What Parents Should Say as their kids perform--Good Article

[humpty]

It can be tough to keep quiet and not analyze every move if the parent is also the pitching coach and hitting coach. but I'm learning to wait til the next practice session to work on what I noticed in the game.

 

[Indiana]

I agree with the general point of this article. I do take issue with the photo. Number one - if this is a "before the game" picture, I can't imagine any son who would allow this. Number two - if this is an "after the game" photo, the kid would be covered in sweat and no way would I get that close to him

The part of this article that I agree with 100% is: don't be a crazy person. If you are texting a college coach, you are a crazy person. Yes, as your child grows up, let them form relationships with other adults (coaches, in this case). Don't mistake this for backing off completely. I disagree with the word "consultant". A child will always need a parent - someday WE may need our moms to say "You texted the college coach?? Are you completely out of your mind??!!" Instead of saying "I love watching you parent".

 

[lstorie1971]

I have found that we are both happier when I act as her #1 fan and not her coach. I haven't really taken the position that I am paying x number of dollars for this so she had better put in the work that I think she should. I have viewed softball as less of a financial investment for my child and more of an investment in my child as a person. She spends time doing something she likes, she hangs around with similarly motivated girls, and has learned about setting goals and working for them. If that's all she ever gets out of softball, I believe the money I have put in is well spent.

 

[Eric F]

We are still very close, no mom, but she has almost complete independence, and is now choosing her path in life, is making good choices. We are lucky.

IMO, you are doing it right. You have given your child the tools to develop into an independent, responsible, and productive young woman. I'm sure she knows that you will always be there if she needs your guidance and support...or dinner. Props to you, SCDad.

On the other side of the picture is the son of my DW's co-worker. He's a 15yo HS freshman, isn't trusted to be alone in their home, and has to me told by his mother exactly what to do and when. It's not that he has behavior issues, or can't follow directions, it's that his parents (mom, mostly) haven't taught him how to think or be responsible for himself. At 15, he's less capable of being independent than my 8yo DD. Seriously. The boy has expressed an interest in going to college in Indiana. Mom is planning to get an apartment to share with him. I find it very sad.

 

[SCDad]

IMO, you are doing it right. You have given your child the tools to develop into an independent, responsible, and productive young woman. I'm sure she knows that you will always be there if she needs your guidance and support...or dinner. Props to you, SCDad.

On the other side of the picture is the son of my DW's co-worker. He's a 15yo HS freshman, isn't trusted to be alone in their home, and has to me told by his mother exactly what to do and when. It's not that he has behavior issues, or can't follow directions, it's that his parents (mom, mostly) haven't taught him how to think or be responsible for himself. At 15, he's less capable of being independent than my 8yo DD. Seriously. The boy has expressed an interest in going to college in Indiana. Mom is planning to get an apartment to share with him. I find it very sad.

I am not perfect, and have been accused of "stalking" her, at times. Just to make sure she is where she says she is.

Papa bear will come out, and when a little younger I have "lit up the neighborhood" when she was leaning toward folks with bad intentions (drugs). Funniest part of this story is she was with her best friend who's dad is a state trooper (same neighborhood). Older kids were trying to manipulate them. I told him what I thought was going on. About a week later a swat team busted down their door. And the family was gone shortly thereafter.

Learned a valuable lesson on the cops code. Pretty sure her friends dad was behind the raid, and he was conspicuously far, far away.

My DD's other best friend talks, and talks, and talks. For some reason, I try to be her buddy, with my elephant ears on. I always encourage conversation, ask only a few questions, rarely passing judgement immediately, while at the same time planning and plotting my next parenting step in such a way they don't easily connect the two.

It is working so far. Has more to do with her choices, because I have my faults, and consider myself lucky.

 

[Eric F]

Like I said before, SC Dad, you are doing it right.

 

[Elk Grove Hurricane]

I took this advice to heart at my DD's recent practice. Gotta say, it worked better than I ever expected. She still made her share of mistakes, still struggled with a lot, but she made plays, looked like she was actually having fun out there, and really did play better than normal. No., its not a cure-all, but as one of those parents who wants so badly for my DD to be great, it was a great reminder of what really matters. Have fun, kiddo, just enjoy the game, don't worry so much that you can't learn from your mistakes or be so fearful of making the next mistake that you can't forget about the last one.

 

[sluggers]

Here's the problem....what if you're the coach too? If the coach is responsible for correction, how do I be a dad and a coach?

At some point, if you want your DD to be "good", you have to stop being her team coach.

 

[SCDad]

At some point, if you want your DD to be "good", you have to stop being her team coach.

I agree 100%. At one point a dad has taught his DD everything he can (that she will listen to). Being coached by different coaches expands her knowledge and techniques as different coaches focus on different things, and may say the same thing differently so she understands better.

On top of that, continually coaching your DD, and giving her "coach daddy's privileges" becomes a issue of negative return. She really needs to sometimes get the short stick by someone other than dad and learn to grow from it.

Believe or not, getting beat down (I call it drawing the short stick) and being forced to stand back up is the best thing to happen to a player. The earlier the better and will happen eventually to just about every single ball player.

 

[GatorGirl]

I am so glad this article helped someone. It has helped me. I want my kids to be great, but sometimes you just have to give it to God or whatever you believe it. Many times what we get is determined by other people and other things and not by how hard we work for it. This doesn't mean to stop doing your part and late fate take hold. We are responsible for the process or work and we have to let go of the outcome.

Husband just texted me from the practice, he does regular and I do the pitching, and he said that one of the daddy coaches is making his kid scream and cry while pitching because his is being so mean. I just can't imagine that this will help anyone. Him, her, her pitching, her love of the game, the team. Why would a parent do this and in front of everyone?? I can get a little "loud" on our own, but in front of everyone. And she is good and throws well for a 10U player compared to all the other kids. I just don't get it.

GG