At 14 he came to me and said he wants to quit.
I told him that was fine, the only codition I had was,
he had to give me one good reason why, a reason that would make sence to him and me.
A week later he came to me a said, I can't come up with a good enough reason, so he would keep playing.
He played until he was 19. He is now 23 and thanks me often for not letting him quit.

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I quit football back when I was a freshman in high school. I resent that decision to this day, forty years later. I wish my complacent father at the time had talked me out of quitting.

I quit farming when I was 29. Times were tough for farmers in the 1980s. The three years that followed my exit were fantastic price years for potato farmers. I resent that I quit so easily. I wish someone had talked me in to sticking with it, because I was good at it.

It is my belief that our resentment lies more with the things we quit than the things we continued on with. If I had my 55 years to live over again, I'd quit less and do a hell of a lot more things, including more football in high school, learning to play the piano and possibly the guitar, farming for many more years than I did, etc.

I have a different perspective than some of you.

I never thought about having my kids play baseball or softball. I loved the games, but I was the WORST PLAYER you have ever seen in both sports. Think of the worst player you have ever seen play. That player is much better than I could ever be.

My DS might've been good at baseball, from the way I've seen him perform when helping his sisters practice softball. He started in track, tried rowing for cross-training, and stuck with rowing. He starts college in a few weeks, and will be on the rowing team. His coach has pretty much given me a 100% guarantee he won't ever be cut as long as he busts his butt, which he always does. He really loves rowing, and was on a HS club that sometimes sends rowers to the national team.

DD #1 tried softball as a lark, since her best friend was playing LL rec ball. DD #1 is talented enough some coaches think she should play D 1 college ball, but she wasn't having fun, so she gave up. Twice. In her comeback, she led her freshman team in hits, HRs and SBs, and all who have coached her say she is the fastest player they have ever coached. She may try out for the JV team next spring just for fun, or she might not. I really miss seeing her run the bases, though. I think there was a bit of a burnout for her. She went from 12u rec league to 16u TB in less than a year, and that was really tough for her. I hope she gets on the JV team, so I can see her tear up the base paths again.

DD #2 was dragged into practicing with her older sister, and later her younger sister. DD #2 has very little softball talent. She won't even try rec league, since she doesn't want to be compared to her sisters. She may try XC and/ or track next year. I told her she MUST at least try a sport for a year.

DD #3 fell in love with softball practicing with DD #1. She is very talented, and seems to be almost as fast as DD #1. (I took DD #3 to an open track meet earlier this summer, and she won her heat. She didn't have the right cleats, and had never trained). She pitches, and actually is good at all 9 positions. She is so dedicated, she went to 2 different HS softball camps this summer, and even practiced with her PC's 16u team (she is 12U), the same team DD #1 quit.

So, for me softball has all been about an amazing surprise that two of my kids were good at a sport I couldn't play at all. It's been more of a shock than anything else. I just want them to play as long as it is fun for them.

Good post Sluggers.

When my daughter told me after her first year of college ball, she didn't want to play anymore, I was crushed. I hurt damn hard. That was what WE did together since she was 5 years old. I also think I was a little scared if we would find something else to fill that void.

I haven't posted much lately because Alex and I have been doing other things besides softball. Some house projects, meeting her for lunch on her job break, couple of weekend vacations, or as simple as sitting on the couch watching a movie.

She played hurt and in pain all last spring, never said "no". I am ashamed of myself more than I can express on here that she played in agony because of me. She would never admit it....................

My DD "took a break" last year from SB (after 5 years of TB and her 2nd year at 14U), and never went back. She found other things she loves and spends all of her energies devoted to excelling in those passions. It was hard to let go but it was absolutely the right decision for her. So I took Amy's advice and joined a slow pitch softball team!

PA SB Dad said:

My DD "took a break" last year from SB (after 5 years of TB and her 2nd year at 14U), and never went back. She found other things she loves and spends all of her energies devoted to excelling in those passions. It was hard to let go but it was absolutely the right decision for her. So I took Amy's advice and joined a slow pitch softball team!

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That's pretty funny (about the slowpitch team), and cool! ....

How is your swing? You need to post it.

CoogansBluff said:

That's pretty funny (about the slowpitch team), and cool! ....

How is your swing? You need to post it.

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Not a chance! And never mind trying to track a fly ball!

News flash here......

Not every kid is the same.
Not every parent that is involved in their kids activities (all, not just sports) are living vicariously through their kids.
Not every coach is terrible.
Not every family situation is the same.

I get so fed up with the stereotypes and painting with a broad brush. Yes, there are bad parents, coaches, and kids. Being a parent means being involved with the kids. That doesn't mean smothering them, but it doesn't mean to let them loose at 14 either. Where is this line?

If one of my DD's said they wanted to quit SB, fine, as long as it's at the end of a season. They will be required to do "something". Yes, I would miss the games, but I'd get behind them 100% in what they chose. Heck, my Dad started with 2 boys. He was at nearly every game I played. Pushed me hard. Several years later, by baby sis comes along and hates sports. Became a good cheerleader. She was different that I, so Dad never pushed her at all in her cheerleading. Guess who was in the stands at every game to watch his DD cheer? Yep. Was he living vicariously through her? I doubt Dad wanted to cheer. He even got to go to the same coliseum that his son played for the state basketball championship, some 15 years later to watch his DD win the state championship in cheer leading.

I've learned in parenting so be involved and don't think you know it all. If you have so much in control of your own house, right a book to show the rest of us how to do it.

I really appreciate Doug's comments. We're all so quick to say it's all up to our DD, and - yes - I deeply believe that. But kids don't always make good decisions on their own, so how we guide them in making those decisions is huge. Doug isn't the only parent to regret giving something up. I have my own list.

Oldest DS gave up baseball in HS. I was unhappy because he was really good. But he had a bigger passion for theater, and he's very happy (and even better at it). But when he said he was quitting Scouts, I wouldn't budge. When he earned his Eagle, he thanked me for not giving up on him.

I think it's more art than science, with a lot of love and the occasional prod. We secretly nurture the dream that our DD will become the next Great One (and dream it is hers, too), but we always try to be patient with their mistakes and let them know we're always proud of their best. I don't think there are any perfect parents. And generally, the advice we give DD is probably good for all of us: work really hard to be your best, and that will be good enough.

NorthMS said:

They will be required to do "something".

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Don't disagree w/ your post, but would like clarification on ''something''.

What qualifies as ''something''?